


in the end we'll become one

by aquariusblues



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Secret Relationship, aka jihoon's coming of age story from soonyoung's pov, chan and soonyoung are brothers, jihoon learns to embrace his sexuality with the help of the boy he fell in love with, ment of anxiety/insomnia/past jicheol, soonwoo are bffs, title is a highlight lyric wooop, very very minor jihan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-05-09 12:28:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 55,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14716050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquariusblues/pseuds/aquariusblues
Summary: Soonyoung has a crush and Jihoon tries hard to deal with it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so originally this was going to be a meanie fic but then soonhoon crashed into my life and i wrote ten k worth of content and now here we are
> 
> i dont have a beta and i tried to edit but i just wanted to upload already so im sorry for any mistakes. also im not familiar with south korea's locations so.. i kind of made things vague im sorry
> 
> my first svt fic and writing all the dynamics is super fun so i hope whoever reads this enjoys it very much <3

Soonyoung holds the phone close to his ear trying to understand what exactly is happening on the other side. He debates calling Jun or Wonwoo, to go make sure he’s okay but takes a step in another direction instead. “Do you want to come?”

There’s a shuddered breath before Jihoon replies. “What?”

Soonyoung wets his lips. “Do you want to come here? Just for a few days.” When Jihoon doesn’t reply, he says the next part carefully and slowly, knowing how stubborn the other boy can get. “You need a break too, Jihoon. It’ll be good for you.”

It takes a long minute for Jihoon to finally reply. “Fine,” he says softly, voice calmer than before.

“Take the eight in the morning train tomorrow. I’ll pick you up, okay?”

“Okay,” he responds. His voice is the calm after the small tantrum (or at least what Jihoon insists to call them) and Soonyoung hates how familiar the voice has gotten.

“Put on the alarm now, before you forget,” Soonyoung tells him and is relieved to hear a small chuckle on the receiver.

“Alright, alright, it’s done.”

“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow at eleven.”

“See you.” They hang up and only then does Soonyoung realize how strongly he was gripping his phone.

 

♫

 

Soonyoung is only home for three weeks since he does have a job working in a dance studio back in Seoul. It was towards the end of the second week that Jihoon calls him panicking over a deadline that Soonyoung realizes it’s the longest they’ve been apart in years. Ever since they met freshman year and especially after Jihoon started a producing label under Woozi, the boys spent at least several days a week together, working on music, choreographies, lyrics, whatever was on the plate for the day. Soonyoung had many friends and even many best friends but something about his relationship with Jihoon was always… different.

The following morning Soonyoung arrives to the train station right on time and spots Jihoon already standing on the side of the platform, his large black headphones on and fingers drumming absentmindedly on his thigh. He’s using his other hand to scroll on his phone, so he isn’t really looking around and Soonyoung takes the small moment to breathe in and calm down. This isn’t the time for dumb chest palpitations. Why is he nervous? One of his best friends is coming to visit, that’s it. Feeling like an idiot, he takes out his phone and sends a text.

 

Soonyoung [11:03]: hi :)

 

Jihoon sees the text as soon as it’s delivered and looks up scanning the platform.

 

Jihoon [11:04]: where are you

Soonyoung [11:04] red car

 

Jihoon looks up again and finds his car immediately. Soonyoung’s window is already lowered and he's waving cheekily at him and Jihoon smiles back making his way towards him.  

“I should’ve known your car would be the most obnoxious one in the parking lot,” Jihoon says as soon as he’s inside, headphones snug around his neck and a duffel bag across his knees. He catches Soonyoung looking at it and his ears go red. “I wasn’t sure… for how long.”

Soonyoung eyes meet his. “You can stay for as long as you want.” Jihoon nods and glances away. “Also the car is my dad’s, so you better be polite about it,” he adds and Jihoon shakes his head with a chuckle as he leans back on the seat and looks out the window.

They drive in silence, some American pop plays on the radio and Soonyoung knows JIhoon likes that type of music so he doesn’t switch the channel. He wants more than anything to ask Jihoon how he’s doing but the boy looks peaceful like that, leaning back on the seat of his childhood car watching the fields as they drive towards his childhood home. He doesn’t want to ruin this moment.

“I’m fine,” Jihoon says eventually, he must’ve felt the worried glances Soonyoung was giving him. He turns to look at Soonyoung who refuses to look away from the road right now, not knowing if he could look away from Jihoon again. “You don’t need to worry,” he adds and turns his head back to the window. “It’s really beautiful here,” he murmurs, switching topics.

“Is it your first time away from Seoul?”

Jihoon starts laughing. “I’m from Busan, you idiot.” Soonyoung blushes, he really is an idiot, he’s too fucking nervous with Jihoon sitting right here about to see the place he grew up in. He hasn’t even told him they have to share a room yet. Fuck.

 “Sorry!” He apologizes profusely while Jihoon keeps laughing, mouth wide and head thrown back and Soonyoung thinks he doesn’t mind being a bit of a forgetful idiot if he gets to see Jihoon like that.

 

 ♫

 

His family has met Jihoon a few times, mostly after Soonyoung’s end of the year programs that Jihoon had been composing for him for the last three years. They also know they work together under a Hoshi and Woozi label and are big supporters their work. They tell that to Jihoon as soon as he enters the house and another three times over lunch.

“I think he gets it,” Soonyoung laughs away his embarrassment.

“I think _Bring It_ is my personal favorite,” his dad says, ignoring Soonyoung. “It got me to start working out again,” he grins and this time it’s Soonyoung’s mom who shakes her head.

“I wouldn’t call jogging once a week working out,” thankfully that takes over their bickering for a while and Soonyoung looks apologetically at Jihoon who smiles down at his bowl of rice. 

“Chan is coming down tomorrow,” his mom says after she and his dad are done arguing. “You two will have to share a room is that alright?”

“Oh yeah, Chan told me,” Soonyoung tries not to sound nervous as he swallows down his last bite. “I brought out the mattress already,” he glances at Jihoon to get a sense of a reaction but the boy seems to still be preoccupied with his food. Hopefully that’s a good sign.

The rest of the day they spend walking around town killing time. It’s Friday so it’s quiet outside despite the start of the weekend. In Soonyoung’s town, Friday’s are often quiet and peaceful and he loves it that way especially after living in the constant buzz of Seoul's nightlife. Still, he has a plan of where to go despite Jihoon’s complaining and once they reach his old dance studio Soonyoung smiles at Jihoon who frowns back.

“This is where I started dancing,” Soonyoung explains, grinning at him and Jihoon looks back at the building. It’s a two floor structure with a hairdresser studio on top and kiosk across the street. Soonyoung’s town has only a few establishments. Where Wonwoo and Mingyu live is about forty minutes away and slightly larger, but here, in Soonyoung’s little area, the dance studio is as fancy as things get.

Inside Soonyoung introduces Jihoon to Eunha, his first ever dance teacher, and it doesn’t take her long to figure out the connection. 

“You’re Woozi, then?” Eunha asks Jihoon excitedly. “Since you’re a composer and all, you gotta be!”

Jihoon glances at Soonyoung before nodding. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“I love your music!” Despite being close to fifty she’s loud and energetic and her excitement erases twenty years off her face.

“Noona,” Soonyoung interrupts, distracting her before she can bombard Jihoon with more questions. “Is studio C empty?” 

“Yeah,” she replies raising a brow. “Classes are done for today,” then she adds, arms crossing, “What are you planning, Soonyoung? I was about to lock up.”

“I’ll close!” He says quickly. “Can we use it for a few hours?” She narrows her eyes at him then looks over at Jihoon and sighs, as if understanding something.

“Drop off the key at my house after,” she says, leaning back in her work chair and unlocking her phone. Soonyoung pulls a confused Jihoon out into the hallway and nods when Eunha warns him to clean the studio after themselves.

Studio C is the only room with a piano inside and Jihoon’s eyes widen when he sees it. “Play something for me?” Soonyoung asks him softly before Jihoon can approach the piano and Jihoon nods, not looking away from the instrument. 

When he starts playing it’s a slow tune, one that Soonyoung has never heard him play before. At first he just watches him, getting a feel for the song and when he hears it speed up he looks away, focusing instead on himself in the mirror and whatever inspiration is coming to him. Woozi is famous for his composing and his music, but when Jihoon is stuck he will come see Soonyoung dance saying it inspires him. To Soonyoung, it’s huge praise, having such talent and skill say someone like _Soonyoung_ can inspire him, so he closes his eyes and starts dancing. Not only for himself but for Jihoon as well, and he lets Woozi’s music carry him.

They stay in the studio for hours until the music stops and Soonyoung plops onto the floor, sweaty and exhausted but exhilarated.

“That was amazing,” he breathes out looking over his shoulder at Jihoon with eyes that he knows are delirious. “New?”

“Very,” Jihoon says with a silly smile of his own and then he runs his hands through his hair with a sigh. “Fuck,” he says then runs his hand across his face, “I needed this.” Soonyoung is grinning at him and Jihoon looks at him through his fingers before dropping his hands. “Of course you did this on purpose,” then he closes the piano gently. “You know me so well,” his voice is so soft but Soonyoung can hear him clearly in the quiet room, “it really scares me sometimes.”

Soonyoung brushes his sweaty fringe away and gets up, stretching his arms. He wants to say something back but his throat is too dry so he just keeps grinning instead. “Let’s go,” he says when he comes up to him by the piano, voice hoarse and Jihoon looks up at him, clearly concerned.

“You haven’t had water all this time?” There’s a hint of frustration in his voice and he gets up, shaking his head, and pushes Soonyoung slightly away. “Idiot, you should’ve told me to stop.”

“I was having too much fun,” Soonyoung admits, grinning dumbly and Jihoon watches him for a brief moment before muttering something and walking towards the door and out into the hallway. The second he’s out the room, Soonyoung leans his hand on the piano taking a few extra breaths. Fuck, he doesn’t dance fora few weeks and it’s like he’s back to square one. When Jihoon comes back he has two plastic cups of water and he hands both of them to Soonyoung.

“Drink.” Soonyoung does and Jihoon watches him the whole time. “Want more?” He asks when Soonyoung’s done and Soonyoung shakes his head, still smiling and Jihoon sighs. They clean the studio, lock up, buy some water and ice cream at the kiosk and walk to Eunha's house. It’s dark and the night is filled with crickets screaming and Jihoon's muttering.

“Lyrics?” Soonyoung asks and Jihoon nods, so he lets them walk in silence as Jihoon thinks through the lyrics and Soonyoung tries not to think how their hands are a breath away and focuses on his vanilla-chocolate swirl ice cream instead.

They grab some burgers from the neighborhood pub after dropping off the keys at Eunha's and spend the night in Soonyoung’s room writing lyrics, burger wrappers littering the floor.

“When’s the last time you slept?” Soonyoung asks when Jihoon’s head is dropping heavily on his shoulder and Soonyoung is the one writing down the words. They’ve both showered and are wearing Soonyoung’s clothes for pajamas and Jihoon isn’t that much smaller than him but Soonyoung’s shirt is still large and adorable on his smaller body. 

“I sleep every night,” Jihoon mumbles.

“How much?”

“Not much,” he admits and Soonyoung snakes his hand around Jihoon’s neck to gently push his head onto his shoulder.

“Sleep,” Soonyoung tells him, his hand still in Jihoon’s hair. He can tell how exhausted Jihoon is when the boy doesn’t protest and instead snuggles closer to him, a hand reaching towards Soonyoung’s waist. It’s rare that Jihoon gets like this, Soonyoung thinks and tentatively, with his other hand meets Jihoon’s over his stomach.

He’s nervous. He’s _so_ nervous. Soonyoung is rarely someone to be so scared about anything but he feels like he’s always, _always_ , scared around Jihoon. He holds his hand carefully, knowing Jihoon allowing him to touch him like this can slip away in just an instant, so he continues to be slow and cautious and gentle and when Jihoon rubs his thumb along the back of his hand, the fear seems to freeze him. The only part in his body that still moves is his thudding heart and he’s sure Jihoon can feel it through Soonyoung’s neck.

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon says quietly and Soonyoung wants to reply but he finds that he really can’t move just yet. “Thank you,” Jihoon’s voice is soft and Soonyoung squeezes his hand.

“Of course, Jihoonie,” he says back, voice strained despite trying to be lighthearted and Jihoon pushes his hand against Soonyoung’s stomach in retort making him laugh. He feels Jihoon turn his head to look up at him but refuses to look him in the eyes, and stares at their lyric notebook instead. In a few minutes, Jihoon’s breaths grow deeper and slower and Soonyoung stays still for a little while longer to make sure he’s really asleep. Jihoon doesn’t say it explicitly but Soonyoung is pretty sure he does suffer from some sort of insomnia. Rather than that, if Soonyoung ever confronts him about it, Jihoon likes to say that there are just way more interesting things to do while he’s awake. It’s believable. Jihoon really does spend his nights writing music or watching shows or doing things he loves and Soonyoung more than anything wants to support him in that. But support can only last so long before Jihoon calls him hyperventilating like he did the night before.  

Jihoon doesn’t get deadlines. Sure he gets commissions for Woozi but usually they aren’t too urgent and either way he just loves writing music. Still, as his popularity grows the expectations grow with it and when larger producers in Seoul began demanding tracks for successful soloists and idol groups Jihoon got a little carried away. He still produces his own music and Soonyoung loves to help, but the opportunities and money isn’t worth passing off. Right now there are two songs due by mid-August for September comebacks and Jihoon must have been working on those when the anxiety peaked.

Eventually, Soonyoung can’t sit still anymore so he picks up his notebook and, from the melody he can remember, keeps writing lyrics until he falls asleep, Jihoon’s cheek warm on his shoulder.

 

♫

 

The next morning Soonyoung wakes up with his head on his pillow and covers up to his chin. He turns over onto his back and rubs his eyes.

“Jihoonie,” he calls out mumbling. When nobody responds he sits up on his bed, hands behind him for support and blinks around trying to refocus the room. The futon by his bed is carefully rolled, just as it was yesterday, and Jihoon’s bag is untouched in the corner. Soonyoung glances around the bed and realizes the notebook with the lyrics is gone.

It takes him a moment to remember that he jotted down some words before he was himself knocked out and he quickly throws his legs over the edge of the bed and runs outside his room and down the stairs in the hope of finding the boy and apologize for whatever bullshit he threw onto the pages.

In the kitchen, his mom is frying something on the pan and turns around as soon as Soonyoung appears in the doorway.

“Jihoon-ah is on the hammock,” she says turning back to the food and Soonyoung throws her a thanks before rushing outside.

The hammock this early in the morning is still in the shade and Soonyoung thinks briefly that that's likely the only reason JIhoon was willing to lay in it. He has his headphones on and phone in his hands, the lyric notebook untouched across his stomach. Soonyoung comes up to him and grabs the notebook quickly surprising Jihoon enough that he almost drops his phone.

“Good morning,” he mumbles taking off his headphones as Soonyoung tries to find the page that he wrote on last night.

“Did you see them?” He asks nervously when he finds the page and presses it close to his chest. “They’re so stupid, you know how much I hate when you look at my lyrics without me!” He isn’t yelling at Jihoon and he isn’t angry but instead severely embarrassed. Jihoon knows how to channel specific language into his lyrics, a skill that Soonyoung hasn’t developed yet. His own lyrics usually come out silly and unrelated and Soonyoung prefers to explain his thought process when Jihoon reads them rather than leave them on their own.

Jihoon laughs at Soonyoung’s reaction and sits up on the hammock trying to retrieve the notebook. “Soonyoung don’t be a baby, they were good lyrics." He rolls his eyes when Soonyoung takes a step back not letting him take it.

“They weren’t! I was tired and delirious and-“ _nervous_ he wants to say but doesn’t. It’s hard to write when Jihoon’s soft breaths are hot against his collarbone, but Jihoon doesn’t need to know that detail. “You know I hate when you read my lyrics without my say.”

“Well,” Jihoon says looking away. “You did leave them in _our_ lyric notebook,” he points out and Soonyoung tries not to show how the “our” made his heart skip. When Jihoon realizes Soonyoung’s grip on the notebook hasn’t relaxed he sighs. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again," Soonyoung's grip relaxes a tiny bit. "They really were good lyrics, a bit cheesy but catchy. Catchy is what the industry wants these days, right?” He reaches out his hand and waits for Soonyoung to pass him the notebook. When Soonyoung doesn’t move, he adds, “I kept them you know? The dawn bit is really pretty,” Soonyoung swallows, sure that his ears are heating up and Jihoon, hand still stretched out, recites his lyrics, “ _’When dawn comes, like the sky and sunlight, we are resembling each other with time. In the end, we’ll become one_.’ It’s beautiful.”

Soonyoung throws the notebook at him. “Shut up.” Damn it, Soonyoung thinks. He doesn’t remember the lyrics being so damn romantic. He makes a note to himself to _not_ write lyrics when his potential… whatever he is drools on his shoulder.

They spend the next few days hanging out with Soonyoung’s family and it’s even more fun when Chan returns from his dance camp in Incheon. He’s clearly surprised when he sees Jihoon but thankfully doesn’t touch on it. He knows they’re close back in university, but he didn’t realize _how_ close.

“Did you invite anyone else?” Chan asks later that week. He and Soonyoung are out for a jog while Jihoon, naturally, stays at home.

“No,” Soonyoung tries to answer slowly as to not lose breath through the run. “I’m only here for another a week, I wasn’t planning on inviting anyone.”

“But Jihoon-hyung’s here?” Chan looks over at him, brow raised and not at all sweaty. Soonyoung meanwhile is practically dripping and its only been twenty minutes. 

“I wanted to get him out of the city for a bit,” he manages before he can ruin his breathing. 

“Is he okay?” Chan asks and Soonyoung glances at him before looking back at the ground.

“He’s fine,” Soonyoung says. “He’s too lazy to go all the way to Busan, so I had to get him out some other way.”

“Hmm,” is Chan’s only reply and they continue down the road in silence. On the way back they bump into Mingyu running along the same path.

“Hyung!” Chan yells first and Mingyu’s eyes widen before he smiles back and slows down.

“Hey,” he smiles but his eyes aren’t in it and the brothers slow down as well, Soonyoung leaning his hands on his knees.

“You didn’t answer my texts,” is the first thing he tells him when he straightens back out. He’s tried texting him almost daily but Mingyu was always silent. “I’m leaving this weekend, so if you want to make plans answer me, Mingyu-ya!” He shoves him playfully on the shoulder and Mingyu winces.

“Is everything okay, hyung?” Chan asks and Mingyu immediately smiles his usual bright grin but Soonyoung narrows his eyes instead of falling for it.

“I’m fine, just busy with family and stuff, you know how it is!” Of course they know how it is. But they’re both from small towns and Mingyu has been here for a month already and Soonyoung doubts that he’s been _that_ busy.

“Hey Chan,” Soonyoung says giving his brother a pat on the back. “Can you give Mingyu and I a few minutes alone? I’ll catch up soon.”

Chan blinks at his brother then pouts dramatically. “Fine,” then he adds with an innocent smile. “Don’t forget to tell Mingyu-hyung Jihoon-hyung is visiting, bye bye!” He sprints away and Soonyoung feels a blush spread up his neck before he looks over at Mingyu watching him curiously. That damn kid, he thinks, who taught him such sneaky mannerisms. 

“JIhoon’s here?” Mingyu asks after a moment and Soonyoung runs a hand through his sweaty fringe.

“Yes, it was last minute... Anyway, that’s not important right now,” he waves his hand as if that can shoo away the embarrassment. “What’s up with you?” He watches Mingyu with sharp eyes and Mingyu looks away, watching some kids playing baseball in the distance instead.

Soonyoung gives him the time he needs, partially because he doesn’t want to start running again and partially because… well Mingyu looks pretty damn sad. “Wonwoo didn’t tell me about his internship at Chosun,” Mingyu admits, wincing as if it physically hurts for him to admit it. “His mom told me,” he adds wetting his bottom lip. “I know we’ve been speaking less, I am scared to even check the last time we texted, but seriously? I know how much he wanted that job. He’s spoken about it since Freshman year and he told me nothing at all.” 

Soonyoung is silent, not really knowing what to say. He assumed Wonwoo _would_ tell him, he hasn’t checked up on it but he didn’t think that telling Mingyu about it was any of his business or that their relationship had gotten strained enough that he was supposed to. He’s not fully sure what happened between them and whenever he tries to ask either of them the answers are vague and unspecific but for things to have gotten this fragile? He didn't realize.

“I assumed he would,” Soonyoung admits and Mingyu shrugs.

“Me too.” They’re both quiet for a small moment before Soonyoung gives Mingyu a supportive squeeze on his bicep.

“You’ve been working out,” he says, surprised, feeling his muscle again. Mingyu tears his arm away from him and laughs.

“Yeah a little… There really isn’t much to do here.”

“I know,” Soonyoung grins at him, head tilting. “Want to come over for dinner?” 

Mingyu agrees easily just as most people do when it comes to Soonyoung and they jog back home in silence, which Soonyoung is eternally grateful for since he’s not sure if he would be able to keep going if he has to talk through the run again. When they arrive, Chan and Jihoon are playing video games on the living room floor, the TV emitting shooting sounds loud enough to wake the dead. They don’t even pause when Soonyoung and Mingyu appear by the doorway.

Jihoon glances briefly and smirks looking back at the screen. “Mingyu, good to see you,” he says as he shoots at something that makes Chan curse. “Maybe Soonyoung will finally stop complaining that you won’t answer his texts.”

“Ah, was hyung complaining that much?” Mingyu asks worriedly and Soonyoung shoots him a concerned gaze. If Mingyu isn’t teasing him about it he must really be in a sad state of mind. 

“All the time,” Jihoon says in mock-annoyance. “Please shut him up.” Soonyoung looks over at Mingyu who is smiling apologetically at him. 

“As long as you’re here now, it’s no problem,” he gives Mingyu a supportive pat on the pack and a large smile and when he looks at Jihoon, he notices the smaller’s eyes glance briefly at him. Part of him wants to believe Jihoon sensed the same type of miserableness emitting from Mingyu and is grateful for his attempt to make light of the situation. “I’m gonna go shower,” Soonyoung announces and Chan and Jihoon reply with “please” at the same time making Mingyu laugh.

He stops by his room to shed off his clothes and shoot a quick text to Wonwoo.

 

Soonyoung [19:46]: you seriously didn't tell mingyu about chosun? 

 

He goes to shower as soon as he presses send. He doesn’t want to be angry with Wonwoo, and he isn’t. They’ve been close for enough years that Soonyoung developed some sort of understanding on how the guy works, but Mingyu is also one of Soonyoung’s closest friends, and Wonwoo, who’s been best friends with Mingyu for even longer, should know that the boy will take things much more personally than they’re intended.

His thoughts go back to the previous summers when the three of them spent months together in their hometowns. Hiking, fishing, swimming, tanning, dancing, playing video games and doing whatever they want _together_ and it breaks him that since university nothing at all is the same. He wonders for a moment if they ever will be and the feeling he gets is upsettingly doubtful.

When he’s out of the shower he checks his phone and is surprised to see Wonwoo had already replied. It usually takes him a bit longer to respond to accusatory texts but him and Soonyoung have been texting a lot while separated so he guesses it would be strange if he wouldn’t reply. 

 

Wonwoo [19:50]: fuck I didn’t know how to

Wonwoo [19:53]: how did he find out? 

Soonyoung [19:55] seriously won? didn’t know how?

Soonyoung [19:55] tell him at the goodbye party tell him when he’s over tell him when you see him on campus TEXT HIM ABOUT IT

Wonwoo [19:56] I was going to it slipped my mind

 

Soonyoung doesn’t believe that but he doesn’t press it.

 

Soonyoung [19:56] so will you text him now to apologize?

 

Soonyoung waits a minute for Wonwoo to respond, but he doesn’t. He sighs before writing the next message.

 

Soonyoung [19:58] you two need to figure your shit out

Soonyoung [19:58] he wouldn’t even answer my texts I only saw him cause I bumped into him while jogging

Soonyoung [19:58] he looks miserable

Wonwoo [19:59] just let him know I wanted to tell him

Wonwoo [20:00] im sorry

 

Soonyoung groans and gives up texting pressing the call button instead. It takes three rings for Wonwoo to answer even though Soonyoung’s sure the phone was in his hand.

“Listen-“

“If I bring the phone to Mingyu right now will you apologize?” Soonyoung asks sitting down on his bed, towel still around his waist and neck wet from his dripping hair.

“Don’t do that,” Wonwoo says and Soonyoung can practically hear him run his hand across his face through the receiver. “I’ll apologize, I just want to do it properly,” he pauses briefly then adds, “face to face.”

“And when’s that gonna be since you avoid him all the time?” He replies, eyes rolling. “It’s been months, Won.”

“I-“ He starts but doesn’t continue.

“Would you come down tomorrow to apologize?”

“I can’t. I have the job.”

“And on the weekend?” Soonyoung asks and Wonwoo doesn’t respond. “Are you coming down at all?”

“I will for a couple of weekends,” he says, voice soft and Soonyoung wants to feel bad for him but he remembers Mingyu’s kicked puppy face downstairs.

“Will you see him then?”

“Soonyoung, stop pushing me,” Wonwoo defends and Soonyoung groans.

“If not me, you’ll never do anything about it!”

“I’ll do it! Just let me go at my own pace,” his voice is strained and equally annoyed. “He’s also my best friend, okay? I miss him too, I just… I don’t know what I want to say yet.”

Soonyoung scoffs. “Just say you’re sorry.”

“It’s not that easy when-“ he stops himself and clears his throat. “I know I hurt his feelings and I know I made him feel like our friendship doesn’t mean anything and I know I’ve kept doing it for the last several months so just let me,” he takes in a shuddered breath and Soonyoung’s anger calms at hearing it. “Let me figure out how to do this.”

Soonyoung is quiet for a few moments. “Fine,” he says eventually. “Just do it fast, I miss our movie nights.”

Wonwoo’s chuckle is soft on the line. “I do too.”

“Ugh,” Soonyoung groans again laying back on the bed. “You’re such a handful,” before Wonwoo can say anything else, he switches topics, “tell me about your internship.” They talk on the phone for another ten min before someone walks in and Soonyoung remembers he’s half naked on his bed, legs spread out wide.

“God, sorry!” He hears Jihoon and sits up straight right away, thighs clasping together, one hand trying to cover himself up. Jihoon is standing with one hand on the door handle and the other one covering your eyes. “Lock the door, dumbass!” He yells at him and Soonyoung blushes.

“I wasn’t doing anything!” He defends while Wonwoo asks who that is over the phone.

Fuck, Soonyoung thinks embarrassingly. He hadn’t even told Wonwoo that Jihoon is visiting, he’s not sure why he’s hiding it but somehow he thinks Wonwoo will realize something if Soonyoung starts talking about Jihoon being at his childhood home and Soonyoung isn’t ready for those kinds of conversations just yet.

“Is that Mingyu?” Wonwoo asks bringing Soonyoung back to the present.

“What? No, no it’s not,” he shifts on the bed not knowing if he should get up scared the towel will fall off his butt too and he’s afraid Jihoon has had enough scarring for tonight. “Won, I’ll call you back okay?”

“Um, oka-“ Soonyoung hangs up before Wonwoo is finished and eyes Jihoon nervously who is staring at him through spread fingers.

“What do you think I was doing?!” Soonyoung yells at him and Jihoon drops his hand, ears blazing.

“I don’t know! I come in and just see your-“ He licks his lips instead of saying the word and Soonyoung stares at him incredulously.

“What my dick?” Jihoon just gapes at him. “Don’t you think I’d do it in the shower?!”

“I wasn’t really thinking of you doing it at all!” He yells back and Soonyoung purses his lips hoping in some way that will stop his face from being dyed a blazing red. “Anyway,” Jihoon says after a quick silence. “I just wanted to get my charger.”

“Okay,” Soonyoung says and doesn’t move and neither does Jihoon. “Do you need help finding it, or…?”

Jihoon clears his throat. “Right,” he moves towards his duffel bag and takes out the white cord. “Thanks!” He says before leaving the room and Soonyoung stares at the door for a few moments wondering what the fuck just happened.

 _Jihoon saw your dick that’s what happened,_ his mind tells him, _and then he thanked you._

Soonyoung presses balled fists into his eyes and groans before getting dressed into sweats and a large t-shirt and rejoining his friends downstairs.

Jihoon is on the couch using his plugged in phone, while Mingyu and Chan are playing a round of the video game. Soonyoung isn’t sure if Jihoon wants Soonyoung anywhere near him but decides to sit on the couch anyway. Jihoon glances at him briefly before looking back at his phone.

“I sent out a sample of _Highlight_ ,” he tells him in a low voice. _Highlight_ ’s the song they’ve been working on that week. It only took them a few days to write the lyrics and Jihoon composed most of it during their dance practice on Friday. “They like it,” he continues. “They want me to record a sample as soon as possible.”

“That's great,” Soonyoung is grinning excitedly.

“Yeah,” Jihoon smiles airily, as if a weight has been lift off his chest. “You’re planning on going back this weekend, right?”

“Yeah, I was,” he admits.

“You can stay if you want but,” Jihoon licks his lips making them shine and Soonyoung forces himself to focus on the boy’s eyes. “I wanted to record it with you, if that’s okay.”

Soonyoung’s eyes widen, his heart hiccuping painfully. They’ve recorded songs together and there’s plenty of Hoshi-Woozi combos on Soundcloud, but never on an official track Jihoon has produced. “Are you serious?”

“Well, you _are_ the inspiration behind the piece,” Soonyoung practically melts at that. It’s like he’s Jihoon’s muse. What the fuck. “And you did contribute quite a bit to the lyrics. This is as much of your song as it is mine.”

Soonyoung swallows. He doesn’t know how much he believes that, this song wouldn’t exist without Jihoon but without Soonyoung the lyrics might’ve taken a bit longer. Still, he sees the earnestness in Jihoon’s eyes and nods. “I’d love to record it with you,” he accepts, grinning. “I really was planning on going home this weekend anyway.”

Jihoon nods and goes back on his phone typing something furiously. He’s probably letting Bumzu know he secured a job and is reserving a studio for next week and Soonyoung leans back on the couch eyes on the screen where Mingyu and Chan are shooting at each other but not really watching it, his mind somewhere else.

They eat dinner later and Soonyoung drives Mingyu back home since he lives quite a bit away, another reason Soonyoung was concerned when he found Mingyu jogging so close to his house. That probably took him about an hour.

“I’m going to leave this weekend," Soonyoung says when they're parked outside Mingyu's house. "But I’m still here for a few days so hang out with us, okay?” 

“Thanks, hyung,” Mingyu nods. Soonyoung chews on his lip, deciding if he should tell him about his conversation with Wonwoo but Mingyu speaks first. “I don’t want you to guilt trip him,” Mingyu shoots Soonyoung a glance and Soonyoung blinks, confused. “If Wonwoo wants to apologize or talk to me again,” Mingyu adds in a strained voice, “Then I want him to do it on his own, without you or anybody else forcing it that way I-“ Mingyu licks his chapped lips, fingers tightening on his running pants. “That way I know he means it.”

Soonyoung’s lips purse. “I kind of already spoke to him about it,” Mingyu’s eyes widen at him. “And before you get mad!” He adds quickly, “Wonwoo asked me not to force him to do anything either, so I won’t interfere anymore,” Mingyu swallows and relaxes visibly. “I miss my best friends, too, you know?” Mingyu nods, not meeting his eyes. ”If it’s any consolation, I know Wonwoo cares a lot about you.”

“Okay,” Mingyu says softly. “I’ll be waiting for him.”

Soonyoung smiles, heart softening. “Should I tell him that?”

Mingyu blushes. “Do whatever you want, hyung,” he mumbles and gets out the car. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“If you answer my texts, yes,” Soonyoung grins and Mingyu smiles back wishing him goodnight before heading up to his house. While already there, Soonyoung parks a few houses ahead to see how Wonwoo's parents are doing and sends Wonwoo a selfie with his mom. By the time he’s back home Wonwoo has replied, “cute”.

At his own house, his parents are drinking tea in the kitchen and the living room is quiet, Chan and Jihoon likely separated between the rooms.

“Mingyu-ya was here?” His mom asks when Soonyoung passes them.

“Yeah,” Soonyoung smiles. “Can I invite him for dinner tomorrow?” 

“Of course,” she grins. “I haven’t seen that boy in a long time, how is he?”

“Very tall,” Soonyoung says matter-of-factly and his dad shakes his head.

“He’s making us Kwons look bad.” Soonyoung chuckles at that.

“I’ll be leaving this weekend,” he tells his parents and his mom’s smile lessens visibly.

“So soon?” She asks and Soonyoung bows his head apologetically.

“Jihoon and I have a song to work on,” he tells them. “I also need to start teaching again.”

His mom watches him with thoughtful eyes while his dad grins, excitedely. “A new Hoshi-Woozi combo?”

Soonyoung grins back at his dad. “Yes, I’ll send you a demo.” His dad gapes at that, looking over to his wife excitedly.

Soonyoung’s mom doesn’t look away from him and smiles warmly. “You seem really happy with him,” she says and the way she phrases the sentence makes Soonyoung’s blood freeze. He really doesn’t want his mom out of all people telling him how he feels.

“Ah, yes,” he looks away. “It’s really fun to work with a best friend.” When he looks up his mom is looking at him with one brow raised. “Anyway!” He says loudly. “Goodnight!” Before his parents can say anything else he quickly heads upstairs.

In his room, Jihoon is bundled inside the futon, entire body under the sheets and cheek pressed against his pillow watching some animation on his laptop. He’s not wearing headphones so he turns over when Soonyoung walks in and then back to the laptop as he mumbles a hello.

“What are you watching?”

“You wouldn’t know it anyway,” he responds and Soonyoung scoffs.

“I’ve watched anime before,” he defends.

“I’d be surprised if you hadn’t.”

Soonyoung sits behind Jihoon, legs crossed. “So which one is this?” Jihoon turns around and quickly returns to the screen when he realizes how close Soonyoung is.

“It’s called Ouran High School Host Club,” he mutters and Soonyoung’s mouth opens in a small 'o'. He hasn’t seen this one. He watches the show silently for a few minutes not wanting to disturb Jihoon entirely and laughs out loud at the main character’s obnoxiousness.

“This is funny,” he says as the guy in the glasses scolds the blonde boy and Jihoon snickers.

“Reminds me of you and Wonwoo,” Jihoon says and Soonyoung gasps.

“I am not _that_ loud.”

“Uh huh,” he responds sarcastically.

“I am not!”

“Point proven.”

Soonyoung pokes him harshly through the blanket and Jihoon twists away, laughing.

“Ow! You know I’m right.” Soonyoung pouts and raises his knees hugging them, placing his chin on top.

“Who are you then?”

“I’m the guy watching the anime,” Jihoon replies with a snicker and Soonyoung pokes him with toe making him laugh again. “Fine! I don’t know who I am, I haven’t decided yet.” Soonyoung watches him from above, the way the colorful lights of the show hit his smooth pale face and enjoys the moment where he can watch him without fear of getting caught. When Jihoon laughs at some joke Soonyoung blinks away and focuses back at the screen, cheek on his knees and mind creating images of their own where he can lay down behind Jihoon and snake an arm around his waist and kiss his neck feeling the vibrations of his laughter when Jihoon giggles at some joke.

The image hits him so strong he gets up in a rush making Jihoon look over at him with concern.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just gotta poop,” he grins childishly and Jihoon rolls his eyes turning back to his show.

“Go on, then.”

Soonyoung really does go poop, but he also stays on his phone for fifteen minutes extra texting Seokmin about this girl he’s trying to hit on at a party back in Seoul. The guy’s so wasted though, Soonyoung isn’t really sure he’s fully involved in their conversation. When he comes back to the room he goes on his bed instead of sitting by Jihoon’s side.

“How was it?” Jihoon asks, looking up at him, his face the only bright thing in the dark room.

Soonyoung laughs. “Relaxing.”

“Wonderful,” Jihoon mumbles and returns his eyes to the screen. Soonyoung keeps texting Seokmin until Seokmin is confident enough to go up to the girl and the texts stop. He sighs. He can’t help but admit maybe he’s a little jealous of Seokmin and maybe he himself, too, wants a steamy hook up. It’s been so long and even longer since he has tried to initiate anything…

“Stop staring,” Jihoon tells him without looking up and Soonyoung looks away, blushing. He didn’t even realize he was watching Jihoon the entire time, fuck, he really is embarrassingly smitten.

“Jihoon-ah,” Soonyoung says, voice soft in the room despite the Japanese voices emitting from the laptop. “Have you ever hooked up with anyone?”

Jihoon’s sharp eyes rise to his. “Are you trying to make fun of me?”

Soonyoung blinks, then shakes his head vehemently. “Of course not,” he defends. “I am genuinely asking.”

Jihoon sighs and takes out a hand from under his blanket to press pause, engulfing the room in silence. “What is this about, Soonyoung?”

Soonyoung chews on his bottom lip for a short moment after which he replies, “Seokmin was asking for hook up advice and now he isn’t replying anymore so… I guess I was just thinking how long it’s been since I’ve had one.”

Jihoon is watching him with piercing eyes. “And what do I have to do with that?”

Soonyoung shrugs, embarrassed. “I was just curious,” he admits, looking down at his phone, unable to take the intensity of his gaze.

“I _have_ hooked up before,” Jihoon says after a short silence.

Soonyoung shrugs. “Cool.” _Not_ cool, he means as he tries hard not to show that he’s disappointed by the news. When Jihoon doesn’t speak again he glances down towards him. Jihoon is staring into space chewing on his top lip and Soonyoung sighs.

“Who was she?” He asks and Jihoon’s eyes snap up to his and then just as quickly he looks away blushing.

“I don’t think it’s my place to tell,” he says and presses play of his show.

“That’s not fair,” Soonyoung straightens. “How am I supposed to be convinced you’re not lying to me?”

Jihoon pauses the show. “I’m not,” his voice is loud in the room with frustration. “I just want to respect the other’s privacy.”

Soonyoung scoffs. “I’m not going to go find her,” then he pauses realizing. “Wait,” he says slowly, eyes widening. “Wait, wait, wait, is she someone we know?” Jihoon’s face scrunches, clearly wanting to get as far away from this conversation as possible. “Wait!” Soonyoung exclaims again, the realization growing stronger. “We only know guys?!”

At this Jihoon shoves his face into his pillow and groans. “Just leave me alone, I’m not gonna tell you anyway.”

At this point, Soonyoung is too far gone. He throws his legs over the edge of his bed and grabs on to the edges of the mattress. “You’re gay?” He asks, voice low and almost demanding.

Jihoon rolls slightly off the pillow, enough for one of his eyes to meet Soonyoung’s. “Is it really that much of a surprise?”

“You write love songs about girls all the damn time,” Soonyoung says dumbly.

“I’m writing in a homophobic business for idols and other successful artists, you think I’m about to write songs about gay love?” His voice is bitter and venomous and Soonyoung relaxes his grip and sits back, a shaky breath escaping his mouth.

“I had no idea.”

“Well now you do.”

“Then… Who else is gay that we know?” He says looking into the darkness of his room to think it through. “Except me, of course,” he tilts his head, lips pursing. He’s been openly bi for a long time, most of the people in his life knew, even his immediate family. “But we haven’t hooked up…” he continues as he thinks out loud. “Unless I forgot that we did?” His eyes shoot to Jihoon who is staring at him like he’s an idiot. “Did I forget? God I am so so-“

“Shut up, Soonyoung,” he groans again, rolling onto his back and covering his face with his hands. “I'm not having this conversation.”

“Is it Mingyu? I always suspected he’s flexible on the spectrum. I never believed that one hook up was a one-time thing.”

Jihoon groans again. “Seriously, Soonyoung, I won’t tell you anyway, so just drop it.”

 _Just drop it?_ Soonyoung thinks. How can he drop this when there’s someone out there who he knows and has beaten him to hooking up with Jihoon. Part of him scolds himself for treating Jihoon like some victory, but part of him wants to go down to Jihoon’s futon, pull his hands away from his face and make him look at him, _really_ look at him.

“Why do you even care so much?” Jihoon mumbles and Soonyoung stares at him, wide eyed.

“I’m a curious man!” He defends and Jihoon pulls his hands from his face and chuckles softly. Soonyoung bites his lip. He doesn’t want to admit to himself how much he has thought about kissing Jihoon. Probably much more than he readily realizes.

“How long ago did it happen?”

“I’m going to punch you,” Jihoon grumbles but Soonyoung can’t let this go anymore. He tries to think of all the times he suspected something, but realizes he never did.

“Is it Jun?” Jun’s his freshman roommate and they’re still close, it could be him, right? Plus, Jun is flamboyant, seems pretty free sexually too despite them never having discussed it…

Jihoon groans, turning over, his back to Soonyoung. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Come on! Give me a hint,” Soonyoung pushes and he knows he’ll regret being annoying about this but he’s got to know.

Jihoon takes a few seconds to reply. “It happened last year,” he confesses. “Can we stop now?”

“And it’s someone we know?”

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon warns, albeit worn out, clearly done with this conversation. Soonyoung, meanwhile, tries to think very hard about last year. What stands out most is his end of the year performance, Wonwoo and Mingyu’s fight, Jihoon’s _Habit_ , their _Bring it_ , and _Change Up_ that they wrote together with Seungcheol back in October.

Wait.

“Was it Seungcheol?” He says, slowly, not quite believing it. Jihoon doesn’t reply and Soonyoung’s shoulders drop as he stares dumbly into a dark corner of his room, hands squeezing at his mattress once more. Jihoon didn’t confirm anything, yet… right? “Seungcheol is straight, though,” Soonyoung says when the silence gets too much. “I don’t get it.”

“It’s none of your business to get it,” Jihoon replies, annoyed, and Soonyoung looks over to Jihoon.

“So I’m right?” He asks, still shocked, and Jihoon once again says nothing to that. He runs a hand through his hair, realizing this is hitting him much stronger than he thought it would and it _hurts_. What hurts more is that the three of them were working on _Change Up_ together at the time and they were hooking up behind his back? When Seungcheol is straight and currently has a girlfriend of almost six months and Soonyoung is _right_ there. Without another word he gets up from his bed and walks around Jihoon’s futon and out the door, feeling the burn of Jihoon’s gaze on his back.

He brushes his teeth and grips the sink when he spits out the paste willing for the Jihoon and Seungcheol images to leave his mind. He doesn’t want to imagine what the fuck they were doing and how far the hook ups have gotten and how long they lasted he just… He groans and splashes his face with water. He doesn’t want to know. Jihoon was right, it was none of his business.

He comes back the room in a few minutes and the light from the hallway illuminates Jihoon already looking at him.

“Done with your little tantrum?” He asks, voice unimpressed but eyes watching him with a touch of concern. “I told you not to press it.”

“You did,” Soonyoung agrees and shuts the door behind him making his way to his bed.

He hears the rustles of Jihoon’s sheets as he turns around on his mattress. He doesn’t say anything and Soonyoung, in the silence, climbs into his bed and checks his phone.

 

Seokmin [01:23]: DUDE she blew me in the bathroom

Seokmin [01:23]: fuck

Seokmin [01:23]: that was amazing

Seokmin [01:36]: I FORGOT TO GET HER NUMEBR

 

Soonyoung sighs and puts his phone on airplane mode, placing it on his bedside table. He lays there with Jihoon beside him on the floor, in silence.

“You have no right to feel angry about this, Soonyoung,” Jihoon says eventually and Soonyoung closes his eyes. Jihoon is right, but still… He’s hurt and he doesn’t understand and he wishes-

“How long?” He asks instead, voice unusually monotone.

“How long what?”

“How long were you two hooking up?”

Jihoon sighs. “It only happened a few times. He was drunk the first time and then he wanted to again and we did for a while but… I wasn’t interested,” he says but doesn’t sound convincing.

Soonyoung turns his head to look at Jihoon. The room is dark but he can still make out Jihoon’s pale skin and black eyes looking back at him. “You don’t have to lie to me,” Soonyoung says and Jihoon frowns.

“I’m not,” he swallows. “You’re right. Seungcheol is straight and I was a fun thrill to him and even though…” he licks his lips. “Even if I was interested, I didn’t like being his experiment.”

Soonyoung covers his face with his hands and groans. “I feel like such an idiot. Was it when we were working on _Change Up_? How many times did I walk in on you? How many times did you blow me off so you could hook up? How far did you go? Oh my god… Did I ever like sit in your sex spot?!”

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon’s voice is strong and calming. “You’re our friend and our partner we wouldn’t do that to you. If you happened to leave early that’s something else tough…”

“Shut up,” Soonyoung grumbles, his heart feeling five times smaller, squeezed into a tiny ball. “This is so unfair,” he says, not even caring if he’s slipping.

Jihoon pauses. “Unfair?” He questions carefully.

And maybe it’s Soonyoung’s mood, or his impatience, or how tired he is and how hurt, but he says a little desperately, “I’m _right_ her _e_ aren’t I?”

They’re both quiet and Soonyoung realizes that he shouldn’t have said that but somehow, this late at night, it feels like it doesn’t matter.

“Soonyoung you’re my friend but I-“

“It’s fine,” Soonyoung cuts him off before he can hear something else he doesn’t want to. “You don’t have to say anything, okay?” Jihoon doesn’t reply so Soonyoung takes that as agreement. “Anyway, I’m tired,” he turns to face the wall and closes his eyes, hands grabbing at his pillow. “Good night.”

“Yeah,” Jihoon replies, voice soft in the dark room and Soonyoung, with great effort, forces himself to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	2. Chapter 2

Soonyoung is first to wake up next morning. It doesn’t hit him completely, the conversation he and Jihoon had last night. Instead, he lays on his bed staring at the ceiling his dream playing over and over in his head. In the dream he’s alone in Jihoon’s studio, computer screen lit up, playing _Change Up_ over and over again. When Soonyoung tries to press pause he’s transported to the recording room on the other side of the glass and begins rapping his lines.  

“How was that?” He asks into the mic after he’s done, one hand removing his headphone when nobody replies. “JIhoonie?” There’s no reply. “JIhoonie? Are you there? Was that good enough?” This time noise fills his ear through the headphone: pants and sighs and moans and that’s when Soonyoung wakes up. 

It’s only then, when he’s awake and trying to analyze his dream, that he remembers last night’s conversation and realizes who those noises probably belonged to. The thought rouses him from bed instantly. He looks to the floor and sees Jihoon asleep, laptop closed before him and hand curled beside his face. Sleeping Jihoon is one of the cutest things Soonyoung has ever witnessed, he understood it that week, but this morning the awe is not the same. 

Quietly, he gets out of bed, grabs his phone, and leaves his room. He washes his face, brushes his teeth, and takes his phone off airplane mode as he goes down the stairs to get some breakfast, the few notifications coming in.

 

Seokmin [02:03]: ok I got number lfollll 

Jun [8:10]: PLEASE tell me youre coming back next week I can’t handle these kids on my own anymore 

Wonwoo [8:45]: i think im going to buy one of those nespresso machines

 

Soonyoung laughs at his texts and deletes a few emails before replying.

 

To Seokmin: congrats fool but make sure you actually text her

To Jun: I thought u loved kids smh wheres minghao?

To Wonwoo: man with a job splurging

 

He throws his phone on the counter and opens the fridge deciding what to make for breakfast and if to make extra for the sleeping boy upstairs. While he’s staring at the food his mom walks in saving him from the decision. He helps her arrange the side dishes from the ones she preps at the start of every week, while she makes scrambled eggs at the stove. 

“Is Jihoon-ah still asleep?” She asks, not turning away from the stove.

“Yeah, I don’t like waking him up,” he admits hoping his voice isn’t shaky. He’s fucking nervous about seeing Jihoon this morning. He’s not sure if last night was an official confession but it was definitely something within that category. Thankfully, his mom doesn’t press it and they continue preparing the breakfast in silence.

Chan and his dad come downstairs in a small while and Soonyoung declines going upstairs to wake up Jihoon, instead deciding to make sure there are left overs for him. They finish eating around twelve and Soonyoung purses his lips when he checks the time.

“Are you sure hyung isn’t awake yet?” Chan asks and Soonyoung sighs as he gets up.

“I’ll go check.” It takes him a moment to actually walk into his room, choosing to stand out in the hallway for a long thirty seconds. He decides to finally give the door a soft knock before going inside, hoping Jihoon really is still asleep.

Inside, the curtains are still closed, the room is dark, but Soonyoung still sees Jihoon rummaging through his bag in the corner of the room.

“Ah, you’re awake,” Soonyoung says and Jihoon stills but doesn’t look at him. “There’s breakfast downstairs, you hungry?”

Jihoon turns only slightly to glance at Soonyoung. “Soonyoung, I-“

“Are you hungry or not?” Soonyoung asks with a slight roll of his eyes. He doesn't want to hear what Jihoon was going to say, part of him realizes that Jihoon was awake for much longer than what it seemed. He also realizes that maybe Jihoon didn’t want to come downstairs to confront Soonyoung and that means the conversation he was so terrified of _actually_ happened and Soonyoung wasn't ready for those revelations just yet.

Jihoon licks his lips, shining visibly even in the dark room, and nods. They head downstairs, Jihoon still dressed in his large sweats and Soonyoung’s oversized shirt and bows a thank you to his family before he starts eating. Chan had already left to meet some friends and soon after Jihoon and Soonyoung are sitting at the table alone when his parents leave as well.

As Jihoon eats the other boy sits in silence, sipping on some green tea he made for the both of them despite the summer heat pulsing through the kitchen window. He texted Mingyu earlier so he checks to see if there’s a reply.

 

Wonwoo [10:22]: better than splurging on buying coffee everyday im going to be broke soon

Wonwoo [10:23]: btw u know if jihoons alright? hes not answering my texts

 

Jun [11:43]: haohaos here but hes going to mingyus next week so u NEED to come back

Jun [11:43]: also wnwoo just asked where jihoon is but I assumed he went to urs right?

 

Mingyu [11:50]: ahh shit I just woke up! I’ll come by soon :)

 

Soonyoung ignores the first two and texts Mingyu back first.

 

Soonyoung [12:43]: sorry I wasn’t on my phone

Soonyoung [12:43]: wanna bring the car? we could go to the city

Soonyoung [12:43]: arcade

Soonyoung [12:44]: karaoke

Soonyoung [12:44]: smth u know

Mingyu [12:45]: sounds good :D

Mingyu [12:45]: still didn't’ leave yet btw haha.. ill text when im on my way

 

Soonyoung puts his phone away and glances up at Jihoon who seems incredibly concentrated on his bowl of rice. Something about Jihoon not telling anyone he’s at Soonyoung’s gives the boy a weird kind of satisfaction. 

“Did you not tell Jun where you’re going?” He asks out of nowhere and Jihoon chokes on his bite. He takes a tissue to wipe his mouth first and clears his throat.

“Why should I tell him?” he defends. “It’s not like we live together anymore.” Soonyoung eyes him, unconvinced. “It’s not like you told Wonwoo, either,” Jihoon’s sharp eyes meet his. “He’s been texting me to hang out, I don’t even know how to reply. Am I allowed to tell him?”

“Of course,” Soonyoung leans back on his chair trying to act nonchalant but freaking out a little inside. “Why should your visit be a secret?”

“I don’t know you’re the one not telling him.”

“You’re the one not telling Jun.”

“He didn’t ask!”

“Well neither did Wonwoo! He only asked today, you’re the one who isn’t replying to his texts.”

“I thought because you didn’t want me telling him! Why wouldn’t you mention me to him aren’t you two always talking anyway?”

“There’s a lot of things to talk about!”

“So tell him!”

“You tell him!”

Jihoon groans. “Why are we even yelling about this? You said it wasn’t a secret.”

“It’s not.”

“So why didn’t you tell him?”

“I wanted to respect your privacy,” Soonyoung says and he isn’t lying. In the state that Jihoon came to him he wasn’t sure if Jihoon wanted anyone to know where he was.

Jihoon’s eyes soften. “Well, I’m fine.”

“I’m glad.”

“Good.”

“Yes.”

Silence. “So will you tell him?” Jihoon asks and Soonyoung doesn’t reply when he picks up his phone to send back the texts.

 

To Wonwoo: he’s fine he just needed some time off 

To Jun:

 

He chews on his lip and puts his phone away without replying. Jihoon is watching him and Soonyoung has to look away again. “Is it greedy of me,” he says carefully, “that I like it if nobody knows you’re here?”

Jihoon blinks. “It’s a little possessive,” Jihoon mutters going back to his rice.

Soonyoung lets out a sigh, leaning his chin in the palm of his hand as he stares at their yard through the window. During the summer months their garden is so green the only color is the hammock stretched between two trees. He loves the view. “I’m sure he’ll figure it out..." He says finally, "Jun did.”

“There’s really no other place I’d go.”

“Maybe you’re camping out at the studio?”

“For a week?” Jihoon chuckles incredulously.

“You’ve done it for a few days before.”

“Key word: days.” Soonyoung shrugs.

“Mingyu is coming soon with the car, we’ll probably go to the city,” he shifts his gaze to Jihoon. “Sounds good?”

“I bet it worked out nicely your little secret, now that Mingyu and Wonwoo aren’t speaking,” Jihoon is smirking.

“Are you finally admitting that you’re little?” Soonyoung smirks back and Jihoon flicks rice onto his face.

 

♫

 

The closest city to them isn’t as large as Seoul but it’s only about an hour north and offers enough entertainment three boys would want after being stuck in the countryside for weeks.

“Karaoke?” Soonyoung asks with a grin. He’s sitting in the middle of the backseat and shifts forward to stick his face between his friends.

“Please sit normally,” Jihoon tells him.

“Are you even buckled up?” Mingyu checks and Soonyoung stretches out his belt pointedly. “I’m good with karaoke,” he adds when satisfied with Soonyoung’s safety. “Also I want to get some Chinese. Minghao’s coming next week I wanna have some place to take him in case he wants some.”

“Right! He’s coming Sunday right?” Soonyoung asks and Mingyu nods. “Damn poor Jun,” he giggles. “It’s just two of us next week as well.” Jihoon isn’t saying anything, but he does glance over at Soonyoung when he says that. “Don’t worry,” Soonyoung grins at him. “I’ll have time to record.” The boy looks away and Soonyoung tries not to blush at the redness of Jihoon’s ears.

Mingyu looks between them for a short glance and returns back to the road. “So eat first or karaoke?” He asks and the short tension eases out.

They start with karaoke and Soonyoung is the first to choose a song going with _Sherlock_ immediately. He sings another three Shinee songs before Mingyu grabs the mic out of his hand and solos two Twice songs back to back. Jihoon is last and Soonyoung insists to choose the song for him.

“Please, please!” He screams raising the iPad they choose the songs on above his head. “I know which song you want, anyway! I promise!” Jihoon rolls his eyes and sits back down, arms crossed, waiting. Soonyoung grins even wider scrolling down the list of songs to choose Bruno Mars’ _24k Magic_ and then smiles at Jihoon expectantly.

As soon as the songs starts Jihoon purses his lips and Soonyoung starts yelling the beginning part. “TOniiiiight! I just want to take you hiiiigher!” He sings at Jihoon. “Let’s set this party on fiiiiiiree~” He cackles and Jihoon kicks him before picking up his own mic and starting off the song with, “Players! Put your pinky rings up!” He jumps off the coach and starts soloing the whole song by himself as Soonyoung falls back onto the cushions and grins at him the entire time. It’s only when the song is finishing does he look back at Mingyu.

“He’s so good!” He screams at him and Mingyu watches him back with a brow raised, which Soonyoung pointedly ignores. When the song is done, Jihoon sits back down and smiles at Soonyoung. “I chose the right song then?” Soonyoung tilts his head with a grin of his own and Jihoon shakes his head but doesn’t disagree. Jihoon sings a few more American pop songs and Soonyoung joins with the adlibs in the back while Mingyu texts on his phone on the side.

“Hey you wanna go?” Soonyoung asks Mingyu after it’s his turn to sing again. Mingyu looks up embarrassed and shakes his head.

“I’m good,” he smiles, slightly unconvincing.

“Okay, well tell us when you want to go, alright?” He tells him and Mingyu nods. “You can choose a song before me,” he adds. “I need to cool off.” Mingyu grabs the mic and this time decides to sing some old Super Junior songs while Soonyoung leans back on the cushion, eyes closed.

“You need some water?” Jihoon asks over the music and Soonyoung nods not opening his eyes and feels a cold bottle press against his hand. He sits up muttering a thank you and drinks almost half of the bottle in one go. “You’re so sweaty,” Jihoon comments, nose scrunching and Soonyoung shrugs.

“I sweat easily.”

“I know,” Jihoon’s nose is still scrunched and Soonyoung wants to squish it. When Mingyu is done with his song Soonyoung quickly chooses his and gets up jumping all around the room singing his lungs out. When he’s done he flops back down exhausted and hears Jihoon laughing his ass off and opens his eyes to see the other pointing at him with the widest smile on his face and allows himself to admit to himself that he could spend his whole life trying to win that smile back.

They sing a few more rounds and, exhausted and slightly dehydrated, decide to walk around in search of a Chinese restaurant. They grab some popsicles on the way to cool down and Soonyoung is only slightly embarrassed by how drenched his shirt is.

“I don’t understand how you’re a dancer when you sweat so quickly,” Jihoon is giggling and Soonyoung frowns.

“Sweating rate does not define dancing abilities!”

“It should,” Mingyu adds and high fives Jihoon. Soonyoung keeps frowning and tries to air his shirt as they walk, a lemon popsicle dripping in his other hand.

They find the Chinese restaurant the clerk at the kiosk had recommended them and order a large range of food to share. While they wait, Soonyoung takes out his phone first time since he left the house.

 

Jun [14:13]: ignore me as much as you want but minghao told me ure w jihoon

Jun [14:14]: u know how I know? :D

Jun [14:14]: mingyu was complaining how he’s feeling like a third wheel loool

Jun [14:14]: that's not very nice of you soonie if u wanna have a date just go the two of you

Jun [14:15]: [image attachment]

 

Soonyoung blushes and looks up at Mingyu who’s discussing something with Jihoon and looks back down to type back furiously.

 

Soonyoung [15:11]: there was no third wheeling we’re just friends

Soonyoung [15:12]: also nobody uses that meme anymore

Jun [15:13]: oh my god out of all people YOU won’t be telling me which memes are in right now

Jun [15:13]: and yeah suuuuure whatever u say just make sure im the first to know when u two finally hook up

 

Soonyoung feels his entire face burn and thankfully the food comes right then so he has an excuse to bury himself in the dishes. They eat quickly and diligently and within half an hour all the plates are almost empty and they lean back, stomachs full and satisfied.

“This was good,” Soonyoung approves, out of breath. “Bring Minghao here.”

“Yes, sir,” Mingyu sighs out, rubbing his tummy. It’s only then that they realize Jihoon is still finishing his last bowl of rice.

“What?” He asks when he notices the boys staring at him in disbelief. “Are you done with that?” He asks Soonyoung who still has a piece of meat on his plate and Soonyoung nods watching the food disappear into Jihoon’s mouth.

Jihoon orders pudding for desert, while Mingyu and Soonyoung watch in shock how he easily eats that as well.

“How are you so small but fit so much?” Mingyu asks in awe and Jihoon shrugs simply. They spend the latter of the afternoon playing at an arcade and then drive back in time for dinner at Soonyoung’s place. By the time Mingyu leaves that night it’s almost midnight and Soonyoung flops onto his bed as soon as he enters his room. He hears Jihoon fumbling with his mattress and gets up right away to help.

“No, it’s fine,” Jihoon protests. “I can set it up myself.”

“It’s no big deal,” Soonyoung yawns and Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“You’re exhausted. I can do it.”

“Only because I just laid down and confused my body! I can help,” he says again trying to take the futon out of Jihoon’s hands but Jihoon presses it closer to himself.

“Go brush your teeth or something!” He insists and Soonyoung realizes how close they’re standing. Suddenly Jun’s text flashes before his eyes and he steps away hastily.

“Fine, but I offered!” He leaves his room and checks his phone while he uses the toilet.

 

Jun [16:44]: heheeee ignoring mee~~~~~~ very mature

Reply: im not discussing jihoon with you

 

Seokmin [14:55]: going on a date with that girl tomorrow :D:D:D

Reply: DUDEEEE YES GOOD LUCK make sure u hook up somewhere more classy this time though ;)

 

Chan [15:01]: YOU WENT TO THE CITY AND DIDN’T TELL ME?? HYUUUUNG

Reply: YOU HAD PLANS

 

The last messages are from Wonwoo and Soonyoung takes longer to think of what to write back.

 

Wonwoo [13:44]: aight if uve spoken to him let him know if he’s free we can hang out

Wonwoo [15:31]: ok so Jun told me jihoons with you… is there a reason u didn't mention it?

Wonwoo [15:32]: I kind of always suspected you had something going on I hope you know you don’t have to hide that from me..

Soonyoung [23:43]: nothings going on between us, I just wanted to respect his privacy

 

By the time he’s done brushing his teeth there’s a reply.

 

Wonwoo [23:46]: are you sure

Soonyoung [23:47] what do u mean

Wonwoo [23:47]: im saying u two are always together

Soonyoung [23:47]: US two are also always together? So what?

Wonwoo [23:47]: …

Soonyoung [23:48]: DON'T ELIPSES ON ME

Wonwoo [23:48]: …

Soonyoung [23:48]: im not talking abt this anymore

Wonwoo [23:48]: just make sure im the first one to know when u guys finally happen

Soonyoung [23:49]: are you with Jun right now?

Wonwoo [23:49]: [image attachment]

Soonyoung [23:50]: I hate both of you

 

He comes back to the room after that and Jihoon is standing in the middle of it staring at the mess he made of his futon. Soonyoung sighs.

“Do you need help?” Jihoon looks back embarrassingly and nods and within a minute Soonyoung helps him arrange his bed properly. Jihoon mumbles a thank you but nothing beyond that, so Soonyoung falls onto his own bed once again. It’s only after a minute does he realize Jihoon hasn’t really moved. “You good?” He asks him and Jihoon’s gaze snaps up to him.

There’s a hint of something in his black eyes, it’s a mix of anger and accusation and confusion and Soonyoung doesn’t look away. After a moment Jihoon groans and leaves the room without another word and Soonyoung releases a long breath.

He watches some videos on YouTube for a while until about twenty minutes have passed and Jihoon still hadn’t come back. He wants to respect his privacy but part of him is a little concerned.. Jihoon didn’t take any toiletries with him, or even his phone that has remained on Soonyoung’s bedside table, so he decides to go into the hallway to check if everything’s okay.

The bathroom light is off, so Jihoon isn’t there and when Soonyoung goes downstairs he realizes Jihoon’s slippers aren’t in the entryway either. He puts his own flip flops on and goes outside knowing immediately to check the backyard and the hammock and isn’t surprised when he sees Jihoon sitting on it, back to the house.

He walks up to him slowly, Jihoon turning only slightly when he hears Soonyoung come near but in the end remaining facing forward.

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung says softly when he comes near. “The mosquitos are going to bite the hell out of you.” Jihoon’s hand is squeezing the rope of the hammock tight enough that his knuckles are white in the moonlight.

“Do you like me?” He asks out of nowhere and Soonyoung stills. When Soonyoung doesn’t reply right away, Jihoon’s black eyes snap to his. There’s so much anger in them that Soonyoung has to look away. He doesn’t understand the reason behind it.

“I don’t know if I do,” he admits, voice quiet but equally roaring in the silent night.

Jihoon’s chuckle is disbelieving. “You don’t know?”

Soonyoung’s lower lip juts out for a second. “When you told me you hooked up with Seungcheol, out of _all_ people, while all three of us were working on that song together I just felt so-,” he takes a breath and is shocked how it’s slightly shaky. “Betrayed,” he finishes.

“You have no right to be,” Jihoon’s tone is ice cold.

“I _know_ that. I just…” Soonyoung looks up from the ground. “We work well together, Jihoon. We have chemistry, we’ve been best friends for years and you hook up with one of our closest friends on a joined project behind my back? Putting aside that we were working together, is it wrong of me to wonder what’s wrong with _me_? Why I’m not a good enough of an option for you?” The confession feels so loud in the quiet darkness that Soonyoung has to run both hands through his hair and take a breath to calm down. “I don’t really know how to talk about this,” he mutters.

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon gets off the hammock. “You’re my best friend, you know that right?” Soonyoung licks his lips and nods. “Not ‘one’ of my best friends but my _only_ best friend. I don’t want to lose that.”

“You can’t and you won’t,” Soonyoung tells him and he means it. He means it more than anything.

“If you like me,” Jihoon continues, eyes on Soonyoung but at the same time far away. “It will change things, and if we date and break up then we will lose this,” Soonyoung can hear the subtle panic in Jihoon’s tone and reaches out to take him by his shoulders.

“Why are you talking about breaking up, idiot,” Soonyoung smile is shaky but his heart isn’t in it.

“I don’t date, Soonyoung.”

“You’ve never tried."

“Have you?”

“Sort of?” Soonyoung smile grows warmer and a little truer but the panic in Jihoon’s eyes doesn’t lessen. He moves the hands on his shoulders up to cup Jihoon’s face. “Jihoon,” he tells him but Jihoon’s eyes don’t focus on him. “Jihoonie, look at me,” Soonyoung says in his regular teasing voice that makes Jihoon’s gaze snap to his. “Don’t think too hard.”

“I’m not _you_ Soonyoung,” Jihoon points out. “One of us has to be the thinking one.”

“I think plenty,” Soonyoung defends and Jihoon closes his eyes letting out a frustrated sigh. They’re standing so close that Soonyoung can’t help but lower his gaze on the other’s lips and allow himself to wonder what it would feel like if he just pressed their mouths together. Would it be soft, full of passion, short, would Jihoon take out a hidden knife and stab him in anger? Or would he kiss him back? When Jihoon’s eyes open back up, Soonyoung snaps his gaze to his, smiling innocently.

Jihoon groans. “This is what I mean,” he pushes Soonyoung’s hands away from his face and they fall uselessly but his side.

“So I want to kiss you a little?” Soonyoung says nonchalantly. “That’s my problem, it doesn’t change anything.”

Jihoon’s glare is incredulous once more. “Doesn’t change anything? It changes _everything_.”

“It doesn’t have to,” Soonyoung pushes but his argument is weak.

“I never even wanted to think about this!” Jihoon groans.

“Think about what?”

“Liking you! Dating you! Kissing you!”

“You’ve never before?” Soonyoung pouts and Jihoon blinks at him and looks away, ears darkening.

“I honestly hate you right now,” he grumbles out.

“Really?” Soonyoung grins. “Even though I’m your _only_ best friend who you don’t want to lose.”

“Now I hate you even more.”

“If you hate me so much why don’t we date? Since there’s nothing to lose.” Jihoon shoves him and Soonyoung laugh fills the night, genuine and bright. When he opens his eyes back wide enough to look at Jihoon the other boy is staring at him with a look that’s completely different from the panicked one he saw before. “Jihoo-?”

He doesn’t finish even finish his name when Jihoon grabs him by his collar of his pajama shirt pulling him down and it takes Soonyoung a second too long to realize their lips are smashed together and Jihoon, _his_ Jihoon, is kissing him. The boy pulls away just as quick and his entire face is pink in the moonlight. It’s the most beautiful expression Soonyoung has ever seen.

“Just this once,” Jihoon tells him, out of breath despite the kiss lasting only a few seconds, “I’ll let you get it out of your system.”

Soonyoung’s smile stretches as he cups Jihoon’s cheek, heart pounding aggressively against his ribcage. He can’t believe it’s happening. He can’t believe how much he has _wanted_ for this to happen. How long has he felt that way?

“Just _my_ system?” He breathes out with a chuckle and Jihoon groans before kissing him first once more.

They stay there kissing in Soonyoung’s childhood yard where he lost his first tooth and choreographed his first dance and attached the hammock his grandma had sown for his birthday on the trees behind them. In the warm night, Jihoon’s mouth is even warmer, and his arms snake up to pull Soonyoung closer by the neck and Soonyoung allows himself to think, just for a short moment, that maybe he fell in love in his childhood yard too.

They stop when their mouths are sore and lean their foreheads against each other, hot breaths mingling together

“This is a bad idea,” Jihoon mutters, his arms untangling themselves from Soonyoung’s neck.

“I think this is great,” Soonyoung disagrees, delirious with happiness. He didn’t know kissing Jihoon could make him feel this way, if he’d known he would’ve done it much sooner.

“God, this is a mistake,” Jihoon repeats as if reading Soonyoung’s thoughts and Soonyoung leans in to give him a peck.

“No,” he disagrees between kisses, “It’s not.” He pulls back to look at Jihoon. “This is a cleanse right? Aren’t those considered healthy? No harm done.” Jihoon scoffs but his hands come up to Soonyoung’s wrists so Soonyoung takes it as a good sign.

“Are you done with your cleanse then?” Jihoon asks.

“Are _you_?” Soonyoung retorts and Jihoon looks away.

“Let’s go back inside,” he says pushing Soonyoung’s hands down and off his face. “You made me scared of the mosquitos.” Before Soonyoung can complain, Jihoon starts making his way back inside and Soonyoung follows quickly behind. They leave their shoes in the entryway and quietly make their way upstairs and before entering Soonyoung’s room, Jihoon mentions something about his teeth and disappears into the bathroom.

Back in his room, Soonyoung sits on his bed and wonders briefly if he should text Wonwoo but somehow can’t register if any of this is really real and happening. His lips feel a little swollen and he raises his hand to feel them like the lovesick puppy he is. _How embarrassing,_ he thinks chuckling to himself. That’s when Jihoon walks in and Soonyoung drops his hand, smiling awkwardly. He didn’t turn on the light when he walked in earlier so when Jihoon closes the door behind them, the room is dark, save from the moonlight coming in through the window.

Feeling a little brave and a little elated, Soonyoung asks, “So are we done with the cleanse?” Jihoon groans and in a few steps he is grabbing Soonyoung’s cheeks and kissing him with a heat he didn’t present outside. His kisses, this time, are minty and fresh and deep and Soonyoung gasps between them grabbing Jihoon’s waist to pull him closer.

“We’re just kissing,” Jihoon warns when Soonyoung’s hands sneak onto his ass.

Soonyoung chuckles. “If we continue like this, we’re going to need a different type of cleanse.” Jihoon groans but doesn’t stop. He’s standing in between Soonyoung’s legs, hands grasping his shoulders and Soonyoung’s grip tight on the band of his sweats. When they separate again for some air, Soonyoung doesn’t give Jihoon enough time to return to his lips, and instead dives in for his neck

He worries briefly that Jihoon will push him away but the boy simply breathes out, “No bites,” and if that’s the only rule Jihoon has for him, Soonyoung is glad. His hands can’t stay put at this point and they sneak up Jihoon’s shirt exploring the soft skin of his torso and Jihoon’s grip moves to his hair pulling him back to capture his lips.

“Fuck,” Soonyoung gasps. Jihoon is a damn good kisser. “Did you learn all this from Seungcheol?”

“If you say his name I’ll stop,” Jihoon grumbles making Soonyoung smile so wide that Jihoon has to kiss around his mouth, focusing instead on his cheeks, eyes, nose, forehead and Soonyoung closes his eyes tightly euphoric from all the attention. He starts giggling when it tickles and Jihoon smiles with him hands snaking down to tickle him there for real and they fall back on Soonyoung’s bed, laughing together. It’s only when Jihoon suddenly stops that Soonyoung opens his eyes slowly to find Jihoon looking down at him with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” Soonyoung asks, hand going up to brush some of Jihoon's dark fringe away and the boy doesn’t reply but leans down to kiss Soonyoung slowly. Among all the kisses that night this one feels deeper and Soonyoung isn’t surprised by what Jihoon says next.

“I think this is enough.”

“Okay,” Soonyoung whispers. “But just one more please, I wasn’t ready.” Jihoon’s hand comes up to cup his cheek and he leans down to kiss him slow and deep and final and when he pulls away Soonyoung doesn’t push despite wanting more. He doesn’t think he’ll ever stop wanting more.

Jihoon rolls away and falls on his back by Soonyoung’s side and sighs. “We’re idiots,” he says and Soonyoung laughs and doesn’t disagree. He flips onto his side looking at Jihoon’s profile, his small nose and flat mouth and closed eyes.

“Stay here tonight,” Soonyoung asks him.

“We sleep in the same room,” Jihoon replies and Soonyoung presses his lips together.

“You know what I mean.”

Jihoon opens his eyes and looks at Soonyoung for a second before closing them again. “Fine.” Satisfied, Soonyoung throws an arm over Jihoon’s stomach and snuggles closer to him happy that Jihoon doesn’t push him away.

“Do you think the cleanse worked?” Soonyoung whispers.

“Goodnight, Soonyoung.”

The next morning, the boys wake up with dozens of mosquito bites all over their tangled bodies and Soonyoung finds that doesn’t mind them one bit.


	3. Chapter 3

Soonyoung and Jihoon excuse the mosquito bites as them taking a walk at night and don’t discuss it among themselves. In fact, nothing about the ‘cleanse’ was discussed after that night but it also hadn’t just disappeared and Soonyoung feels it thick in the air all the time. Jihoon clearly does too because every time he catches Soonyoung slipping his gaze down to his lips he makes sure to kick him or shove him or snap him out of it and move on as if nothing had happened at all. They spend the last three days hiking, playing video games and relaxing before it’s Sunday and Soonyoung’s mom is driving the boys to the train station.

“Soonyoung, will you not come for another weekend?” His mom asks in a low voice on their ride there. Jihoon is in the back, an earphone in his ear but Soonyoung is pretty sure he’s listening.

“I don’t know,” he admits. It’s only end of July and he still has a month before school, but taking three weeks off his studio job in the peak of summer was already stretching it. “Maybe for a weekend or something,” he adds just to comfort his mother a little. “Aren’t you coming to Seoul help Chan move?” His brother got into the same program and scholarship that Soonyoung did. Chan says it’s thanks to him but Soonyoung genuinely thinks his brother is far more skilled than he was at the same age.

“Ah, right,” she chuckles. “I guess I just miss having you at home.” Soonyoung reaches out to give his mom’s hand a squeeze and lets go quickly as to not disturb her driving.

“Are you still going to get a hotel?” He asks. He offered them to stay at his but they weren’t adamant about it. His and Wonwoo’s place isn’t big but they can definitely fit his parents for a few nights. “I honestly don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

“No it’s fine,” his mom smiles while Soonyoung frowns. Even for a few nights Seoul is pretty expensive to stay in.

 “Do consider it though, Wonwoo doesn’t mind either.”

“Um,” Jihoon clears his throat from the backseat. “Sorry if I’m intruding but I don’t mind lending you my apartment for a few nights, I can stay at a friend’s and you can have the whole place.”

“Jihoon-ah,” Soonyoung’s mom smiles fondly. “We won’t kick you out of your place, it’s okay.”

“It’s the least I could do, you’ve had me here for an entire week.” Soonyoung turns around to look at Jihoon and the boy glances at him only briefly before returning his attention to his mom. “It’s a studio apartment and it’s close to the campus,” he pauses licking his lips. “It’s pretty close to Soonyoung’s too so you can see plenty of each other.”

“And where will you stay Jihoon?” His mom asks him.

“I’ll find a place.”

“He can even stay with me,” Soonyoung adds and his mom laughs.

“We’ll consider it,” she promises. “Thank you, both of you.”

They get to the train station ten minutes before the train departs and say goodbye to his mom before choosing some snacks for the ride. Soonyoung is grinning as they pick the chips and Jihoon keeps telling him to stop.

“But you were so cute bowing to my mom like that,” he giggles making Jihoon blush.

“I’m really grateful for this week,” he’s flustered and crimson and it’s adorable, “I want her to know that.” Soonyoung smiles at him cutely and pulls him in for a side-hug that Jihoon shoves away from. He could be offended by it, but Soonyoung has known Jihoon long enough to expect that kind of reaction. It’s his bright ears and chin dip that he takes more to heart.

When they’ve paid for the chips and board the train, they play rock paper scissors to see who’ll sit by the window and Soonyoung wins.

“You sure it’s okay?” He asks as soon as he’s settled on his seat and Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“You won the game didn’t you?” Soonyoung chews on his lips and Jihoon sighs. “It’s fine, I don’t mind.” He takes out his phone and opens some mobile game and Soonyoung watches him play until the train departs and he has to look away so he won’t get sick.

The train ride back to Seoul is about three hours and Soonyoung is used to these enough that he falls asleep almost instantly, head pressed against the window. He wakes up at one point needing to go to the bathroom and finds Jihoon has fallen asleep as well, chin practically pressed against his chest. It doesn’t look comfortable whatsoever and Soonyoung has had enough train rides to foresee the kind of neck cramp the boy will get.

“Jihoon-ah,” he whispers shaking the boy gently awake. Jihoon blinks confused while Soonyoung lifts the arm rest between them and pats his lap. When Jihoon’s eyes widen, he quickly explains. “You’ll get a neck cramp, trust me this is better.” Jihoon frowns but doesn’t object when Soonyoung pushes him down gently to lay his head on his lap. One of Jihoon’s hands comes up to cup his knee and after a few moments he’s fallen back asleep. It’s only then that Soonyoung remembers he hadn’t gone to the bathroom.

Great.

He takes his phone out of his pocket and sees there’s only about an hour left, which thankfully isn’t so bad. Leaning back on the window, he tentatively places one of his hands on Jihoon’s head, while the other is cushioned beneath his own face. With his fingers carding gently in Jihoon’s hair, he tries his best to sleep for the last hour of the ride.

 

♫

 

They’re woken up by the jolt of the train stopping and Soonyoung looks down at Jihoon who is pushing himself up against his knee and stretching. If he felt Soonyoung caressing his hair for thirty minutes, he doesn’t say anything about it, and Soonyoung is quite glad since he doesn't want to get scolded for it. They shuffle their way out of the train and walk sleepily towards the subway. It’s about seven in the evening and the last time they ate was at his parents’ house, the snacks they bought at the train station were left untouched.

“Wanna get dinner?” Soonyoung asks when they’re standing in the subway cart, facing each other, Soonyoung's hand above Jihoon's on the pole between them.

“I think I want to drop off my things,” Jihoon says not meeting his eyes. “Don’t you and Wonwoo want to do something?” Soonyoung wants to pretend he hears jealousy there, but the truth is Jihoon is asking genuinely. Despite Jihoon not being as close to anyone as he is to Soonyoung, he has never been jealous of any of his other friendships. Soonyoung finds that he wouldn’t mind if he was a little, but maybe that’s his possessiveness again, or at least that’s what Jihoon would say.

“Probably,” Soonyoung admits, the train shaking him slightly so he grabs the pole tighter. It’s Sunday and the subway cart is mostly empty so Soonyoung doesn’t have an excuse to stand so close to Jihoon, but Jihoon doesn’t back away either, staring up at him instead. “You can come by after, if you’d like.” He’s staring right into Jihoon’s black eyes, fighting to keep his gaze as long as he can.

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon’s voice sounds a little forewarning and Soonyoung braces himself. “I think it’s good if we don’t spend too much time together.” Soonyoung can’t help but narrow his eyes at that, something dark beginning to brew within his chest. “Okay, okay,” Jihoon admits looking away briefly. “That sounded a bit dramatic… I just mean since we spent this entire week together, I think we could have a night away from each other.”

Soonyoung’s expression doesn’t change and he continues watching Jihoon with a gaze he knows is intense and sharp. Enough that Jihoon is having a hard time meeting his eyes. “Do you _want_ to have a night away from me?”

“You need to stop retorting everything I say back to me,” Jihoon mutters.

“That’s not really an answer.”

Jihoon licks his lips, meeting his eyes full on finally. “This isn’t about what I want, but what’s best for us.”

“You think what’s best for us is us staying away from each other?”

“Just for tonight.”

Soonyoung chuckle is bitter on his tongue. “Do you ever think what’s best for us is us being _together_?” Jihoon’s reply is an angry stare and Soonyoung sighs, pushing himself away from Jihoon. The last seven stops they spend in silence.

They live on the same station so they get off together and walk up to the exit where they are forced to split.

“Thank you, Soonyoung,” is the first thing Jihoon says after they don’t speak for thirty minutes. “I mean it, I really needed that visit and I am beyond thankful for you and your family.”

“Anytime, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung replies with a soft smile. Outside the sun is setting and the streets of Seoul are pink and it makes Jihoon’s smooth skin even prettier than usual. He wants to reach out and cup his face and kiss him goodbye but they’re in the middle of the city now that offers dozens of new reasons why he can’t do that. “When do you want to start recording?” He asks, hoping the distraction will take the images away from his mind.

“As soon as possible,” Jihoon admits. “But you probably want to settle into your job again.”

“It’s the summer camp, I’ll be done by six latest as usual,” he says and Jihoon nods. It’s the same schedule he had before he left, they’re both familiar with it.

“I’ll text you then,” he assures and this time Soonyoung’s the one nodding. They separate then, Jihoon with his large duffle bag banging against his legs and headphones already wrapped around his head. Soonyoung watches him until he disappears around the corner before himself making his way home, suitcase rolling behind him.  

When he walks into his apartment, Wonwoo is sitting in his sweats on the couch playing Overwatch on their TV. He pauses immediately and takes off his headset smiling at Soonyoung.

“Hey, buddy,” he grins. “How was home?”

“That’s all the welcome I get?” Soonyoung pouts and Wonwoo frowns.

“Did you want a party?” 

“A hug is enough,” Soonyoung mutters as he takes off his shoes and makes his way towards the couch, leaving the suitcase by the door for now. He falls onto the cushions beside Wonwoo who is watching him with concern.

“You okay?”

“Sure,” Soonyoung says, eyes closed and head leaning on the back of the cushion. “Why?”

“You seem... Upset.” Soonyoung hums. “You want to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Wonwoo is quiet for a moment. “Did something happen with Jihoon?”

Soonyoung lets out a laugh. “What makes you say that?”

“Your behavior.”

Soonyoung sighs pushing himself back up to a proper sitting position. “If I tell you what happened with Jihoon will you tell me what happened with Mingyu?”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “Nothing happened with him,” there’s a tint of annoyance in his tone. “I thought if we’d speak less the homophobic comments would die out but they didn’t and we just… Stopped speaking.” Soonyoung throws him a look, thoroughly unconvinced. “There may have been some things said,” Wonwoo admits. “I pushed him away too hard, I think he was scared to talk to me but I was just so _annoyed_. Not him specifically but at everyone.” He shrugs. “And anyway this wasn’t the point of this conversation, I thought you’d be ecstatic spending a week with Jihoon.”

“We hooked up,” he blurts out and Wonwoo stares at him, eyes wide.

“Are you serious?!”

Soonyoung shoves his fingers in his hair and leans his forehead on the palms of his hands. “We called it a cleanse but I think it was more of a brutal awakening.”

“A cleanse?” Wonwoo laughs, disbelieving. “You guys are idiots.” Soonyoung groans in reply. “How far did you go?”

“Making out, that’s it.”

“Are you going to have a sex cleanse too?” Wonwoo chuckles and Soonyoung raises his head sharply.

“That’s what I said!” Wonwoo just starts laughing harder and Soonyoung falls back on the couch. “He said we should take some time away from each other,” his voice is more quiet now and telling Wonwoo about it makes him realize how hurt he is. He closes his eyes when he feels them burn. “Fuck, I think I really like him.”

“You _think_?” Wonwoo pats his head in his slightly awkward but affectionate way. “I think we’ve all known for a while.” Soonyoung opens his eyes again and stares at the ceiling, the yellow bulb shining on his face.

“He said he won’t date me because he doesn’t want to lose me as his best friend,” Soonyoung continues, voice growing even softer. “But I think…” He licks his lips. “I don’t think we can go back now.” He looks over at Wonwoo who’s looking back with soft eyes. Both him and Jihoon have sharp eyes but where Wonwoo’s are larger and softer, Jihoon’s somehow always pierce him harder. “I don’t think I want to,” he admits finally.

“Did you tell him that?” Wonwoo asks.

“I tried, but he thought the cleanse was a better idea. We haven’t discussed it since.”

“You should.”

Soonyoung sighs and hates that his best friend is right. Then he grabs his stomach and whines. “I’m hungry! I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Pizza?” Wonwoo suggests with a smile as he squeezes Soonyoung’s shoulder supportively.  

“Please!”

 

♫

 

True to his words Jihoon texts Soonyoung the next day asking when he wants to come by his studio. Soonyoung only sees the text at six once all the kids have left dance camp and him and Junhui are laying on the couch in the backroom, exhausted.

“I bet you didn’t miss this at all,” Junhui smirks, one arm covering his eyes.

“I missed the kids,” Soonyoung admits. “I didn’t miss their energy.”

Jun chuckles. “Usually you match with them pretty well, did the trip exhaust you? Or a certain someone I should say?” He adds, lowering his arm and eyeing Soonyoung who doesn’t meet his eyes.

“Anyway, we should clean,” he responds instead, getting up. “I have to go somewhere after this.”

“Of course you do,” Jun continues with his smirk and Soonyoung gives him a punch in his stomach that makes Jun bend forward in pain.

“That wasn’t very nice,” he pouts cutely and Soonyoung rolls his eyes.

“Stop bothering me about Jihoon, then."

“I didn’t even mention him!” Soonyoung gives him a pointed glare and Jun smiles innocently.

“Let’s just clean this place up," Soonyoung sighs and helps Jun up from the couch. "I want to get out of here."

They finish cleaning in twenty minutes and when their supervisor approves they go their own ways.

“You going to be ditching me like this every night?” Jun asks before they separate.

“Jihoon and I are recording a song, so it depends,” Soonyoung admits making Jun pout once again.

“Let’s grab dinner the three of us this week? Invite Wonwoo too if you’d like,” he suggests putting a hand on Soonyoung’s shoulder. “We’re not strangers Soonyoung, I want to hang out with you as well.” Soonyoung can’t help but smile at that and assures Jun they’ll hang out soon.

Jun and Soonyoung were the only two students of their year to be chosen for the dance scholarship. Minghao and some others were chosen the year after and Chan this coming school year. The scholarship means free university as long as they work at the university dance studio and preform in the showcases. To students whose passion is dancing, the conditions are not at all horrible, especially when they get paid for extra hours and summer months.

Jihoon is in a similar situation except he got a scholarship for the music department. Bumzu is the head producer and his wife takes care of the dancers. That’s how the boys met, too, Bumzu’s wife proposed Jihoon would compose Soonyoung’s dance piece and the friendship developed from there.

When Soonyoung gets to JIhoon’s studio it’s half past seven and he realizes he’s starving.

“Have you eaten?” He asks as soon as he comes in and Jihoon spins around in his chair and takes off his headphones.

“Hello to you too,” he says and Soonyoung walks in sitting down on the small couch squeezed by the synthesizer.

“Hello hello. So you hungry?” Jihoon apparently hasn’t eaten since he woke up around noon (typical) so they order some take away and start working on the song so that it’s perfected by the time they have the recording studio reservation later that week.

They finish for the day at almost midnight and Soonyoung is falling asleep over the armrest of the couch not having realized how exhausted the kids made him.

“Can I just sleep here?” He mumbles into his elbow, head on his forearm.

“You’re going to hurt your back,” Jihoon tells him nudging him awake. “I’ll walk you home.”

They walk together to Soonyoung’s and Seoul is loud and bright compared to his small town but the walk is familiar, having done it for years. Soonyoung tells him about his kids and Jihoon listen patiently giving sporadic comments and calling him an idiot a few times with that soft voice of his. When they reach Soonyoung’s they say goodbye simply and plan to meet the next day.

There was something awkward in the air despite the entire ritual being familiar, maybe it’s all in Soonyoung’s head but once Soonyoung is home, head on his pillow and mind about to drift to sleep, he realizes that was the first time Jihoon had ever willingly walked him home.

 

♫

 

The next two days are the same. Full days of choreographing elementary school kids and evenings at Jihoon’s studio after which Jihoon walks him back home and says good bye. On Thursday the evening location is switched to a recording studio where Bumzu and Jihoon monitor Soonyoung’s parts. 

When Jihoon is in the recording studio he becomes Woozi and it’s truly one of Soonyoung’s most favorite things to witness. Jihoon is always intense but here he oozes power so intensely that Soonyoung has no choice but to do his best. If he can't match his Hoshi with Jihoon's Woozi, he's afraid he'll be left behind.

Jihoon isn’t rude during recording but he knows what he wants and he will tell it like it is. If Soonyoung’s voice cracks even for a tiny note he’ll have him redo the entire part. If Soonyoung doesn’t hit the intonations properly he won’t stop recording until it’s perfect. Since Soonyoung is singing most of the song it takes three hours for him to finish his part and by the time he’s done his throat is sore and he’s gone through two bottles of water and really _really_ has to pee.

When he’s back from the bathroom he sits next to Bumzu and watches Jihoon recording himself inside. Bumzu helps, but mostly by monitoring. Jihoon’s hearing and recording of music is unique and masterful in its own way.

“Did you two fight?” Bumzu asks after Jihoon is about two thirds done with his parts. Soonyoung lets out a cough out of shock.

“What?” He chokes out. “Of course not, why would you even think so?”

“There was zero bickering,” Bumzu says looking at Soonyoung over his sunglasses. Although Soonyoung isn’t part of the music department he’s at the studio quite often and is pretty close to Bumzu and his wife as well. They're like the uncle and aunt he's never had. “You guys were overly polite with each other, it was strange.” Soonyoung swallows and looks over to Jihoon who is tapping on the lyric paper with the back of his pen, trying to figure out how to go about a note. He can’t hear them unless Bumzu presses the mic button and Soonyoung is eternally grateful for that.

“We’re fine,” Soonyoung says finally. “I think we just really want this project to go well.”

Bumzu hums in understanding. “He’s really excited about this,” he tells Soonyoung and Soonyoung looks at him, brows raised.

“Really?” To Soonyoung, Jihoon seems the same as always about _Highlight_. “How can you tell?”

“His focus for one,” Bumzu replies watching Jihoon. “He didn’t ask for our thoughts at all, he’s entirely immersed in his work. It’s rare to see him like this for so much of his recording.” Soonyoung doesn’t know if he can properly put to words how happy that makes him. _Their_ song making Jihoon behave that way. “Also how quickly he reserved a recording studio. He didn’t even write down the music yet… That’s a pretty bold thing to do.”

“He worked hard on it in the last week.”

Bumzu looks at him through the corner of his eye where the glasses don’t cover. “Both of you did, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung looks down, blushing. “Yes, of course.”

When they’re done recording, Jihoon warns Soonyoung there’s a chance they’ll have to go back to the studio for some touches but overall he’s satisfied with what they have. He only asked for Bumzu’s opinion once and Soonyoung can’t stop thinking about what his hyung said earlier about that. Afterwards, the three of them go out to eat to some twenty-four seven restaurant and order way too much food that Jihoon is, as usual, the last to finish. 

That night Soonyoung is the one to walk Jihoon home and something about them finishing their song feels bittersweet.

“So when’s our next project?” Soonyoung asks lightheartedly and Jihoon looks up him, neck shifting only slightly.

“We didn’t finish with _Highlight_ yet, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Jihoon’s reply is simple and bears the usual Jihoon attitude but somehow it’s exactly what Soonyoung needs to hear when things feel so… final.

 

♫

 

Soonyoung only gets home at two in the morning and spends the next day feeling like hell. He’s tired. Sleep deprived. The kids are loud and won’t listen and Jun keeps making suggestive faces at Soonyoung as if his night was something exciting.

“We were just recording,” Soonyoung whines sipping on an iced Americano one of the workers at the studio bought for him when she saw he couldn’t keep his eyes open.

“If that’s what the kids call it these days,” Jun winks. “ _Recording_.” Soonyoung just stares at him. “Fine, sorry,” Jun giggles and clears his throat. “Did you finish your song?”

“Almost,” Soonyoung takes another sip feeling the caffeine running through his veins… or at least hoping he can.

“Nice,” Jun grins. “Can’t wait to hear it. Who do you think is going to pick it up? Exo? Bangtan? Twice?!” He finishes excitedly and Hoshi blushes.

“I don’t know…” Somehow he forgot about that part, especially from how diligently they were recording last night. The Woozi part of the business was never something Soonyoung was overly familiar with and now he finds himself feeling slightly bitter about giving away their song. _Think of the royalties_ , his waning bank account reminds him. 

Jun chews on his lip feeling the tension in the air and switches topics. “So are the four of us still on for tonight?” Immediately Soonyoung texts Jihoon to remind him and Jun laughs when he realizes what he’s doing. “Don’t give him a chance to find a reason not to go, we’ve planned to go out tonight since the day you got back. No excuses!” Soonyoung nods again and sends the texts.

 

Soonyoung [14:32]: WE’RE GOING OUT TONIGHT

Soonyoung [14:32]: DON’T FORGET

 

He sends the same message to Wonwoo who replies shortly with a thumbs up emoji while Jihoon only texts back in a couple of hours once the kids are leaving, Fridays ending a few hours earlier than usual.

 

Jihoon [16:14]: ugh

Soonyoung [16:20]: NO EXCUSES

Jihoon [16:20]: ughhhhhhhhhhh

Soonyoung [16:21]: >>>>>>>>>>>>>:(

Jihoon [16:21]: fine…. what time?

Soonyoung [16:21]: prob around 8 we can grab some dinner before if u want???

Jihoon [16:21]: sounds good.

 

Soonyoung is grinning at the phone when Jun finds him and raises a brow. “I’m assuming Jihoon said he’s coming,” his lip is twitching into a subtle smirk and Soonyoung ignores it.

“Yep! Wonwoo is also coming,” he adds to mellow down the Jihoon effect. “I suggested we get some dinner too, anywhere specific you wanna go?” Jun keeps looking at him with that annoying brow rise and smirk and Soonyoung faces away pretending to get occupied with retying his shoelaces. By the time he straightens up and remind Jun of the questions his phone is pinging.

 

[YOU HAVE BEEN ADDED TO GROUP CHAT ‘FRIDAY NIGHT’]

Jun [16:29]: we shldve done this years ago

 

Soonyoung looks over at him with a frown. “You know we don’t need to make a group chat for every occasion,” Jun shrugs with a grin and starts texting something else. Soonyoung’s sure that if he scrolls down his Kakaotalk he has at least ten group chats with just the four of them from the last three years.

 

Wonwoo [16:30]: seriously another one?

 

Soonyoung shows Jun his screen pointedly as if Jun can’t see the message himself and the other boy ignores him.

 

Jun [16:30]: not important rn

Jun [16:30]: we going out tonight

Jun [16:30]: what are u guys feelin like

Wonwoo [16:31]: I don't mind anything

Jun [16:31]: ofc you don't

Jun [16:31]: wbu jihoonieeee

Jun [16:31]: soonyoung will wanna do anything u do anyway lol

Wonwoo [16:32]: lmao true

 

Soonyoung kicks Jun and the boy laughs twisting away and falls on the floor clutching his phone to his chest as if that was the funniest thing he’s ever done.

“Your face is blazing!” Jun is loud and pointing and Soonyoung looks around glad they’re the only ones left in the studio. 

“Shut up!” He takes out his phone to quickly write something back.

 

Soonyoung [16:33]: well its easier to get him out of the house if hes doing smth he wants to xP

 

Jun laughs out loud at that and Soonyoung kicks him again.

 

Wonwoo [16:33]: yeah suure

Jihoon [16:34]: great thanks another group chat to mute

Jun [16:34]: don't be like that!!!

Jun [16:34]: what does ur cute little self wanna do tonight

Jihoon [16:34]: I don't think im going anymore

Jun [16:34]: JIHOOONIEEEE

Wonwoo [16:35]: come on buddy

Wonwoo [16:35]: live a little

Jun [16:35]: soonyoung is starting to sweat from stress please choose smth QUICK

 

“Jun, I swear to god!” He yells kicking his friend for umpteenth time.

 

Jihoon [16:36]: I don’t go out that much why do I have to choose?

Jihoon [16:36]: let’s just go get some drinks

Jihoon [16:36]: no dancing please

Jun [16:37]: hmmm we’ll decide about that after we drink some ;)

Wonwoo [16:37]: no thanks

 

Soonyoung is following all of it without writing when he gets a text from Jihoon and realizes it’s not in the group chat.

 

Jihoon [16:37]: where do you want to get dinner?

 

Soonyoung swallows and quickly glances up at Jun even though the other can’t possibly see the text. He kind of wants to just go get dinner with Jihoon without the other two, but Jun would never let him live with that so he takes a breath and sends a response.

 

Soonyoung [16:38]: ahhh I meant the four of us

Soonyoung [16:38]: but we can be the ones to choose smth anyway ;D

Jihoon [16:39]: oh right sorry

Jihoon [16:39]: i want bbq meat

Soonyoung [16:39]: deal :D

 

They finally decide to meet at a local BBQ restaurant around eight and Soonyoung makes his way home after closing the studio to grab a shower, splitting from Jun for the meanwhile. Wonwoo isn’t home yet and Soonyoung takes a tad bit longer in the shower for multiple reasons and dries his hair with a towel so that they dry slightly curlier than usual. 

He dresses in ripped black jeans and a large white flannel shirt he tucks in casually at the front. He has a cute tiger necklace dangling between his collarbones and there’s an extra ring shaped earring in his ear. He almost wants to put on a little make up, something he’s become quite partial too from all his years performing, and after glancing at himself in the mirror decides to go ahead and sharpen the corners of his eyes with black eyeshadow.

“Damn,” Wonwoo whistles when Soonyoung joins him in the kitchen. He must’ve just come back from work since he’s still in his suit, hair ruffled and glasses high on the bridge of his nose. He has black coffee in front of him and some leftover kimchi in a plastic tub and Soonyoung tries not to cringe at the combo.

“What time is it?” Soonyoung asks getting himself a glass of water.

“Seven thirty,” Wonwoo replies simply and takes a sip of his coffee. “Don’t stress out we won’t ditch your dear Jihoonie,” he smirks. “I’ll just change into something else.”

“I’m not stressed,” Soonyoung mumbles into his cup. “Go get dressed.” Wonwoo snickers but gets up and heads to his room anyway. Alone, Soonyoung checks himself out in the long mirror they have in the hallway by the entrance. Did he overdo it? He looks good, if he can say so himself, and part of him wants to believe he didn’t dress up like that for Jihoon but simply for the night out. He sighs. Who is he kidding, he can’t even convince himself anymore. 

Wonwoo comes out dressed in gray jeans and a white tee that’s cut low enough to show his collarbones. When he sees Soonyoung looking at them he shrugs. “I was feeling it,” he says simply and Soonyoung laughs.

They leave slightly past eight since the restaurant is nearby anyway, arriving after Jihoon and Jun who are already sitting in one of the booths in the corner. The boys seemed to have ordered some meat and have begun to heat up the grill and only then Soonyoung realizes how hungry he is.

“Fuck,” he groans sitting down next to Jihoon on autopilot, eyes on the plates. “How long till it's ready?” He doesn’t notice Jun’s brow rise at his outfit or how Jihoon is purposefully not looking straight at him, or maybe he’s just choosing to ignore all of it, and instead cracks open his chopsticks ready for food.

“What kind of going out are we doing tonight?” Jun grins excitedly and Wonwoo nudges him.

“Aren’t you dating that girl?”

“Sure” he says picking up a slice of meat laying it on the grill, the sizzle filling the air. Soonyoung’s mouth salivates so fast he has to close his mouth. “She might come by later by the way with some friends,” he slips the meat. “Not that they’d interest you two,” he adds with a mumble and Soonyoung kicks him under the table. 

“Ow!” Wonwoo bends to grab his shin and Soonyoung’s eyes widen.

“That was for Jun, apologies,” he laughs it off awkwardly. Quickly he glances sideways at Jihoon, glad the other boy seems preoccupied with grilling some more meat pieces. Jun seems to notice how Jihoon is aggressively ignoring the conversation so he clears his throat.

“Anyway, Kyulkung is great but I don’t think we’ll work out,” he turns over the meat again and seeing that its done shoves it in his mouth.

“How come?” Soonyoung asks poking around with his own pieces on the grill.

 “I’m just not feeling it,” he shrugs and Jihoon lets out a laugh.

“You say that about every girl you date.” Jun shrugs again clearly having more to say but chooses staying quiet. Part of Soonyoung wants to tease him just as Jun had done to him on so many occasions, but he changes his mind switching topics to more trivial things as they feast on their food.

After they’re done they head over to the bar down the street. Since Wonwoo and Soonyoung live close to campus, the bar is a university hub, which means three things: cheap, noisy and a hotspot for getting wasted. They start with a couple of beers after which Jihoon starts turning red with tipsiness and has to stop while the other three move on to their thirds. Wonwoo and Hoshi always had low alcohol tolerance so by the time Jun’s girlfriend comes with her friends they’re embarrassingly giggly drunk and the only thing anchoring Soonyoung to the present is Jihoon’s hot shoulder against his.

Soonyoung is a flirt. He’s cute and bright and touchy and for better or for worse isn’t afraid to flirt a little with the new girls at the table, while Wonwoo remains the more mysterious and brooding drunk. Jihoon is quiet, but he leans his cheek on the palm of his hand and watches the table, particularly Soonyoung with a smug gaze. He doesn’t seem angry or jealous. He's simply observing and those dark eyes pull Soonyoung back no matter how many times Soonyoung tries to chat up the pretty girls. 

Some more of their friends join the table and Soonyoung is on his fifth or sixth beer when his shoulder feels a breeze and he turns over to see that Jihoon has been replaced by a pretty girl with bleached hair and sparkly eyeshadow. He blinks, brows furrowing.

“You’re not Jihoon,” he says dumbly and the girl grins prettily.

“Nope,” she replies leaning closer. “I’m Rena.” Soonyoung keeps looking at her, his frown deepening.

“Where’s Jihoon then?” Her smile turns into a pout.

“He left a few minutes ago,” she tells him glancing towards the exit. “Is he your boyfriend?” She asks then, dark brows rising. “I don’t judge,” and then leaning forward, whispers hotly in his ear, “I may have had a few girlfriends myself.” Soonyoung blushes at that and gets up from the table.

“He’s a boy and a friend, sure,” he grins and sways, the five beers racing through his bloodstream. “See you around Rena,” he bows and sways again when he straightens out. Rena simply shrugs and turns away to talk to someone else at the table.

Soonyoung looks around the table trying to find Wonwoo and finds him with two girls on each side looking adorable but horribly uncomfortable. For just a second, he glances towards the door wanting more than anything to catch Jihoon before he disappears for the night but decides to go up to Wonwoo first.

He pulls him back by the collar. “Yo, I don’t know where Jihoon went I want to find him, you good here or you want to come? 

“Ah,” Wonwoo's eyes are a little glassy as he pushes himself completely away from the table. “Take me,” he stutters out and Soonyoung wishes the girls a good night before leading them through the crowded bar towards the exit.

“Where’s Jun, by the way?” He asks once they’re close to the exit and its less loud and stuffy.

“He disappeared somewhere with his girlfriend about thirty minutes ago,” Wonwoo is doing that thing when he’s drunk and starts talking without making any eye contact as if he’s in some trance. He must have had quite a bit to drink, Soonyoung thinks, he’s probably super tired too.

Once they’re outside the fresh hair hits them both so strongly it makes them sigh with relief. “Three weeks at an office job and partying is suddenly so exhausting,” Wonwoo mutters.

“We still have senior year,” Soonyoung chuckles.

 “Well fuck,” Wonwoo sighs leaning on the side of the building. “Why do I feel like a cigarette?”

“You shouldn’t,” Soonyoung says sternly looking around the street. “You don’t even smoke.” Wonwoo hums in agreement as Soonyoung takes out his phone to text Jihoon.

 

Soonyoung [01:12]: where are you???

 

Wonwoo has his head is hung down and Soonyoung pockets his phone away to put a hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder, shaking him a little. “Dude, you good?” Wonwoo hums again and Soonyoung leans down to see Wonwoo’s eyes are closed and he looks like he’s asleep standing. Soonyoung needs to get him home.

“Hey,” he hears behind him and turns to see Jihoon, a bottle of water in his hand. “It got really stuffy in there I went to buy some water, sorry,” his cheeks are red and Soonyoung isn’t drunk enough to think maybe it’s because of him. Jihoon always turned endearingly red after some alcohol.

“Can I give Wonwoo some of that?” He points at the bottle and Jihoon hands it over to him immediately. They help Wonwoo tilt his head back and drink the water and after a few sips he seems to become slightly more responsive. “Can you help me take him home please?” Jihoon frowns at that and Soonyoung rolls his eyes. “Jihoon, come on, I’m asking as your friend.”

“What else would you be asking me as?” Jihoon says and Soonyoung is too tipsy and tired to argue. He pulls Wonwoo’s arm over his shoulder and starts walking towards his apartment without responding. He’s not surprised when Jihoon appears on the other side of Wonwoo, supporting their friend with a hand at his back.

Wonwoo keeps mumbling that he can walk on his own but Soonyoung tells him he just wants to shut up that they only want to help him, and Wonwoo gives up complaining, head lolling slightly downwards. When they get home, Wonwoo drops onto the couch, Soonyoung on the armchair in front of him, and Jihoon refills the water bottle making Wonwoo finish two full ones in a row. Wonwoo isn’t a loud drunk but he’s eerily quiet tonight and Soonyoung can’t help but watch him with concern. 

“I’m fine,” Wonwoo says when he notices him staring. “Just thinking about things.”

“Thinking is good,” Soonyoung says which makes Jihoon chuckle from where he’s sitting on the side of his armchair. 'Things' Wonwoo says, but Soonyoung can't help but think maybe those 'things' aren’t at all a 'things' but a boy some hundreds of miles away. He doesn't say anything about it though. “Let’s get you to bed?” Wonwoo nods and Soonyoung helps him walk over to his room and lays him down. “I put a bucket here and some water, okay? Call me if you need anything.” Wonwoo’s head is already buried in his pillow but he hums in confirmation. “If you miss him,” Soonyoung adds carefully. “Text him.”

“Goodnight Soonyoung,” Wonwoo responds, voice only slightly muffled by his pillow. Soonyoung thinks that if not even drunk Wonwoo is ready to discuss his issues with Mingyu, maybe they’re in a bigger trouble than he already thought. 

Soonyoung leaves Wonwoo’s room, closing the door lightly behind him. Jihoon is still sitting on the armrest, unmoving, and Soonyoung approaches him laying a gentle hand on the back of his neck. Jihoon tenses but doesn’t move away.

“I’ll walk you home?” Soonyoung asks, voice quiet and Jihoon shifts his neck to look up at him. He’s less red now and Soonyoung realizes he himself had sobered up considerably taking care of Wonwoo.

“So this isn’t a trap?” Jihoon asks and Soonyoung frowns.

“You don’t need to be rude, I needed some help with my friend." 

“Our friend.”

“Of course.”

They’re quiet again and finally Jihoon gets up, Soonyoung’s hand falling to his side. “Let’s go then,” he walks to Soonyoung’s door and leaves without once turning around and Soonyoung thinks he’s getting tired of watching Jihoon’s back as he walks away.

Their walk is silent despite the noises of the city. Soonyoung’s hands hang by his sides but they itch so strongly to take Jihoon’s cold palms into his that he has to shove his fingers forcefully into his pockets. It’s only when they reach about the halfway point, a little past the train station they parted ways from almost a week ago that Jihoon stops and turns around with a vicious gaze.

“Why are you even walking me home?” His voice is accusing and Soonyoung sighs, tired.

“I don’t want you to walk by yourself. It’s late.”

“But it’s okay for _you_ to walk alone at night?”

“It’s okay for both of us,” Soonyoung admits, voice calm. “But I don’t want you to.” Jihoon lets out a short laugh at that, finding Soonyoung’s logic ridiculous. It’s not an unfamiliar laugh.

“Well I can manage on my own from here, thanks,” Jihoon turns around and keeps walking and Soonyoung follows close behind.

“Stop being stubborn, Jihoon,” he says once they’re walking at the same pace again, he doesn’t want to but he can’t help to grow slightly frustrated. “Let me walk my best friend home.” Soonyoung is watching him as he says that and doesn’t miss the way Jihoon momentarily cringes when Soonyoung calls him that.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking,” Jihoon says in a low voice.

“You don’t know what I’m thinking,” he replies matter-of-factly and Jihoon stops to face him again and Soonyoung faces back. There’s that anger in his sharp eyes again, as if Soonyoung hurt him in some unforgiving way and Soonyoung can’t stand it.

“I do. You’re easier to read than you think.”

“I know perfectly well how easy I am to read, but it doesn’t feel like you get me at all anyway.”

“Wow,” Jihoon’s chuckle is bitter and Soonyoung hates its sound. “That should be your next lyric.”

Soonyoung sighs and lowers his head, hand rising to push against his forehead. He’s not drunk and he’s not even that tipsy but he did drink quite a bit that night and feels dizzy. This conversation isn’t helping, either. He takes a breath and looks up again. “So tell me what I’m thinking, Jihoon.”

Jihoon watches him, eyes challenging. “You wanted to seduce me with your outfit. Make me jealous by flirting with all those girls in front of me. I thought you took me to yours to hook up but I guess you didn't," he pauses. "Now you’re thinking of kissing me,” Soonyoung stares at him the entire time unmoving. He waits a moment before he bursts out into soft giggles.

“You know actually for once I wasn’t thinking that all,” his head tilts with a teasing smirk playing on his lips. “Maybe that’s what _you_ were thinking.”

“Definitely not.” Soonyoung shrugs, sliding his hands into his pockets again.

“Actually, I wasn't thinking of anything,” Soonyoung admits. “I just wanted to walk you home, so don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried,” Jihoon defends and Soonyoung scoffs.

“You’re nothing but worried.” This time it's Jihoon's turn to scoff. “Oh?” Soonyoung raises a brows. “Am I wrong?” Jihoon glares at him again and doesn’t respond. “Stop glaring at me,” Soonyoung takes a step closer and Jihoon immediately takes one back. Soonyoung does again and so does Jihoon and one more and one more until Jihoon’s back is pressed to the building behind him with Soonyoung only a breath away. “Are you afraid of me?” He whispers.

“You’re crowding me,” Jihoon responds as grabbing Soonyoung’s arms but not pushing away.

“I got dressed like this because I wanted to look hot for our night out, you're the one who made it about _you_. I flirted with those girls because flirting is fun Jihoon, _you're_ the one who kept watching me. I brought you home with me to help with Wonwoo, and it's _you_  who thought I might be putting you in some 'trap',” Soonyoung recites, watching Jihoon intently while the other refuses to meet his eyes. “I wanted to walk you home cause you're my friend and I don't like the idea of you alone at night and you accuse me of thinking about kissing you. What exactly do you want from me?”

Jihoon meets his eyes finally. “Nothing.”

“I think,” Soonyoung raises a hand to pinch Jihoon’s cheek and the boy pulls his face away from his touch. “I think _you’re_ the one who can’t stop thinking about kissing me.” This time Jihoon does push Soonyoung away and the other boy laughs as he attempts to regain balance.

“It’s _your_ fault,” Jihoon’s voice is rising and sure Seoul is an all-day all-night bustling city, but Jihoon’s voice shouldn’t be this loud this late at night and Soonyoung briefly glances around them. 

“You’re the dramatic one,” Soonyoung responds when thankfully he doesn’t find anyone watching them. “We kissed and we like each other, let's just date and move on with our lives.”

“We’re _not_ going to date,” Jihoon seems to be seething and Soonyoung’s annoyance starts spiking up. Shouldn't  _he_ be the angry one?

“Why the hell not?” Soonyoung takes a step closer, voice as sharp as Jihoon’s.

“We’re best-“

“Because we’re best friends?” Soonyoung interrupts and runs his hands through his hair laughing in disbelief. “Jihoon you’re not making any sense to me. What’s so bad about best friends kissing, dating, loving each other? Is it really so fucking bad?”

“I’ve already explained myself to you,” Jihoon has the quiet voice now while Soonyoung’s is raising with each word.

“Because you don't want to lose me?” Soonyoung laughs again and it’s bitter and ugly to his own ears. “Newsflash Jihoon, we all lose people in our lives in one way or another. A neighbor, a parent, a friend, a lover, even a ‘one and only’ best friend,” Jihoon is staring at the ground now hands fisted by his sides. Soonyoung realizes this is probably the first time he’s ever raised his voice at him and the next part he says quieter, but it's also somehow the loudest thing he's said so far. “You feel it too, right? I think we already lost each other in some ways.” Jihoon fists are trembling, eyes far away and Soonyoung sighs. He reaches out to take Jihoon’s face in his hands and pulls him close leaning their foreheads against each other. He's about to say something, _anything_ , but Jihoon speaks first. 

“We fucked up then,” Jihoon's voice shakes as he says it. He pushes Soonyoung away and when their eyes meet, Jihoon’s are cold and distant. “I’ll walk myself home.”

“Jihoon-“

“Don’t contact me,” Jihoon cuts him off and without allowing Soonyoung to say anything else walks away. Once again, Soonyoung is left to watch him leave and his chest heaves with anger.

“I hate your dumb back!” He yells and Jihoon doesn't turn around.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter but i really wanted to give an update :^)

They don’t speak for almost an entire week and Soonyoung falls into his work more than he has in a long time. He spends all day teaching children and stays long hours to dance more and Jun doesn't question it too much when he sees the way Soonyoung seems to have slightly shut down. Even Wonwoo Soonyoung hasn’t seen the entire week, coming home late and each leaving early for work. He still tries to be fun and cute with the kids, but he’s bitter and checks his phone every break in hope of a text.

Soonyoung and Jihoon fight a lot but they never spend more than a day in silence after which someone, usually Soonyoung, texts again. Now, he was forbidden to, so there’s overbearing silence and Soonyoung hates it more than anything. He still talks with Wonwoo over text over some trivial stuff like buying new soap or milk, and he jokes around with Jun and meets up with Seokmin on Wednesday night but the black cloud is always hanging and Soonyoung is itching to just text the boy but is afraid to never hear from him again if he starts crowding.

On Thursday he gets a text that gives him a wakeup call so severe he almost goes to Jihoon’s studio right then and there.

 

Seungcheol [12:32]: buddy!! i keep telling jihoon to invite u out w us but he gets all grumpy did u guys fight??????? 

 

Jihoon and Seungcheol knew each other from before college when Seungcheol lived in Busan for a few years in early high school before moving to Seoul so they were always close and familiar with each other. Still, even if Soonyoung was never jealous before… Now it was different.

 

Soonyoung [13:40]: don’t worry about it hyung

Seungcheol [13:42]: I will worry about it even if you don't want me to

Seungcheol [13:42]: Jihoon looks like hasn't slept in days

 

Soonyoung sighs and Jun looks over at him from where he’s cleaning the lunch tables 

“Still no text?” He asks, sounding actually concerned.

“It’s Seungcheol,” Soonyoung tells him putting his phone back into his pocket and continuing to swipe the small cafeteria floor.

“Ohh! Yeah he’s the only one who was able to drag Ji out of the studio this week,” he says casually and Soonyoung grips the broom not letting anything show on his face. “I’m sure he’ll convince him to text you soon…” Jun adds when Soonyoung doesn’t respond with anything. Soonyoung doesn’t say anything again so they continue to clean in silence, Jun dropping the subject.

The rest of the day passes as usual. The kids practice their choreography for their end of camp show and Soonyoung adds new choreography as they proceed. Jun chose the song for this recital and it’s a Twice song since this group of kids are nine girls and four boys so it aligns almost perfectly. At six all the kids are picked up and the studio floor is mopped and Soonyoung only takes out his phone to check his texts after he’s said bye to Jun and is walking leisurely home.

 

Wonwoo [15:34]: Soonyoung next time you buy milk please check the expiration date and make sure it’s not expiring the day after bought thanks

Jihoon [16:53]: come to the studio when you’re done?

 

Soonyoung stops in the middle of the road blinking down at his phone. He opens the text just to make sure he isn’t dreaming and texts back.

 

Soonyoung [18:36]: is this really jihoon?

Jihoon [18:37]: just come before I change my mind

 

Soonyoung turns around immediately walking the quick ten minutes to the music building, his duffel bag hitting his hip hard enough to potentially leave a bruise. The guard at the lobby recognizes him and nods hello and Soonyoung is relieved since he didn’t bring his student card that day not really expecting to need it so suddenly.

It’s when he’s in the elevator ride that the anxiety of seeing Jihoon hits him full on. He even has to press the open door button because he almost forgets to walk out the elevator while overthinking it. Scenarios fly through his mind both good and bad. Jihoon pretending like nothing ever happened. Jihoon telling him he never wants to speak to him again. Jihoon telling him he lost all the recordings for _Highlight_ and he wants Soonyoung out of the project anyway. Jihoon telling him he and Seungcheol are together now. Jihoon telling Soonyoung he missed him. Jihoon telling Soonyoung he loves him. Jihoon kissing hi- 

“Shut up,” Soonyoung grumbles at himself in the hallway right outside Jihoon’s studio. He takes a breath and tentatively, with all the scenarios running in repeating his head, knocks on the door. 

“Come in!” He hears muffled from the inside and walks in slowly into the familiar room. Jihoon’s studio, following his own home and the dance building are probably the places he spends most of his time at and so despite feeling like it has been forever, the room is familiar and homey and Soonyoung isn’t surprised Jihoon is sitting in total darkness except for the computer screen light filling the room.

He stands in the doorway, not actually going in until Jihoon spins around in his chair and looks at him unimpressed. “Are you just going to stand there?” Soonyoung blinks at him. Maybe the first scenario wasn’t far off after all. He walks in and closes the door behind him but remains standing. “I’m not going to attack you.”

“I don’t know what to think,” Soonyoung blurts out. 

“Think about what?” Soonyoung just stares at him. “We had a fight, we always fight,” Jihoon says simply and turns around in his chair to continue to click around on his computer. Soonyoung still doesn’t move. That wasn’t _just_ a fight, though.

“You told me to never speak with you again,” Soonyoung says.

“You’re being dramatic,” Jihoon says without looking away from his desktop.

Soonyoung’s grip on his duffel bag tightens. Is Jihoon seriously going to pretend like that fight on Friday didn't happen? Like Soonyoung didn’t basically confess to him and told him they aren’t best friends anymore but something… else entirely.  

“I’m going to leave if you don’t take this seriously,” Soonyoung tells him and Jihoon sighs. Finally, he swivels back his chair and stares up at Soonyoung. The studio is small, so even if Soonyoung is by the entrance he’s only about a meter away from Jihoon and the tension is so palpable in the room it’s almost suffocating. The darkness doesn’t help either. 

“What should we talk about then?” Jihoon asks, he leans his elbow on the arm of his chair and places his head on his hand, staring up at Soonyoung with disinterest. It’s offensive and puts Soonyoung at a loss of words. He opens his mouth but doesn’t know what to say. What _should_ they talk about? He feels like he said everything he needed to last week.

“Did you actually want to see me or was it simply because Seungcheol pressured you to?” Soonyoung decides to ask, hand still tight on his bag. Jihoon’s expression softens, although Soonyoung isn’t sure since he can’t see very well in the semi-dark.

“I wanted to talk you, Seungcheol helped,” Jihoon admits.

“Did you tell him what happened between us?”

“Did you tell Wonwoo?” Jihoon shoots back and Soonyoung purses his lips. 

“I didn’t tell him about our fight.”

“But you told him about the trip?” Soonyoung nods, looking away. “I’m not surprised,” Jihoon says running a hand through his hair. “Can you please sit? You’re stressing me out,” when Soonyoung doesn't move he sighs again. “Stop being so stiff, I didn’t tell Seungcheol anything. We don’t really talk about hook ups since our own little fiasco. I’m pretty sure he’s going to marry his girlfriend eventually anyway.” Soonyoung nods again, not really sure what to say. They’re unmoving for a few moments after which Jihoon gets up. He takes a step towards Soonyoung who automatically steps away, back crashing against the door.

They’re both in shock at Soonyoung’s reaction and Jihoon’s head tilts in question. “Are you scared of me?” He asks, a chuckle stuck on the tip of his tongue.

“I told you, I don’t get what you want from me,” Soonyoung admits, Jihoon’s head is still slightly tilted as he watches Soonyoung.

“Put your bag down,” he tells him and Soonyoung drops it so quickly he blushes in embarrassment.

“I thought a lot about what we fought about,” Jihoon says then and Soonyoung’s heart picks up its pace so fast it almost makes him nauseous. “I think you were right." 

“About what?” Soonyoung’s voice is uncharacteristically quiet.

“That we lost each other in some ways,” Soonyoung meets Jihoon’s eyes briefly and looks away when he finds Jihoon watching him head on. “I don’t want to date, Soonyoung,” Jihoon says. “Not you or anyone, I just don’t.”

“Okay,” Soonyoung replies softly. “I won’t talk to you about it again.” The quiet comes back.

“I think we’re going to end up hooking up again,” Jihoon’s voice pierces the awkward silence and Soonyoung lets out a choked up cough.

“It doesn’t need to happen,” Soonyoung’s voice is unstable and awkward and he _feels_ Jihoon’s stare on him.

“You said you don’t know if you like me?” Jihoon reminds him and Soonyoung meets his eyes.

“I guess I did.”

“Is it still true?”

Soonyoung chuckles. “You’re making me a little angry these days, so I suppose it is.”

“I don’t know if I like you either,” he admits and takes a step closer. “But I can’t stop thinking of you that way ever since…” He licks his lips pausing. “It’s driving me crazy.” _God_ , Soonyoung almost slides down the door moaning. He can’t deal with this. 

“It’s driving me crazy, too,” he whispers and before he knows it Jihoon is taking the last step between them and his lips are warm on his and Soonyoung doesn’t even have time to react before Jihoon separates from him.

“I swear I didn’t invite you for this,” Jihoon says hands resting on Soonyoung’s shoulders as Soonyoung stares at him in shock. At least three of his scenarios are blending together and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. “Sorry, should I not have done tha-“ Before Jihoon can finish Soonyoung grabs his face and kisses him, pulling him close and pushing him back onto the couch at the same time. He lands on top of Jihoon kissing him enthusiastically and Jihoon is kissing him back with the same energy, arms tight around his neck.

They kiss for what feels like forever until Soonyoung’s ass starts vibrating and they separate, lips red and swollen and it takes a few more rings for Soonyoung to snap out of it and reach towards his back pocket to take out his phone.

“Hello?” He says, voice raspy and out of breath. He’s still leaning over Jihoon who is pressing his lips together massaging them almost, not that it would help the redness go away. Soonyoung can’t stop staring at them. 

“Are you practicing again?” It’s Wonwoo and Soonyoung blushes.

“Yeah, sorry,” he says making sure his voice sounds more intact. “I’ll be home soon.” Jihoon seems to frown as he says that which makes Soonyoung grin and lower his nose to bump against the other’s.

“Alright, I ordered some extra Chinese so there’s leftovers in the fridge if you want,” Soonyoung smiles warmly at that, head lowering against the armrest right beside Jihoon’s. Wonwoo knows how down Soonyoung’s been, this really means a lot.

“Thanks man, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he gets a pinch on the stomach for that and almost gasps out loud while Wonwoo replies after a chuckle.

“No problem, hope you’re feeling better.”

Soonyoung uses his free hand to pinch Jihoon back and watches him wince dramatically in pain and smiles.

“I am.”

 

 ♫

 

He goes home later that night with a few hickeys under his collar, swelled lips, and a swelled heart and he feels happier than he has in a while.

“Was this another cleanse?” He asked earlier when he put his shirt back on and fell on the couch, Jihoon already back on his desk chair. They didn’t go farther than some intense making out, like last time, but he’s wearing sweatpants and it’s probably a police offense to walk in public with an obvious boner.

“Aren’t you leaving?” Jihoon had asked opening some music program on his computer.

“Like this?” He gestured at his crotch and when Jihoon looked over to see what he meant he immediately looked away and swallowed.

“You want to hear _Highlight_?” He changed the subject and Soonyoung nodded eagerly leaning forward. The song is amazing and Soonyoung knows he’s a great singer but not _that_ great. He told Jihoon as much and the boy laughed. “Your pride is ridiculous.”

“Confidence is sexy!” Soonyoung defended making Jihoon laugh again.

By the time they were done listening to the song Soonyoung’s little friend has calmed down so he had no option but to leave. Plus, he was starting to get hungry and Wonwoo’s phone call earlier was tempting him.

He asked again before leaving, “So… What does all this mean?”

“You really cut to the chase, huh?”

“No reason to waste time,” he grinned cutely and Jihoon sighed.

“Let’s not force anything, okay?” and Soonyoung agreed. If it meant that they could keep talking and occasionally have _that_ then who is Soonyoung to complain?

The apartment is dark when he comes home. It’s already past midnight so it’s not surprising that Wonwoo already went to bed. Soonyoung’s stomach grumbles as he opens the fridge and eats some noodles at the kitchen table while scrolling through his social media. He likes some of Minghao’s photos he hasn’t seen yet from his stay with Mingyu and watches some famous dance studios’ new choreography videos.

He looks up when he hears a door open and sees Wonwoo peeking out of his room.

“You’re back,” he says sleepily and Soonyoung smiles.

“Hey buddy,” he says softly. “Go to sleep.”

Wonwoo hesitates. “This is the latest you’ve come back this week, I got worried,” he admits and Soonyoung feels a pang of guilt.

“I’m fine, I promise,” he tries to put the most convincing into that one sentence and it seems to work because Wonwoo frowns.

“You do seem more cheerful.”

“See?” Soonyoung grins.

“Did you make up with Jihoon?” Wonwoo asks and Soonyoung’s smile falters. “Aish, sorry, never mind, I’ll go to bed,” he says quickly and disappears back into the room. Soonyoung feels bad again. Wonwoo was right but even though they didn’t explicitly discuss it, he’s pretty sure Jihoon wants to keep their arrangement a secret for now.

His phone pings after half a minute.

 

Wonwoo [00:42]: sorry

Wonwoo [00:42]: im sure u two will make up soon

Soonyoung [00:43]: alls good wonunu get some sleep <3

Wonwoo [00:43]: <3

 

Soonyoung snorts. Wonwoo barely ever uses hearts unless he’s drunk or exhausted. He was probably sleep walking that entire time, Soonyoung wouldn’t be surprised despite it never have happened before.

He throws away the leftovers and takes a shower to wash off the day and take care of some post-Jihoon tension he couldn’t relieve earlier. At one in the morning he’s asleep and being exhausted the next day feels worth it.

 

♫

 

Soonyoung’s cheery mood despite his exhaustion is obvious and Jun eyes him suspiciously all of Friday. Soonyoung knows he wants to ask about Jihoon but after a week of grumpy Soonyoung, he seems to be afraid to touch on the subject. Instead Soonyoung distracts him with something else.

“Minghao’s coming back this weekend,” he says with a grin and Jun lights up.

“I know! God, finally,” he sighs in relief. “In time for the kids’ showcase too, he’ll definitely be able to focus them.” Soonyoung smiles unsurely at that. Minghao’s a serious dude but he’s not assertive enough with the kids, but Soonyoung knows Jun favors the boy so he doesn’t disagree.

“We should do something, all of us, when he comes back,” Soonyoung suggests and Jun glances over at him, gaze suspicious again.

“Who is all of us?”

Soonyoung shrugs. “Whoever’s in town. You, me, Wonwoo, Jihoon, Seokmin, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Seungkwan and Vernon if they’re back from the states. I don’t think Joshua is yet.”

Jun raises a brow. “Don’t think you can throw Jihoon’s name out like that and I won’t notice.”

Soonyoung smiles innocently. “Are you going to create a group chat or not?”

“Damn you, of course I am,” he takes out his phone immediately and Soonyoung laughs when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He stops laughing when the ping follows by ten others until his butt is vibrating so uncomfortably he has to throw his phone aside. “Free massage,” Jun smiles and Soonyoung rolls his eyes.

Soonyoung only checks his phone after the kids leave in the evening. He has 243 missed messages. “Jesus fuck,” he mutters when he sees that and Jun pats him on the shoulder.

“Now you know how we feel when you send us ten messages for one sentence,” Jun smirks and Soonyoung pouts cutely. While scrolling through the messages he learns that Vernon and Seungkwan have indeed come back a few days ago, Minghao is returning Saturday and Mingyu is staying at home till the end of summer. Joshua moved to LA, having gotten a job there, and Jeonghan and Seungcheol are working in the city. “Wanna get a beer with us? Wonwoo is bringing some people from his office,” Jun asks when he’s ready, distracting him from his phone and Soonyoung easily agrees. He’s a social kid and isolating himself for even a few days was enough, he missed seeing his friends.

Some of Wonwoo’s office friends are interns from various universities in Seoul, while others are permanent workers and Soonyoung recognizes one of them from his first year in university. Jooheon was a senior in the same dancing program on a scholarship and the two spend most of the evening catching up. They go through a couple of beers each and Soonyoung tries not to think how a dancer with a scholarship ended up with an office job. Eventually he heads to the bathroom and checks his phone. 

 

Jihoon [22:31]: you know i thought ud be the one texting me first

 

Soonyoung chokes on air and quickly finishes peeing before replying. He’s gotten a little used to not talking to Jihoon every day for the past several days, especially when busy with other things, and hadn’t even realized that they didn’t speak that day.

 

Soonyoung [23:11]: sorry im not really sure how this is supposed to work

 

He chews on his lip as he stares at his screen as if that will make Jihoon reply quicker and his heart speeds up when his text appears as read.

 

Jihoon [23:12]: we didn't rlly set up any rules did we?

Jihoon [23:12]: what are u up to?

 

Soonyoung wants to believe that this is Jihoon’s way of asking Soonyoung what he’s wearing and he smiles like some lovesick teenager as he replies.

 

Soonyoung [23:12]: out w wonwoo and jun

Soonyoung [23:12]: why? did u miss me:D

 

The message is read for two minutes before Jihoon finally replies.

 

Jihoon [23:14]: just come

 

Soonyoung is almost hard right there in the gross pub bathroom when someone walks in and he drops his phone in the sink. Thankfully it’s empty. 

“What are you doing here?” It’s Wonwoo, he’s flushed and the first few buttons of his shirt are undone. Soonyoung has to admit he looks great and he almost wants to take a picture and send it to Mingyu to see what he’ll say.

“I’m leaving,” Soonyoung says quickly.

“Aight,” Wonwoo goes over to the urinal and starts doing his business.

“I’ll see you at home? Don’t drink too much, okay?” Soonyoung says and Wonwoo looks over his shoulder.

“Oh you’re _leaving_ leaving?” He asks curiously. “Where you off to?”

“Just tired,” Soonyoung shrugs and Wonwoo smiles disbelieving.

“Aight,” he says again, not pushing it. “I’ll see you at home.” Soonyoung leaves then and stops by the table to grab his bag and say bye to Jun and Wonwoo’s office friends. For a guy who talks about how antisocial he is all the time, Wonwoo can really pack a crowd. When Soonyoung walks out of the bar he has three new numbers on his phone.

He starts walking towards the music building but realizes it’s Friday night and Jihoon might not be there.

 

Soonyoung [23:25]: are u at the studio

Jihoon [23:25]: come to my place

 

Soonyoung jolts to a stop and starts walking even quicker. He’s been to Jihoon’s place many times before especially before Jihoon had his own studio in the music building, but now, with a promise of something else, the expectations and the excitement are different.

In fifteen minutes he’s knocking on Jihoon’s door and as soon as Jihoon lets him in they are kissing and stumbling inside the apartment until they fall against Jihoon’s bed and continue without breaking. Since Jihoon lives alone he went for a studio apartment. One large room, a kitchen in the corner and a separate space for the bathroom. Otherwise his place is just his bed, a TV, a couch and a fridge. It’s small and concise and cozy. It’s clear that Jihoon is not someone that needs too much space, he’s rarely at his place anyway.

“What did you do today?” Soonyoung asks between kisses and Jihoon replies without really stopping either.

“Finished _Highlight_ , got it approved by Bumzu, then had dinner with Seungcheol and Jeonghan,” he says and at Seungcheol’s name Soonyoung starts mouthing at his neck hands running down his torso to take hold of his hips. “You really are grossly possessive,” Jihoon chuckles, hands carding through Soonyoung’s hair and Soonyoung bites Jihoon on the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Jihoon gasps then quickly recovers by asking Soonyoung about his day.

“Dance, kids, bar with Jun and Wonwoo, met Jooheon after like three years,” he lists between kisses all over Jihoon’s neck.

“Isn’t that the guy you had your gay awakening for?” Jihoon asks and Soonyoung scoffs.

“What? No. Jooheon is like a brother to me. Chris Hemsworth was my gay awakening.”

“Thor?” Jihoon starts laughing so hard Soonyoung has to stop kissing him.

“He’s hot!”

“He is,” Jihoon agrees still laughing.

“Who was yours?”

Jihoon pauses then smirks at Soonyoung and says, “Seeing you dance at that showcase Freshman year.”

Soonyoung stares at him. “Okay I know you’re lying but that still makes me happy.”

“Ah,” Jihoon sighs. “You’re getting harder to tease. And anyway I’ve always known I’m probably gay. I never liked any girls.”

Soonyoung pauses, thinking. “What _did_ you think about my showcase freshman year, then?”

Jihoon’s smirk softens and he fixes Soonyoung fringe and Soonyoung thinks he might fall in love more and more every time he does that. “I thought I want to keep writing for you forever.”

Soonyoung’s eyes widen. “Are you for real?”

“Are you going to let it get to your head?”

“Of course I am!” He exclaims so loudly that Jihoon shuts his eyes at the noise and Soonyoung kisses him and doesn’t stop until they’re exhausted and fall asleep tangled up on Jihoon’s bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long but its like 8.5k sooo :~) also ps the girls are random even though theyre pristin's names there's no shipping i just needed to use some girl names

When Soonyoung wakes up next morning Jihoon is gone and somehow it's not surprising. Knowing Jihoon he probably woke up freaking out and Soonyoung wishes he had remained so they could at least talk through it somehow. Sighing, he pulls himself up to a seating position and stretches out, jeans pushing uncomfortably at his stomach from staying on all night. He goes to the bathroom to wash his face and use some of Jihoon’s mouthwash so he’s at least somewhat presentable to the Seoul public and after leaving a little post-it note on the fridge for Jihoon, heads home.

By eleven he’s entering his apartment and finds Wonwoo sipping coffee at the kitchen table. With all the distractions of last night he forgot he’s going to have to suffer through this confrontation.

“Sup?” He nods casually at Wonwoo who raises a brow in return.

“Seriously?” Wonwoo laugh is short and incredulous and Soonyoung runs a hand through his hair ignoring it. He heads over to the coffee machine to take care of his own caffeine intake and pretends like they don't need to have that conversation. “Are you going to make me ask?”

“I’m not making you do anything,” he makes sure to sound innocent, but he knows Wonwoo can easily decipher the underlining anxiety in his voice. 

Wonwoo sighs. “If you’re not telling me, I’m assuming it’s because you’re not ready to and I won’t pressure you…” He says mimicking his own preferences. “But if you’re going off to sleep somewhere, let me know beforehand at least? I got worried when I realized you never actually came home last night.”

“You could’ve texted me,” Soonyoung defends despite feeling an immense wave of gratitude, thinking _this is the reason he's my best friend._

“I assumed where you were,” he replies taking a sip of his coffee watching for a reaction from Soonyoung. Soonyoung stays strong though and continues quietly preparing his sweet, milky, caffeinated drink. “In any case, there’s a new game I need to get from the mall today. Want to come with?” 

They spend the day together. They haven’t done that in a while and it’s familiar in a way that reminds Soonyoung just how much he had missed this. Wonwoo tells him of his job and friends at the office and a pretty intern who asked him out and he agreed.

“You haven’t dated in a while,” Soonyoung notes and Wonwoo shrugs.

“She’s cute... I suppose I should put myself out there a bit more,” he sounds unsure and Soonyoung doesn’t push it. He’s probably not the best person to mentor on relationships anyway.

“You don’t have to rush it, you know? If it feels right it will feel right,” he decides to say anyway since Wonwoo looks a little down.

His best friend sighs at that and then smiles. “It could be fun,” he admits. “We’ll probably go see that new Marvel movie and then go out for drinks or something,” he rolls out his shoulders.

“Sounds fun,” Soonyoung smiles and realizes Jihoon probably wants to see that movie too. They haven’t spoken at all since last night so he decides this is a good ice breaker. Quickly he takes out his phone and texts him about it. When he catches Wonwoo watching him he shrugs. “Jihoon will want to watch it.”

“So you two are speaking again?” Wonwoo smirks and Soonyoung grins back, but it’s not too genuine and he knows Wonwoo will be able to tell.

“You know how we are.” 

“Of course.”

Having his messenger app open reminds him of the huge group chat. “Are we hanging out with the crew tonight?” Wonwoo lets out a laugh.

“The crew?”

“The homeboys.”

“Shut up. And yes, I guess? Unless you’re planning on ditching me again.”

“Those were your friends last night! How was I ditching?” Wonwoo doesn’t reply right away instead they reach the gaming store and get distracted buying the game before continuing with the conversation once walking through the mall again.

“Jeonghan and Cheol hyung were apparently already planning on hosting something at their place,” Soonyoung pockets his phone, while Wonwoo walks beside him all the while reading the back of his gaming box.

“I don’t think I can go out today,” he mumbles. “I’ve waited so long to play this.”

“Let’s buy some snacks and play until we absolutely have to leave?” Soonyoung suggests giving Wonwoo a supportive pat on the back and Wonwoo nods, eyes still on the box.

The next six hours are just the two of them on the couch playing until consistent loud rings snatch them from their game and have them looking at each other wide eyed.

"What is that?” Soonyoung asks after the third ring.

Wonwoo looks around searching for the source of the noise. “I think it’s our house phone.”

“We have a house phone?” Soonyoung gapes as Wonwoo, seeming to have found the source of the noise, gets up from the couch.

“Apparently…” He takes three steps to the kitchen and answers the phone attached on the wall. “Hello?”  Soonyoung watches this, slightly confused. He’s always seen the phone around but didn't realize it actually functioned. “Yeah,” Wonwoo laughs. “Sorry, we’ll head out right away,” he says into the phone and then to Soonyoung. “Hyung is angry,” Wonwoo doesn’t even need to specify, Soonyoung immediately knows he’s talking about Jeonghan. “The party started an hour and a half ago.” Soonyoung blinks and checks his watch, heart starting to hammer when he realizes it’s indeed eight thirty. Seungcheol and Jeonghan had invited everyone for seven.

Wonwoo hangs up and both boys scramble to their rooms to make themselves presentable. Soonyoung gets dressed in a black tee and ripped black jeans, spraying some cologne as he checks out his outfit in the mirror. He considers lining his eyes a little, he usually does for a night out but since it’s just a hangout he decides to pass this time despite curious what Jihoon might think of it.

 _Jihoon._ He realizes he hadn’t checked his texts since he got home. He looks around his room but his phone isn’t there and when he heads to the kitchen to get it he finds Wonwoo standing in front of the TV, PS4 remote in his hands.

“I’m just saving the game,” he tells him innocently and Soonyoung brushes it off as he tries to spot his phone in the kitchen.

It’s face down next to the groceries they bought earlier, still in the bags. At least they put the milk in the fridge, he thinks. Quickly he unpacks all the bags and at the same tries to look through messages on his phone. There’s a lot of random notifications, schedule changes for next week, his mom sending him pictures of how her garden is growing, some game apps reminders, Seokmin yelling at him where is he, Jeonghan passive aggressive even through text, and finally Jihoon’s short reply, “sure”. 

It feels cold, Soonyoung thinks, or maybe he’s just nervous. There was something off with the way he woke up alone that morning especially when Jihoon is the farthest from a morning person, so a one word text isn't really something to cheer about.

“You good to go?” Wonwoo asks distracting Soonyoung from his screen. The bags are empty and scattered across the kitchen counters and the boys decide to leave them for later as Soonyoung nods and they head out.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s place isn't far. University is already close to the center, so finding a good job in the area as well as staying somewhere familiar and next to their friends wasn’t too difficult. Other than the rent, of course. But being broke in college becomes a habit so once paying tuition goes away a little rent isn’t so bad. At least that’s what Seungcheol-hyung says when he’s splurging on a Starbucks Frappuccino.

Their arrival is awkward despite everyone welcoming them warmly. Jeonghan-hyung is sitting on the arm rest giving them the deadliest glare that Wonwoo pointedly avoids and Soonyoung faces with an expert smile. Next to Jeonghan on the couch is Jihoon scrolling on his phone and beside him Seungcheol. Soonyoung still smiles warmly at his hyung but inside he feels incredibly cold.

“Apologies,” he says, voice steady and cheery as he winks at Jeonghan. “We got distracted.” Jeonghan raises a brow at that and Wonwoo nudges him.

“You don’t need to make it sound like _that_ idiot,” Wonwoo sighs and Soonyoung feels bad when he realizes how much Wonwoo hates suggestions like that.

“I didn’t mean it that way!” He defends quickly. And he didn’t. He was just trying to brighten the atmosphere. “Wonwoo got a new game and we got carried away playing.”

Jun perks up at that. “Which game?” The conversation takes off from there as Wonwoo sits in the space between the couch and Jun’s chair while Soonyoung takes a spot on the arm of Seokmin’s lounger. Seokmin immediately gives him a soft punch on his thigh.

“What the fuck dude, Hannie-hyung’s gonna kill you,” Seokmin warns him earnestly and Soonyoung smiles down at him ruffling his hair.

“Stop being dramatic we’re just a bit late.”

“A bit?”

“A tiny _tiny_ bit.”

“You’re dead, hyung.”

“What are we playing?” Soonyoung changes the subject as he looks around the room. All ten are gathered around the table. It’s weird without Mingyu and Joshua and Soonyoung finds himself excited when Chan will arrive at the end of summer to fill in the missing space.

They're playing cards against humanity and Seungkwan quickly gives out the late boys their cards for them to join in the next round. It’s a familiar atmosphere. Seunghcheol passes them some beers and everything is light and fun with Hansol’s underground hiphop music playing softly in the background. Jihoon has put his phone away but still won’t meet Soonyoung’s eyes despite him desperately trying to get his attention. By the tenth round he feels like he’ll climb over the table just to force the boy to look at him but he thinks it’s the two beers speaking and not his conscious mind.

“We invited some more people at around ten,” Seungcheol says taking a sip from his beer. “We gotta decide the winner soon. Who’s winning so far?”

Soonyoung, despite joining later gathered a total of seven cards and he’s somehow third place after Seungkwan (9) and Jun (10).

“That’s not fair I had less games!” Soonyoung defends loudly when Seungcheol said it is up to Seungkwan and Jun now and Jeonghan clears his throat.

“And whose fault is that?” Jeonghan’s voice pierces Soonyoung’s noisiness and Soonyoung shuts up putting the cards away.

Seokmin pulls Soonyoung down by his sleeve to whisper in his ear, “I told you! He was really excited for today, especially since Joshua left. He misses us,” he moves away and gives Soonyoung a pointed stare.

Okay, Soonyoung thinks leaning away, maybe he should’ve properly analyzed the situation. He looks up to see Jeonghan staring suspiciously at them and Soonyoung gives him a closed lipped smile. When he looks over to Jihoon, Jihoon quickly looks away and Soonyoung smiles wider. 

 _Caught you_.

 

 ♫ 

 

Seungkwan wins the game, which might not have been fair since one of the people choosing was Vernon sitting right next to him with a very known bias towards his best friend. Still, Jun is older and despite his childishness, quite mature so he lets it slide allowing the younger to boast. After ten o’clock people start arriving with alcohol and _stronger_ alcohol too and Soonyoung already having consumed three beers looks nervously at the huge vodka on the table where their cards were scattered just ten minutes ago.

“I shouldn’t drink anymore,” he mumbles and someone pats his back.

“You shouldn’t,” it’s Jun, Soonyoung recognizes, with Wonwoo beside him.

“You’ll be cleaning up the throw up,” Wonwoo says and Soonyoung’s eyes widen.

“Who said I’m throwing up?”

“If you drink that you’re going to,” he says nonchalantly.

“I’m not!”

“Hmmhm..”

“I am not!”

“Children,” Jun raises his palms between their faces. “Don’t fight. Let’s talk about more important issues, like how Minghao put smoky eyeshadow tonight. He’s embracing his full emo and it’s making me-“ Someone shoves them from behind trying to pass by and Jun’s glass spills all over his shirt. “Well fuck.”

“Indeed,” Wonwoo mutters and walks away without another word.

“He’s been tense since Minghao came back,” Jun explains trying to take a sip from his cup and sighing. “Gotta get a refill, you’ll be good?” He asks Soonyoung who blinks innocently at him making Jun sigh again. “I’ll be right back, don’t do anything stupid.”

Soonyoung’s tipsy mind has him glued to the floor and eyes fixed to one spot, refusing to move less he betray Jun’s wishes. Only when a hand takes hold of his arm does he snap out of it.

“I didn’t even move!” He smiles proudly expecting to see Jun but sees Jihoon instead. His smile deflates immediately. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Jihoon asks incredulously.

“I thought you were avoiding me,” Soonyoung’s eyes narrow and Jihoon looks sheepishly away.

“Can we talk somewhere in private?” His hand is still on Soonyoung’s arm as his thumb caresses it trying to get an answer out of him. Soonyoung stares down at him, eyes glazing as they drop down to his lips and Jihoon tightens his hold. “Soonyoung.” Said boy clears his throat and nods allowing Jihoon to lead him out of the crowded room. For a second his eyes meet Jun’s throwing him an apologetic look, but Jun simply raises his cup  at him and smirks.

They end up in some bedroom and Soonyoung drops himself onto the bed, sees the One Piece poster by the desk and realizes - “Is this Seungcheol’s room?”

Jihoon swallows from where he is standing uncomfortably by the door. “Maybe.”

“Did you two…. Here? “

“Soonyoung they moved here three months ago, come _on_.”

“Listen I don’t know your full story and where you were today so…”

“What are you even saying?” Jihoon’s voice is on edge and Soonyoung sighs falling back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. “How much did you drink?” Soonyoung’s eyes drift close.

“Just a few beers.” He hears footsteps as Jihoon comes closer and sits beside him on the bed. When he doesn’t say anything Soonyoung opens his eyes to find Jihoon already watching him.

“Sorry about this morning,” he says quietly and Soonyoung chuckles.

“Okay,” the reply is effortless and he closes his eyes once more.

“Soonyoung,” he prods poking him on the side. “I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Soonyoung replies unconvincingly and Jihoon gives his belly a slap making him whine as he covers his middle.

“Don’t be a baby and sit up,” Jihoon’s voice is sharp and after a dramatic whine Soonyoung does as asked. He doesn’t even have time to open his eyes before Jihoon pulls his collar down to give him a strong kiss on the mouth.

The kiss is quick and heated and their teeth clash enough that Soonyoung thinks, shit, is that his lip bleeding? Jihoon breathes through his nose as he grabs Soonyoung’s face with his free hand and pulls him closer to deepen the kiss before they separate, foreheads leaning on each other’s.

Soonyoung’s eyes are still closed and mind still cloudy and all he can focus on is their hot breaths mingling.

“We’re in Seungcheol’s room,” he says to break the silence. “This is weird.” Jihoon kisses him again just to shut him up. They don’t kiss for long because for both of them making out in their friend’s room is a little weird, so they sit on the bed, hands loosely entwined together.

“So you're gonna tell me why you chickened out?” Soonyoung speaks his thumb running over the back of Jihoon’s hand noticing how his fingers twitch, either at the caress or the question.

“There was… something I had to finish.”

Soonyoung’s eyes narrow. “Uhuh…”

Jihoon stands up, hands disconnecting. “We should go back out there,” he makes his way towards the door and turns around last second. “Maybe wait a few minutes before you leave?” Soonyoung’s about to say something but Jihoon already leaves.

It’s not like they're strangers... What’s weird with best friends wanting some privacy, he thinks bitterly. But from the past few weeks if there’s anything Soonyoung learned about Jihoon is that he’s beyond private, as well as slightly paranoid and very afraid. He looks down and thinks how nice it was just a few minutes ago with Jihoon’s pretty fingers laying through his and tightens his empty hand into a fist.

He’s not stupid. It’s not difficult to figure out that Jihoon woke up next to Soonyoung and got scared at what that meant for their relationship. Do they get up as usual, have their breakfast, go their own ways? Or could Soonyoung roll over on top of Jihoon kiss him good morning and laugh at Jihoon crinkling his nose at his morning breath.

Soonyoung sighs and gets up from bed. There is no use overthinking it, not when he is convinced Jihoon will accept that reality soon enough anyway. It helps that one of them wants it, now it’ll just take some time for the other to catch up. It’s off-putting to realize how long he’s waited for this. Soonyoung has always been an affectionate person, but to accept this kind of desire and affection for someone… Soonyoung has thought about this a lot, he thinks. It was always casual and dumb desires but now they feel accessible and he truly understands how much he wants it.

 

 ♫

 

Soonyoung doesn’t get caught leaving Seungcheol’s room which is a miracle because the number of people at the apartment has doubled.

“Damn,” he murmurs when he finds Jun and Wonwoo drinking from plastic cups by the living room TV. “Who are all these people?" 

“Probably last year’s seniors,” Wonwoo shrugs, typing something on his phone with one thumb.

Jun hasn’t replied but is staring at Soonyoung with a smirk that makes a cold sweat run down his back. “Where’ve you been?” He asks.

“Jihoon wanted me to hear his new song,” Soonyoung says, he thinks if someone did notice them enter a room together there should be a good cover story. Jun keeps smirking and taps his finger on Soonyoung’s chest and Soonyoung looks down to find his first few buttons have come undone. “Oops,” he grins sheepishly and closes them.

“Exciting song?” Wonwoo asks, eyebrow raised.

“Very!” Soonyoung grins and looks around to find a distraction before he digs an even bigger hole for himself.

“Soonyoung!” He’s suddenly grabbed by Seungcheol who has two girls by his side, one of them Nayoung, his girlfriend.  “Life of the party!” He grins crazily, eyes a little bloodshot. “This is the guy I was telling you about,” he tells the second girl. “Funniest and _funnest_ guy I know,” he adds winking and then to Soonyoung, “This is Eunwoo, the girl I told you about remember?”

Soonyoung tries to keep smiling to be polite but feels his face betraying him. “Sure!” He smiles. “I’m Soonyoung,” he introduces himself by shaking the girl’s hand.

As the conversation goes on it’s clear Seungcheol is trying to set him and Eunwoo together and despite Soonyoung having no interest in her, he knows only how to be friendly and polite. When the discussion of significant others starts Jun and Wonwoo both back out, which further distracts them since Jun had no idea about Wonwoo’s new romantic developments. That leaves Soonyoung alone with Eunwoo.

“So about the movie?” She asks, smiling prettily. She’s beautiful, she really is, but Soonyoung doesn’t want or feel anything.

“Actually, I’m already seeing that movie with someone,” he admits.

“Oh, Marvel!” Seungcheol laughs, arm thrown around his girlfriend. “That’s Soonyoung and Jihoon’s little tradition, you can’t interfere with that,” his eyes widen for emphasis. 

Eunwoo frowns but doesn’t push it. “Something else then?” Then she puts out her hand and makes a grabbing gesture. “I’ll give you my phone number.” Soonyoung swallows, phone feeling suddenly heavy in his pocket. He briefly looks at Wonwoo who is talking with Jun but watching the exchange with full attention. “I won’t bite,” she adds when Soonyoung doesn’t move. “It’s just a movie, right?”

Soonyoung clears his throat. This means much more than just a movie. If not to her than to him, and a certain someone too. Hesitantly, he takes out his phone and hands it over to her. While she types her number in, he looks around the room and spots Jihoon looking at her from the couch. His eyes are narrowed and Soonyoung knows Jihoon isn’t happy about this, so why does it make Soonyoung feel so… satisfied?

When she hands the phone back she smiles and Soonyoung smiles politely back. She and Nayoung excuse themselves which leaves the boys alone and Seungcheol gives Soonyoung a strong hit on the arm.

“Look at you! She’s really cute and fun! She dances, too, but maybe she was saving that conversation for another time,” his huge gummy smile shines excitedly at him and Soonyoung has to look away. “Give it a try, I haven’t seen you going out with someone in a while.” Soonyoung nods but doesn’t respond. “What’s got him so down?” Seungcheol asks Wonwoo and Jun.

Wonwoo shrugs but Jun doesn’t have as much self-control. “I think he’s got his eyes on someone else.” Soonyoung throws him a glare.

“Really?” Seungcheol straightens out, incredibly invested already. “Who?”

Jun opens his mouth to reply but Soonyoung’s glare is intense enough to stop him. Jun suddenly laughs and shrugs. “I don’t know, just a feeling I got.”

“We think it’s someone from home,” Wonwoo diverts.

“From home?” Seungcheol looks at Soonyoung with narrowed eyes, trying to calculate something. “Jihoon didn’t mention meeting anyone other than you there.” Jun chokes on the beer he’s drinking and Soonyoung just hopes the ground will swallow him up immediately. Under different circumstances he wouldn’t mind Seungcheol knowing, but with hyung's history with Jihoon he really doesn’t want to have that conversation.

Soonyoung twists out of Seungcheol’s grip. “Maybe I’m just not interested in dating,” he defends. “Or I’m not interested in dating _girls_ ,” he emphasizes.

“Do you want me to set you up with a guy?” Seungcheol asks and Soonyoung jaw drops.

“Maybe I don’t to date anyone!” He exclaims a bit too loudly and a few people turn around despite the loud music.

Seungcheol raises his hands. “Okay, Soonyoung I was just trying to help. I’ll stop.” His puppy face is impeccable and Soonyoung feels bad instantly.

“It’s fine, hyung. I’ll let you know if I’m interested in seeing someone. Thanks anyway.” He looks over to Wonwoo feeling suddenly exhausted. Before Wonwoo can catch on the social cue to save Soonyoung and leave, Seungcheol takes hold of his arm again. 

“Soonyoung,” he says in a low voice. His mood has changed a little, like he realized something and Soonyoung feels a little afraid. “Can we talk in private for a moment?” Soonyoung shoots another look towards his friends but decides to nod and lets Seungcheol take them down the corridor to his room.

“Ugh,” Seungcheol groans upon entering. “I knew someone would come in here for a hook up,” he goes to his bed to straighten out the sheets while Soonyoung freezes hoping his stillness will save him from Seungcheol suspecting it might’ve been him.

“You wanted to talk about something, hyung?” He asks to distract him.

Seungcheol turns around and sits on his bed. “Right,” then he pauses looking at Soonyoung with a brow raised. “You good? Want to sit down?” Soonyoung shakes his head but Seungcheol gets up anyway to pull out his desk chair for himself and gestures for Soonyoung to sit on his bed. Tentatively, Soonyoung mumbles a thank you and sits carefully on the bed trying not to recall the images of Jihoon kissing him there less than an hour before.

“So…” Soonyoung grabs his knees and Seungcheol leans forward his forearms resting on his thighs.

“I need to ask you something and if you don’t want to talk about it be honest with me, okay?” Soonyoung nods. “Have you and Jihoon ever discussed his… dating life?”

Soonyoung swallows, heart hammering. He wasn’t expecting _this_ type of conversation. “What do you mean?”

Seungcheol is clearly starting to grow uncomfortable as well. He leans back on his chair dragging his fringe back and wets his lips before speaking. “Jihoon’s… preferences…” 

He could lie, Soonyoung thinks, but there really is no point to. They both know and it isn’t uncommon for a best friend to confess about their sexuality. “I know he’s gay if that’s what you mean,” Soonyoung decides to say and Seungcheol nods. 

“Right, I assumed you would know, though I know you didn’t know when we-” he clears his throat, "when we last spoke about it," he decides to say. "Did he tell you anything else?” He asks looking away and Soonyoung feels bad for the guy. Seungcheol is probably the best hyung he knows. He is sweet and caring and genuine. That’s why hiding things is so hard for Seungcheol. He’s absolute shit at it. An open book.

“I don’t even think he’s ever hooked up with anyone,” Soonyoung lies with a small chuckle trying to cover it up. Seungcheol and Soonyoung are similar in a lot of ways and being poor liars is one of them.

Seungcheol clears his throat mimicking the chuckle. “Right, anyway,” he chews on his bottom lip before speaking again. “I know I said I’ll leave this alone, but Jihoon is one of the dearest people to me and so are you Soonyoung, I just want both of you to be happy…” Soonyoung’s eyes widen realizing where the conversation is going. “You and Jihoon ever considered you know… dating each other?” Soonyoung is still for a few seconds and then he burst out laughing. Seungcheol shoves his shoulder lightly when he won’t stop. “Stop! I’m serious! Don’t pretend like you haven’t thought about it!” That shuts Soonyoung up and he feels his face hot and red and not only from the laughing.

“Of course I have,” he confesses. “I’ve thought of hypothetically dating many people, friends included! But this isn’t a question of what I’d want but what Jihoon wants,” he says growing timid. “And he _doesn't_ want. Trust me.” 

Seungcheol looks at Soonyoung, unconvinced. “I think you’re wrong.”

Soonyoung chuckles. “How would you know?”

“Jihoon and I… We’re closer than you think.” Soonyoung almost rolls his eyes. “I see how he talks about you, how he treats you and how he looks at you. I see both ways, so trust _me_ when I say you two would be good together.” The way he says it is almost… almost like he’s sad about. Like he’s jealous. _Oh my god_ , Soonyoung thinks. He was so focused on Jihoon in that relationship he didn’t at all think about Seungcheol. It’s quiet for a good minute before Seungcheol claps his hands and grins. “Well! I’m glad we had this conversation, shall we go back to the party?” Soonyoung blinks at the quick change of atmosphere but nods getting up after Seungcheol. Before they leave the room Seungcheol turns around one last time placing a hand on Soonyoung’s shoulder. “Just think about it?”

Soonyoung nods as if he hadn’t been thinking about _only_ that for the last three weeks. “Sure.” 

Unsurprisingly, the first thing he notices once he leaves the room is Jihoon staring between them trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. Seungcheol doesn't stick around this time and heads straight to his girlfriend while Soonyoung decides he’s done avoiding Jihoon and heads over to where he’s sitting. He stands between Seokmin and Jeonghan while Jihoon is in front of them on the couch and despite trying to make conversation with everyone, with how Jihoon is staring at him it’s almost impossible to look away. Even while Seokmin is joking around with him and Jeonghan is pitching his ass, his eyes again and again find Jihoon’s.

When Jeonghan and Seokmin get distracted arguing between each other, Soonyoung drops onto the couch and throws his arm around Jihoon. “Why so grumpy, Jihoonie?” He whispers hotly in his ear and Jihoon leans away.

“You owe me an explanation,” Jihoon says back to him.

“Sorry!” Soonyoung cups his ear. “It’s so loud in here I can’t hear you!” Jihoon looks at him disbelieving and grabs his hand pulling it away from his face while squeezing it with all his might.

Soonyoung whines but Jihoon ignores him, repeating straight to his face, “I said, you owe me an explanation.”

Soonyoung pain is genuine and he whines again. “I’ll tell you after, owwww!”

“Please stop with the foreplay, there are private places for that,” of course it’s Jun who says that as he sits down on the arm of the couch with Minghao giggling by his side.

“Mingyu complained a lot about this,” Minghao adds and Jihoon immediately lets go of Soonyoung who stares in horror at his reddened hand.

“It’s never ending,” Jun sighs. “Adorable how much they try to prove to everyone they hate each other.”

“That’s not true!” Soonyoung pouts then hugs Jihoon pointedly. “Everyone knows I love my cute little Jihoonie.” Jihoon tries to push away but Soonyoung is squeezing him close, cheek squished against the top of Jihoon’s head. From the other side Seokmin joins in and they both crush Jihoon between them.

“Our Jihoonie~ Our cute little Jihoonie~!” Seokmin wails and Jihoon stills between them, giving up on pushing them away.

“He’s going to suffocate,” Wonwoo says taking a seat next to Jeonghan who is distracted texting on his phone. Soonyoung lets go first, part of him a little worried over Wonwoo's words, and high fives Seokmin at Jihoon’s messy hair and crimson ears. When he meets Jihoon's eyes, the boy is clearly enraged and Soonyoung wants more than anything to lean down and kiss the glare away. The distraction gives Jihoon enough time to pinch Soonyoung’s thigh hard enough to leave a bruise. Then, he stands up and leaves.

“Is he actually angry?” Seokmin worries naturally.

Despite not really paying attention earlier, Jeonghan easily catches up with what's happening and flicks Seokmin's forehead. “Do you not know Jihoon at all?” Soonyoung is watching Jihoon disappear into the kitchen and looks over to Wonwoo who raises a brow and tilts his head towards Jihoon. He then takes out his phone and types something as Soonyoung decides that he’ll go after him.

He says bye to everyone and ignores how Jun smirks at the turn of events and as he’s walking through the crowd his phone vibrates. Before entering the kitchen, he checks the message. 

 

Wonwoo [23:37]: just let me know this time if ure not coming back home

Soonyoung [23:37]: how will u get back?

Woonwoo [23:38]: ill be fine minghaos our designated driver

 

That’s a good enough response for Soonyoung so he pockets his phone and enters the kitchen. Inside, Jihoon is sipping from a cup and stops once he sees Soonyoung enter. There’s nobody else in the kitchen, surprisingly, but it still doesn’t feel private. He comes up to Jihoon and leans on the counter, neither of them saying anything.

“So are you going to tell me?” Jihoon caves first.

“Yeah,” Soonyoung says, because of course he’ll tell him anything. “Just not here.”

“Is this your attempt to get us out of here?”

“Is it working?” Soonyoung grins and instead of responding Jihoon takes another sip. “Is that alcohol?” Soonyoung asks trying to look inside the cup.

“Water.”

“Hmm,” Soonyoung hums leaning closer to Jihoon. “Healthy.” Their noses are about to touch when they hear voices outside the kitchen door and Jihoon pulls away. 

“I’m hungry,” he says spilling the rest of the water into the sink. “Can we grab something to eat?”

“I don’t want to spend money,” Soonyoung confesses. He was glad this is a house party, his paycheck is only going to come in at the end of the month and he underestimated how only one week of working in July will financially damage him. “I have food at home?” He offers and immediately notices how Jihoon tenses. “Wonwoo is still at the party and is staying until Jun and Minghao leave,” he raises his brows pointedly. That’s at least till two am and Jihoon knows that. Soonyoung watches him debate internally with himself for half a minute before he finally agrees.

Nobody notices them leave and Soonyoung is glad since he definitely doesn't want any more suggestive stares from his friends. They take the stairs down and enter the humid August night in silence. Jihoon has his arms crossed as they walk which is a good thing because Soonyoung knows he would’ve tried taking one of his hands. Jihoon probably knows it too.

“Did you have a good night?” Soonyoung asks, making conversation.

“Wonderful, I feel like my soul has been squeezed out of my body. Literally.” Soonyoung laughs which earns him another pinch on the arm. “Don’t think I haven’t forgotten." 

“I know you haven’t.”

“Then is this private enough for you?”

Soonyoung bites his lip. Privacy isn’t the real issue here but the fact that Soonyoung doesn’t actually want to discuss it. Jihoon knows but isn’t shy to push. “We talked about you.”

“Naturally.”

Soonyoung scoffs. “He wanted to set me up with some girl, but I wasn’t interested,” he pauses for effect.

“I saw. She’s pretty, you should text her,” he says it so nonchalantly it’s almost offensive.

“Ahh, Jihoonie… You don’t understand anything do you?”

They’re quiet for a moment. “I’m just looking out for you.”

“You don’t need to, I’m fine and I’m satisfied with my current relationship.”

“Well then you’re stupid.”

“Thank you.” They’re quiet again and under the Seoul city lights Soonyoung can see the tips of Jihoon’s ears are red.

“Continue,” Jihoon props him and Soonyoung nods.

“Right, so Seungcheol was being pushy and I got a bit defensive and mentioned that maybe I wasn’t interested in dating girls…” Jihoon sighs at that.

“You do realize what kind of society we live in?”

“Of course and I’ve met many people are in a relationship with the same sex. I’m not scared of the possibility”

“Well then you’re dumber than I thought,” Jihoon mumbles and Soonyoung frowns. While Soonyoung is bi with certain preferences of course, he does have a choice. If he really wanted to take the safe road, girls are an option. But Jihoon… Jihoon wouldn’t naturally be interested in girls so how can he be so against the prospect of a same sex relationship?

He decides not to touch on it right now and continues with the story. “Cheol-hyung said he wanted to talk to me in private so I went with him to his room. He got upset because he realized someone was making out on his bed,” Jihoon let out a choking noise and Soonyoung smirked continuing, “and afterwards he suggested you and I date each other.” Jihoon stops and stares at Soonyoung in shock.

“He what?!”

“Shh,” Soonyoung turns Jihoon around by his shoulder and leads him forward, they’re only a minute away from his apartment.

“What did you say?”

“I said you’re not interested in me.”

“Damn right,” Jihoon huffs and Soonyoung frowns at him earning a small smile from Jihoon.

“He said I’m wrong, that you’re in love with me and one time while you two were hooking up you screamed my name instead of his.”

“Well that never happened so don’t get your hopes up,” Jihoon chuckles. Their conversation is interrupted as they enter the building with some other neighbors and go up the elevator in silence.

Once they’re inside and take their shoes off Soonyoung says, “He might not have hinted my name in bed situations, but I really do think he had feelings for you,” he admits following Jihoon into the kitchen. Inside, Jihoon isn’t shy to look through every single cupboard until he finds the ramyeon while Soonyoung stores away the plastic bags he left all over the kitchen.

“You want some?” Jihoon asks when he finds the noodles stash.

“Your spicy ones?” Soonyoung asks hopefully.

“Sure.”

“Awesome, I love them the most.”

Jihoon smiles and takes out a few packs while Soonyoung fills up a pot with water. “Seungcheol didn’t have feelings for me.”

“He seemed jealous when he spoke about us being together,” Soonyoung is surprised how much he admits about the conversation especially since these were all just speculations.

“Maybe his sex life with his girlfriend isn’t as exciting as ours was,” this time Soonyoung chokes and Jihoon bursts out laughing. “I’m joking oh my god,” he keeps cackling while Soonyoung looks at him exasperated. “Come on, Soonyoung, no need to look so scandalized, you know we never went that far.”

“Actually I don’t know! You never told me.”

“Oh I haven’t?” Jihoon smirks.

“You like keeping me on my toes,” Soonyoung pouts. Jihoon bursts out laughing again and pokes Soonyoung’s cheek.

“Aw, Soonyoungie how cute~ You know me so well!”

Soonyoung stares at him in shock. “I know you’re teasing me but please call me that again.” Jihoon laughs but ignores him to continue making the ramyeon. Once Soonyoung understands that his pleading is for nothing, he asks, “So how far did you two go?”

“Pretty far,” Jihoon admits, ears pinking up.

“How long were you two hooking up anyway?”

“Almost three months.”

“Oh god.” Jihoon pokes Soonyoung’s cheek to stop him from pouting and Soonyoung grabs at his face. “Stop with those."

“Stop nosing into my sex life.”

“Excuse me but your sex life happened while we were all together working on a joined project! Sorry if I’m curious about it.”

“Then don’t complain when you get the answers.” Soonyoung huffs but has to agree. “Anyway, will we ever talk about anything other than Seungcheol?”

“You’re the one who wanted to know about our conversation,” Soonyoung defends and Jihoon shrugs. “That Marvel movie came out. Should I get tickets?”

“You know I don’t only consists of Seungcheol and Marvel?”

“Of course.” The entire conversation got Soonyoung feeling a little possessive. He takes Jihoon’s shoulders from behind and whispers in his ear, “There’s some Soonyoung in there too.” Jihoon elbows him but Soonyoung doesn’t let go. Instead he runs his hands down his arms and up again and Jihoon lets him.

“Just get tickets for any day,” Jihoon says. “I’ll make sure I’m free.”

“How sweet of you,” Soonyoung mutters close to his ear, feeling Jihoon tense under his hands. When Jihoon doesn’t stop him again Soonyoung leans closer so lips brush against his ear as he speaks. “Smells so good Jihoonie~”

“Is this your idea of dirty talk?” Jihoon asks boldly but his voice lets out a hint of trembling.

“Mmmmm, Jihoonie, so excited for your yummy noodles~” Soonyoung nuzzles the crook of his neck and Jihoon once more tries to push him away but it’s half-hearted.

“I need my arms,” Jihoon says so Soonyoung lets them go and takes him by the waist instead. He’s feeling confident suddenly from being allowed to hold Jihoon so close. Carefully he kisses the back of Jihoon’s ear. When Jihoon doesn’t refuse he leaves another kiss bellow the ear and then a whole trail down his neck. He feels excited from not being pushed away and pulls Jihoon closer with one arm while his other hand goes up to Jihoon’s neck to push his head back onto his shoulder for better access. “The ramyeon will overcook,” Jihoon breathes breaking the silence. Soonyoung didn’t realize how quiet it has gotten, the only noise coming from the ramyeon bubbling and Soonyoung's kissing.

“I’m keeping an eye on them,” Soonyoung says teeth grazing lightly at his jaw.

“You have no concept of multitasking.”

“You have very low confidence in me,” Soonyoung sighs and slips a few fingers under the collar of Jihoon’s shirt while his other hand slips down to graze against Jihoon’s crotch. Jihoon gasps and pushes him away.

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon warns and Soonyoung smiles innocently stepping away.

“Maybe you’re the one who’s bad at multitasking, Jihoonie~” 

“Shut up and sit down,” Jihoon says, visibly blushing. Soonyoung does as told and sits at the table to watch Jihoon cook and tries to ignore the hardness his hand brushed over just a few moments before.

 

♫

 

Jihoon’s spicy ramyeon is fantastic as usual and Soonyoung only realizes how starved he was after he swallows down two full bowls. He leans back, stomach full and satisfied, his eyes closing. Jihoon is still finishing his last bowl of some leftover rice and the kitchen is once again quiet.  

“Good?” Jihoon asks into the silence.

“Amazing,” Soonyoung sighs opening an eye to look at Jihoon. “Everything you do is amazing.” Jihoon laughs awkwardly and keeps eating. Soonyoung takes another moment to recover after which he gets up and gathers all the dirty dishes to wash them while Jihoon finishes his food. He brings his bowl when he’s done and Soonyoung washes that as well while Jihoon waits for him, leaning on the counter nearby. When he finishes and wipes his hands dry he catches Jihoon watching him, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“What?” Soonyoung asks. 

“Nothing,” Jihoon shrugs and heads to the living room Soonyoung right behind him.

“Tell me!”

“It’s nothing, nothing!” Jihoon says again and is saved by Soonyoung’s phone vibrating in his pocket.

 

Wonwoo [00:40]: where are you?

Soonyoung [00:41]: shit sorry im at home!

Wonwoo [00:41]: alright ill be back in an hr or so

 

Soonyoung bites his lip and Jihoon raises a brow. “What is it?" 

“Wonwoo will only be back in an hour,” he grins wiggling his brows and Jihoon cringes.

“Ugh never do that again.” Soonyoung doesn’t listen and does it again throwing his phone on the armchair beside the couch. “That’s sooo unappealing,” Jihoon cringes throwing his head back onto the couch and Soonyoung keeps smiling silly as he grabs Jihoon’s hands to pull him up.

Despite the little tsundere attitude Jihoon comes off the couch easily and doesn’t refuse one bit when Soonyoung kisses him. “I’ve wanted to do this all night,” he whispers and Jihoon hums before leaning forward again. Their kisses this time have no slowness and it’s quick and  _so_ hot right away. They try to close every single space between them, Soonyoung’s hands in Jihoon’s hair and Jihoon’s fingers squeezing his waist. He can feel how much they’ve _both_ wanted it.

“God,” Soonyoung gasps when Jihoon’s hands dip below his shirt and run over his heated skin. “Can we go to the bedroom?” Jihoon nods and tries to separate but Soonyoung grabs him even tighter. “I’m not losing any time,” he breathes out and holds Jihoon’s waist as he leads him backwards towards his room, their lips never parting.

Once inside it’s only a few more steps until Jihoon is flat on his bed and Soonyoung is crawling above him. His hands quickly push up Jihoon’s shirt and after half a second Jihoon leans up to pull it off himself and Soonyoung does the same with his.

There’s barely any light in the bedroom. Some city lights come through the window and the pale living room lamp enters through the door, but even in the dimness Jihoon’s paleness is vivid and Soonyoung is enthralled by it letting his lips run down from Jihoon’s mouth to his neck and all over his torso. When his hands brush against his nipples, Jihoon lets out a moan and the tightness in Soonyoung’s pants begins to hurt.

“Did you just growl?” Jihoon laughs breathlessly. Instead of responding Soonyoung presses his hips down on Jihoon’s and Jihoon gasps as if understanding.

Soonyoung leans up on his elbows. “You keep pushing me away every time we go past kissing,” he says and Jihoon looks at him incredulously as if Soonyoung doesn’t realize their clothed boners are pressed against each other as he speaks. “Let me know if you want to stop.” Jihoon shakes his head pushing his hips up pointedly and Soonyoung closes his eyes moaning and leans down to kiss him again. He raises Jihoon’s knee and keeps grinding against him as they kiss until Jihoon can’t keep up with the kisses anymore and leans back on the pillow gasping, hands clutching Soonyoung’s shoulders.

Seeing Jihoon like that…Soonyoung can’t take it. He reaches for one of Jihoon’s hands and laces their fingers tightly together, Jihoon only briefly opening his eyes. He then kisses Jihoon’s lips and closed eyes and jaw and neck and quickens his pace against him all the while whispering, “You’re so good. You taste amazing. You _feel_ amazing. God, Jihoon, you- _Hhnng_!” It only takes them a few more minutes until Jihoon lets out a loud moan and Soonyoung follows quickly with a semblance of a growl against Jihoon’s neck.

He drops onto Jihoon after he’s done unsure if he can ever move again. The room is loud with their breathing and Soonyoung wonders how dirty it must’ve sounded just a minute ago.  

“Fuck,” Soonyoung sighs out. He definitely came but laying on Jihoon, their hands woven lazily together, makes him realize how not enough it was. Jihoon doesn’t respond vocally but raises his free hand to card through his hair while Soonyoung pecks his chin. “I could go again,” he says hopefully and Jihoon giggles.

“We’ll ruin our jeans.”

“Mmmhmm,” Soonyoung agrees leaning up to kiss Jihoon’s lips and unbutton his jeans. “Let’s do it without our jeans then.” Before Jihoon can answer they hear the entrance door unlock and stare in shock at Soonyoung’s open bedroom door.

Despite thinking two minutes ago that he’ll never stand again, Soonyoung rolls off the bed, runs to the door and shuts it. Loud.

“Soonyoung, you idiot!” Jihoon whispers furiously sitting up on the bed. He’s definitely panicking and Soonyoung, just as panicked, looks back at him and mouths _sorry_.

It takes less than ten seconds for Wonwoo to knock. “You there?” He calls through the door.

“I’m here!” He yells back.

“Alright, good night,” is all Wonwoo says and Soonyoung is sure Wonwoo knows Jihoon is in there with him and loves him more than ever for not mentioning it.

Once he hears the other door close Soonyoung goes back to the bed and sits on it smiling apologetically at Jihoon who seems eerily still.

“He knows I’m here,” Jihoon says and the amount of fear in his voice worries Soonyoung.

“Definitely.” Jihoon meets his eyes and then attempts to get up from the bed. Soonyoung quickly grabs his arm. “Stay.”

“If he already knows I shouldn’t push it. I’ll go.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Soonyoung doesn’t want to get annoyed but Jihoon’s stubbornness won’t cease. “Wonwoo wouldn’t want you walking home alone at almost two am.”

“I’ll call a cab.”

“Jihoon. Stay.” Soonyoung’s voice is final and Jihoon stills, looking at him like a deer in the headlights. “It’s just me,” Soonyoung whispers. “You don’t need to be worried.”

“You and Wonwoo. You and Wonwoo and Seungcheol.”

“We’re your friends, we care about you.”

“It’s not about that. The more people know the more people find out and I-“ He stops himself.

“Jihoon, no matter what I’ll always be there for you, you know that right?” Jihoon doesn’t answer until Soonyoung places a hand on his. “Jihoon? Do you trust me?” Jihoon nods easily but doesn’t look up. “You don’t need to be scared with me. I promise.”

Jihoon meets his eyes finally and nods. “Okay.”

“I really _really_ mean that. You’re my best friend above all else.”

“Okay,” he whispers.

“Okay,” Soonyoung repeats squeezing Jihoon’s hand. “Let’s switch clothes and go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Soonyoung repeats once more and feels a little lighter when a small incredulous chuckle escapes Jihoon's lips.

Soonyoung convinces him to first head to the bathroom. Soonyoung is sure Jihoon would've refused if the bathroom wasn't right by his room and across the living room from Wonwoo's bedroom. 

“Do you want to shower?” Soonyoung asks once they're inside and Jihoon frowns.

“If we shower twice he’ll definitely know there’s two people here.”

Soonyoung wants to say that Wonwoo is probably politely waiting in his room until they’re done to also use the bathroom before bed but he doesn’t want to remind Jihoon that Wonwoo knows. “We can shower together?” He says earning a flick on the shoulder from Jihoon. Soonyoung giggles. “Okay for real how about you rinse yourself then we switch without turning off the water?” Jihoon seems unsure over the idea but neither boy wants to sleep with dried pre cum in their crotches so he agrees.

Jihoon chooses to shower first while Soonyoung sneaks back into his room to bring a change of clothes. By the time he’s back Jihoon is done and Soonyoung expects him to come out but instead Jihoon stretches out his hand from behind the curtain for a towel. Soonyoung blushes handing it over to him and thinks how now that they’re hooking up it can't be casual seeing Jihoon naked.

When Jihoon climbs out of the bath, towel around his waist, Soonyoung bites his lip thinking how to undress and not get his clothes wet. He’s already shirtless and he takes off his pants too and asks Jihoon to turn away to take off his underwear.

“I didn’t think _you_ ’d be the one uncomfortable undressing,” Jihoon says reaching for the mouthwash.

“I don’t want _you_ to be uncomfortable!” Soonyoung says back and Jihoon shushes him.

He quickly takes off his underwear ignoring the fact that Jihoon can probably see him through the mirror and jumps in. He’s almost done with his shower when he hears the toilet flush. _Well,_ Soonyoung thinks, _Wonwoo definitely knows now._ After another rinse he turns off the water and asks Jihoon for the towel. There is no reply so he glances around the shower curtain and finds Jihoon gone.

When he’s back in his room after brushing his teeth and using the toilet he’s a little surprised to find Jihoon sitting on his bed. “I thought you’d run away while you can,” Soonyoung chuckles throwing Jihoon’s towel into the laundry basket and placing their clothes on his desk chair. 

“Still here,” Jihoon mutters. Soonyoung sits on the opposite side of the bed and decides not to mention the flushing incident.

“Let’s sleep?” He asks awkwardly.

“If Wonwoo knows now, shouldn’t I at least sleep on the couch?”

“Wonwoo won’t mention it, plus we don’t even know if he heard anything. If he sees you sleeping on the couch though… He won’t ignore that.” It’s a shit excuse but Soonyoung isn’t far off. It will be an open invitation for Wonwoo to question what Jihoon was doing at their apartment.

Instead of replying Jihoon lays down under the covers and Soonyoung does the same. They’re both nervous and quiet and Soonyoung can’t help but think how just twenty minutes ago everything was a little simpler. He thinks about Jihoon’s panic after Wonwoo showed up and all of the anxiety not only then, but ever since they started this… cleanse or whatever it has become. It’s starting to make a little sense where all this fear is coming from and Soonyoung realizes he knew less about Jihoon than he thought. He needs to talk to him, he thinks. Properly. Understand what Jihoon is  _really_  scared of despite already sensing the answer.

He turns over to Jihoon who is facing away, his back to Soonyoung and moves closer. Jihoon’s breathing is regular and Soonyoung doubts he would’ve fallen asleep that quickly. Despite the underlying tension, Soonyoung doesn’t shy from sneaking his arm over Jihoon’s waist to pull him close. “Good night,” he whispers, placing one small kiss on the back of Jihoon’s neck and Jihoon doesn’t pull away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeonghan and soonyoung have a talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for 100+ kuddos and all your comments, im bad at replying but they make me so happy so truly thank you!! 
> 
> heres a [song insp](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfNfN6BxNFU) for this chap!!

Soonyoung’s bed isn’t huge and he’s not used to sleeping with another person in it, so the night is a little rough as Soonyoung tries to find a comfortable spot. In the end it doesn't even matter since he gets woken up at six in the morning anyway just realize he forgot to close the curtains. His second thought upon having early morning sunshine on his face is, _wow Jihoon is still here?_ It’s stressful, he realizes then, to not know if he’ll wake up alone or with Jihoon still by his side and he figures it isn’t the bed size that caused the poor sleeping but just that fear alone.

He's curled up, his back to Soonyoung and even as Soonyoung gets up and shuffles to the window to close the blinds, Jihoon remains peacefully asleep. Despite Soonyoung's anxiety, just that is enough solace for him.

Once the curtains are closed, Soonyoung climbs back into bed for some more sleep but by eight he gives up and leaves the room for some water and food. He has a bowl of cereal and chews his food absentmindedly deciding if he feels like trying to sleep again or just starting his day already. He’d go to the dance studio but he can’t leave Jihoon alone in his bed so he decides to play some PS4 until he wakes up. He uses the headset to not make any noise and just as he’s about to give up after continuously losing for seventeen rounds, Wonwoo’s door opens and he walks out, yawning.

“Hey,” he says, immediately checking the TV. “Fortnite?”

“I didn’t want to ruin your progress in that other game,” Soonyoung explains as he takes off the headset. “I can’t fucking play this, though, I couldn’t get past fifty people.”

Wonwoo stares at him for a moment. “That’s just sad.” Soonyoung pouts but doesn’t disagree and starts a new game while Wonwoo makes his way to the bathroom. In a few minutes he’s back and sitting cross-legged on the couch next to Soonyoung.

“There’s an enemy to the left,” he says smoothly and the next second Soonyoung’s avatar is eliminated. He’s 67th place. 

“I hate you,” he mutters and hands Wonwoo the remote ignoring his best friend's teasing grin. 

Wonwoo starts his game and Soonyoung watches Wonwoo’s expert play with an obvious scowl. Only when there are ten players left does one of them speak. “Is he still here?” Wonwoo asks, distracting Soonyoung from his self-pitying.

“Are you trying to impress me with your multitasking?” Wonwoo shrugs killing another player swiftly. “He’s still sleeping,” Soonyoung adds, voice lower.

“Did I interrupt something last night?”

Soonyoung swallows, blushing. “No, we were finished.” Wonwoo doesn’t reply to that and Soonyoung doesn’t blame him. He’s not sure what he’d reply to that either. There’s only three players left in the game, Wonwoo one of them, but Soonyoung doesn’t really care if he’s distracting him. “Please don’t mention seeing him.”

“I won’t if he doesn’t first,” Wonwoo promises killing a player, now only two left.

Soonyoung gapes at the screen. “I can’t believe you just come here and-“ Wonwoo kills the other player and is declared winner. “I hate you,” Soonyoung says again and his best friend smirks at him handing back the controller. “As if I’m going to play after that,” Soonyoung pouts refusing to take it and getting up from the couch. He glances at the clock on the wall and it’s already almost eleven so he decides it’s a good idea to go check up on Jihoon. Wonwoo doesn’t say anything upon realizing where Soonyoung’s off to and starts a new game. 

The inside of his room is dark and stuffy when Soonyoung returns, and he blushes at the smell of something more intimate underneath it. He opens the window to let some air in, careful not to move the curtains too wide.

It’s a bit of an awkward situation, he thinks, hanging out here while Jihoon is deep asleep. He stands by the windowsill for a few minutes debating what to do about it. He could go out to the living room and keep gaming with Wonwoo, or lay in bed and watch stupid shows on his laptop until Jihoon wakes up. He thinks he’s tired of losing to Wonwoo in Fortnite and grabs his laptop before climbing onto his side of the bed and loading up that one Shinee variety show he's been planning on watching.

Soonyoung uses earphones, but some of his laughs seep through. It doesn't seem to be an issue, however, since Jihoon doesn’t stir through any of the noise. It’s quite impressive, Soonyoung thinks. The entire morning, he has remained curled up and unmoving on his side of the bed and Soonyoung almost wishes to stir him a little so Jihoon possibly turns over and cuddles up to him.

 _You’re hopeless_ , he thinks, and binge watches random dance videos for choreography inspiration to distract himself. Usually, on a free Sunday he’d call up friends, go to the dance studio, but staying in bed is also nice. He just never expected he’d have Jihoon sleeping by his side like this.

Jihoon only starts to wake up close to one which is great for Soonyoung since he’s starting to grow very hungry. He remains patient and doesn’t bother him as he turns over onto his back and rubs his eyes. He then stretches his arms over his head, fists bending against the headrest. Fuck, he thinks, it's _so_ cute. Soonyoung wants to say hi but decides to wait until Jihoon at least opens his eyes. He puts his laptop on the bedside table and gets up from the bed to open the blinds. 

JIhoon groans immediately, hands quickly covering his face. “What time is it?” He asks, voice muffled.

“Almost one.” Jihoon sighs and turns away from the window, after a moment he’s still again. This time Soonyoung whines as he comes up to the bed to shake Jihoon’s shoulder. “Jihooonie, please get up I’m so hungry.”

“So go eat,” Jihoon mumbles into the pillow.

“I want to eat with you!”

“Ugh," he groans.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“I just woke up.” Soonyoung pouts and opens his door to see if Wonwoo is still there. When he doesn’t see him he gets his phone he abandoned last night and checks his notifications.

 

Jeonghan [00:11]: let me know when youre free we need to talk

 

Seokmin [00:21]: damn hyungg at least say bye next time!! text me if u wanan hang out tomorrow

Seokmin [11:26]: hyuuuuuung are u alive

 

Wonwoo [12:34]: jun is dragging me and minghao to some instagram cafe text us if u wanna join

Wonwoo [12:35]: invite /him/ too :)

 

Mom [12:47]: Sweetheart good morning! We’ll drive up to Seoul August 24th, Channie has orientation on the 28th so we’ll only stay for a few nights! We don’t mind getting a hotel, but let us know if Jihoon-ah doesn’t mind us staying at his, thank you sweetie! Please call more often we miss you!!! – always your eomma

 

Soonyoung smiles at the last one. He doesn’t have the heart to tell his mom she doesn’t have to sign her name after every text, but it’s honestly endearing. He ignores Jeonghan but texts back Wonwoo for now telling him he’ll check with Jihoon. He decides he’ll bring Seokmin along if he goes.

He goes back to the room and finds Jihoon still sprawled, but at least he’s awake scrolling on his phone. It’s strange how casual everything is despite it being so awkward before going to sleep. Soonyoung guesses they’re both trying hard to soften the situation.

“Wonwoo invited us to come along to some Instagram café Jun found, wanna join?” He asks opening his closet to find something to wear. “He’s not home, by the way.” 

Jihoon doesn’t comment on that but agrees to go. “It’s Cheol’s birthday today,” he adds, running a hand across his face. “I’m such a dumbass, no wonder he threw that party last night.”

“Oh shit... I totally forgot,” Soonyoung feels just as shit for forgetting. “Did he text you about it?”

“No,” he sits up. “Jeonghan scolded me for not staying till twelve.” Then he looks at Soonyoung, first time since he woke up. “I’ll probably go see him later.”

“That’s fine,” Soonyoung tells him. He wonders briefly if Jeonghan’s text was also about ‘not staying till twelve’, but somehow it doesn't feel like it's just that.

“I think I’ll call him quickly if that’s okay.” Soonyoung nods.

“No worries,” he gives him a smile and thumbs up and leaves to get ready in the bathroom.

He chooses to wear shorts and a t-shirt because it’s August and Seoul is burning. Before coming back to his room he brushes his teeth, rinses his face, and puts on sunscreen. Minghao loves to remind everyone of sunscreen now Soonyoung can never forget it.

“Ok, I’ll see you then,” he hears Jihoon say when he comes back. “Happy birthday,” he says before hanging up.

“Did you wish him happy birthday from me?”

Jihoon raises a brow. “Was I supposed to?”

“No, but I’ll have to call now.”

“You should call anyway,” Jihoon points out and Soonyoung looks away, a little ashamed. 

“You’re right…” They’re quiet for half a minute before Jihoon gets up and flicks Soonyoung when he passes him.

“God, cheer up, what’s with you?” He doesn’t wait for an answer as he heads out of the room and leaves Soonyoung alone to rub his injured forehead. What’s with him? _What’s with him?_ They’re about to go meet their friends at some random pretty coffee shop while it’s forty degrees Celsius outside and Jihoon only has cum-stained tight jeans to wear, which are not only gross right now but simply not at all fitting for this weather. _That’s_ what’s with him. Has Jihoon really not considered any of this at all?

He opens his closet to find some shorter shorts which will probably be a good size on Jihoon, a shirt and underwear too. When Jihoon comes back, Soonyoung offers the clothes to him.

“You'll boil in those jeans," Soonyoung says simply, despite them both knowing that's not the only reason he shouldn't wear those pants right now. Jihoon takes the clothes wordlessly and Soonyoung goes to the kitchen to give him some privacy. He makes himself coffee as he waits and texts Seokmin to join them and then Wonwoo telling him the three of them will be coming. Afterwards he dials Seungcheol before he forgets.

“Yooo~” Seungcheol answers cheerfully.

“Hyung! Happy birthday~!” He singsongs, hearing Cheol laugh on the line.

“Thanks buddy.”

“Sorry I didn’t stay till midnight, but I hope you have a great day today. I really wish I had told you properly face to face.” 

“No worries, Jihoon told me you weren’t feeling well.” Soonyoung clears his throat.

“Right.” Soonyoung frowns. Jihoon could’ve mentioned a cover story. “But don’t worry I’m better now.”

“You can’t be mixing alcohol, Soonyoung! It messes with your stomach! Come on, you’re almost a senior, you gotta know these things," Seungcheol's little lecture loses its seriousness with his laugh sprinkled through.  

“I know, hyung!” Soonyoung whines making Seungcheol laugh again. “I think I had some bad ramyeon or something.”

“Damn... Well really, don’t worry about it! I hope you're feeling better and thank you for calling regardless,” his smile can be heard over the phone, if that’s even possible, and Soonyoung thinks for Cheol it very well might be. “I’ll be having dinner with Jeonghan and Jihoon tonight, you’re welcome to come along if you want! If your stomach is up to it, that is.”

Soonyoung wants to agree but he feels out of place and guilty just at the prospect of it. “I don’t want to impose…” He says honestly and Seungcheol lets out an incredulous laugh.

“Don’t be ridiculous! I was thinking of inviting you and Wonwoo anyway, Jeonghan wanted to call up Seokmin too. So seriously, the invite is totally open!”

“Thanks, hyung,” Soonyoung chuckles. “I’ll see if I can make it.”

“Great!” Seungcheol exclaims happily just as Jihoon comes into his kitchen in _his_ clothes and takes a sip out of _his_ coffee. Soonyoung can’t stop staring at him despite Jihoon blatantly scrolling on his phone, ignoring him. “Soonyoung?” 

Said boy clears his throat. “Yeah, sorry, I’ll let you know if I’m coming.”

“Awesome, see you later big boy! Don’t forget to think about what we talked about last night!” Soonyoung lets out a surprised laugh but before he can answer, Seungcheol hangs up.

“Done with your dongsaeng duties?” Jihoon's voice is mocking as he looks up. “Your coffee is disgustingly sweet by the way.”

Soonyoung pouts taking his coffee back. “Then you don’t have to drink it!” Jihoon smirks, shrugging. “Seungcheol invited me to dinner.”

“Cool,” he says coolly and Soonyoung frowns. 

“That’s it?"

Jihoon looks at him, brow raised. “What do you want me to say?” Soonyoung stares at him wordlessly making Jihoon sigh. “Listen, we’re all friends and he wants you there for his birthday, don’t make this into a larger deal than it is.”

“Okay, then maybe I’ll go,” Soonyoung says taking a sip of his coffee and Jihoon shrugs. 

“Sure. Should we head out?” Soonyoung stares at him for another second before taking a few long sips of his coffee. He then offers the cup to Jihoon who finishes it while Soonyoung grabs his wallet from his room and sits down by the door to put on his shoes.

“Wow,” he says when his sneakers are on and Jihoon comes up from behind. “Your shoes are here.” Jihoon is still for a moment before sitting down next to him and putting on his shoes without replying. Soonyoung chews on his lip, feeling bad. He didn’t mean to turn the atmosphere awkward again, they were doing pretty well up until now. He raises his hand to rub Jihoon’s neck, maybe that’ll help but his hand hovers behind him before dropping once again by his side. Jihoon probably doesn’t need that. Just because Soonyoung is constantly desperate for some sort of physical connection to make up for the lack of an emotional one doesn’t mean Jihoon wants that…. It doesn’t mean that at all.

Soonyoung gets up pocketing his phone and wallet and takes out his keys from the lock. Before they can leave Jihoon mutters something about his clothes. “Don’t worry about it,” Soonyoung says. “I’ll wash and return them, no problem. Are these clothes okay?”

“They’re good, thank you,” he says exiting the apartment after Soonyoung and Soonyoung is strangely aware that they're both thinking about the underwear. 

 

♫

  
The coffee shop is somewhere in Myeongdong and Soonyoung doesn’t really enjoy going there on the weekend, but he guesses they have to do something with their day anyway. They meet with Seokmin at the train station and only while on the subway does Soonyoung remember his mother’s text.

“Oh!” He exclaims despite Seokmin and Jihoon discussing some music theory stuff. They both look at him, confused. “My mom asked if they can still borrow your apartment for a few days at the end of August. Only if it’s okay!”

Jihoon nods. “Of course, I haven’t forgotten.”

“You can stay with me,” Soonyoung offers quickly to which Jihoon slightly recoils. “You can take the couch… Or I’ll take the couch!” 

"We can talk about it later, okay?” His brows are raised in a “shut up before you say something stupid” gesture and Soonyoung replies with an awkward smile.

“Hyung! Is your little brother coming finally?” Seokmin pipes up. “I’m so excited to meet Channie~”

“You’ve met him before,” Soonyoung reminds him.

“Yeah! But only on FaceTime, that doesn't count!” The conversation is swiftly taken over with the topic of Soonyoung’s brother until it’s replaced with ‘where the fuck is this coffee shop’ and the three spend twenty minutes walking around the neighborhood trying to find it.

By the time they find the café, they’re sweaty and exhausted and Minghao doesn’t let them have their food until he takes his Instagram pictures. They hang out there until late afternoon and walk around the neighborhood taking some outfit of the day pictures for Minghao and Jun while Wonwoo tries filming with the camera his family got him last month for his birthday. 

“How’s that coming along, by the way?” Soonyoung asks, walking alongside him.

“Well, I’ve filmed a lot,” Wonwoo admits, getting a little flustered. “But the editing part… I’ve been procrastinating.”

“You’ll get there buddy,” Soonyoung pats his back in support and Wonwoo nods appreciatively.

“At least the filming part has been fun.”

“That’s important! Keep going, I might ask you to film my shows later this year.”

“You got it.”

“Oh my god!” Soonyoung exclaims suddenly. “What if you filmed some music videos for Woozi!”

“Okay,” Wonwoo chuckles. “Soonyoung. Let’s slow down a little.”

“Let that be your motivation!” Soonyoung urges him. “Jihoon!”

Jihoon who's walking ahead with Seokmin looking at his new Yugioh cards, looks over his shoulder briefly. “What?”

“If Wonwoo gets really good would you let him film a music video for you?” Soonyoung asks making Jihoon look over his shoulder for a few moments longer to glance thoughtfully at Wonwoo. 

“Sure.”

Soonyoung grins at a bashful Wonwoo. “See? Motivation!”

“You’re so loud about everything, how do you stay so quiet about _him?_ ” Wonwoo seems genuinely impressed and it’s Soonyoung’s turn to be flustered.

“Why did that even have to come up?” He whispers at him. “We’re in public!” Wonwoo smirks at him, going back to filming something their surroundings with his camera.

After a while Jun and Minghao leave. Minghao wants to see some fashion exhibit and Jun will follow the boy like a puppy anywhere. The other four decide to go to the Seungcheol’s birthday dinner after all. 

The dinner goes by more or less smoothly. They discuss Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s jobs, how Joshua is doing back in LA, the classes everyone's taking next year. It’s nice and all but Soonyoung is terribly distracted and uncomfortable the entire time. He sits between Wonwoo and Jihoon with the other three on the opposite side and through the dinner he can’t decide if Jihoon sitting next to him instead of Seungcheol is for better or worse.

He thinks it’s better because occasionally their knees will brush, or shoulders will touch, and it sends pleasant little electricity up Soonyoung’s legs and arms. Better because Jihoon is by _his_ side and all of Soonyoung’s little possessive quirks are tamed. Better because they’re simply next to each other and Soonyoung thinks even that is enough for him.

But it’s worse, he thinks, because Jihoon ignores him. Worse because every time they accidentally touch Jihoon retracts from him. Worse because Wonwoo is on his other side and he _knows_ and sees every little detail. Worse because Seungcheol winks at Soonyoung to remind him of last night’s conversation and Jihoon definitely notices. Worse because last night’s conversation reminds Soonyoung of last night grinding against Jihoon and – oh god he needs to take a cold shower when he gets home. 

Luckily Seungcheol has drinking plans with some new coworkers and the dinner is cut short. Before they separate, Soonyoung almost wants to ask Jihoon to hang out but Jeonghan interrupts him.

“Hey there my second favorite dongsaeng,” his smile is thin and terrifying, enough that Soonyoung takes a step back. He never did reply back to his text.

“Mingyu is your second favorite dongsaeng,” Soonyoung replies warily.

"Hyung!" Seokmin butts in. "I'm the first then?” He's smiling cheekily and Jeonghan pushes his head away.

“Seokmin-ah, I need to have a talk alone with Soonyoung." Seokmin salutes him, understanding. 

“I’ll be out of your way then, hyung! Text me when you want to have dinner this week!" 

“Want me to wait for you?” Wonwoo asks overhearing the conversation.

“No, it’s fine thanks,” Soonyoung smiles, glancing over to Jihoon who’s looking suspiciously between him and Jeonghan. Soonyoung wants to say something to him but before he can Jeonghan grabs his arm and leads them away from the restaurant.

“It was nice seeing you boys!” He calls over his shoulder, their replies fading behind them. “Now, now Soonyoung,” Jeonghan grins, but the smile isn’t warm at all. “You know how much I hate being ignored... First last week's drama, then you showed up two hours late to my party, and this morning you didn't even reply."

Soonyoung swallows not knowing what to say. He goes with the safe option. “I’m sorry?”

Jeonghan raises one of his perfect brows. “Are you asking me if you’re sorry?” 

“No! No, of course not… I’m _telling_ you I’m sorry. I’m apologizing,” Soonyoung’s smile is sheepish and Jeonghan watches him a second longer before sighing. He leads them into some café they happen to pass and makes Soonyoung buy him a drink.

“I want the iced peach tea with honey bubbles, no sugar,” he says after looking at the menu for a whole minute and getting the same drink he always does anyway. “I’ll go find us a seat.”

Soonyoung wants to cry a little spending his tiny earnings on overpriced tea but he guesses that’s what he deserves for past few weeks. For himself he gets the regular green iced tea. Thankfully it’s almost 2,000 won cheaper. 

“So hyung," he says, sitting down in front of Jeonghan and handing him his drink. “What did you want to talk about?”

Jeonghan takes a sip first. “It’s not like you to forget Seungcheol’s birthday,” he says. “Or anyone’s birthday. It’s not like you to be so late and careless and not text anyone for weeks,” he pauses taking another sip, Soonyoung wriggling in his seat. “What’s going on with you?”

Soonyoung’s hyungs are all very different. There’s Seungcheol who he met through Jihoon, naturally, since they basically grew up together. Seungcheol is funny and charming and someone Soonyoung can be silly with despite being a hyung. He’s the older brother he never had, but he isn't someone who could easily discuss personal issues. Joshua is great, too. But oftentimes he feels less like a hyung, more like a good friend, a good friend who can teach him dumb pick up lines in English and take him to the cool burger joints around Seoul. But Jeonghan… He was the hyung Soonyoung could really talk to. Even if he didn’t feel like he had to speak to someone, Jeonghan would sense it miles ahead. Soonyoung suspects if he wanted to talk to someone he’d go to Seungcheol out of comfort, but if he really wanted to figure things out he'd go to Jeonghan.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he says but his voice is weak and unconvincing.

Jeonghan sighs, putting down his drink on his knee. “You know about Cheol and Jihoon?”

Soonyoung is glad he’s not drinking his tea cause it would’ve definitely sprayed all over the table. “What?!”

Jeonghan chuckles airily. “I saw you and Cheol going for a talk yesterday, I assumed he told you.”

“No!” Soonyoung exclaims and Jeonghan has to raise a finger to his mouth for Soonyoung to quiet down. "I mean-” he clears his throat lowering his voice. “No, he didn’t tell me… Jihoon did.” 

That seems to surprise Jeonghan. “If anything I would’ve expected Cheol to tell you-“ Jeonghan pauses as if understanding something. “Wow,” he says grinning as he takes a sip of his tea. “Well, my second suspicions are probably right then. Tell me what's been going on in your love life?"

Soonyoung lays his head in his hands and groans. “Please just drop it,” he begs. “Nothing interesting is happening with me! I'm busy. Camp is tiring. Kids are tiring. I’m just… tired.”

“Is someone else tiring you too?” Jeonghan asks, teasing and Soonyoung head shoots up. 

“Jeonghan! I’m serious,” he knows he’s glaring rudely but it just makes Jeonghan laugh harder. Soonyoung takes his own tea and sips angrily.

“Don’t be so pouty,” Jeonghan is smirking now and Soonyoung ignores him. “Wow I’ve never seen you so angry at me or anyone really… That boy’s really got to you, huh.”

“ _That boy_ is my best friend,” Soonyoung defends. “And he’s incredibly uncomfortable about this already so please… Drop it.” He almost winces knowing he’s let something slip up but Jeonghan’s eyes soften and he politely ignores the mistake.

“Can I tell you a little story?” Jeonghan doesn’t really wait for a reply before continuing. “I caught Jihoon at our place once back when he was hooking up with Cheol.” Soonyoung’s mouth hangs open. Jihoon didn’t mention anyone else knowing about their relationship. “He doesn’t know I saw him, Cheol doesn’t know either. We never discussed it…” It’s Jeonghan’s turn to turn uncomfortable and he toys with his straw before going on. “They were really careful, I had no idea what was going on, I only found out because Seungcheol kissed him before he left while I was going to the bathroom. I’m pretty sure that’s the only time he stayed over, too-“ He stops abruptly, probably because he noticed Soonyoung’s face. Soonyoung wasn’t really sure how much he was showing but it was probably not anything pleasant. A kiss goodbye? He could barely get Jihoon to look at him this morning. Of course a three month hook up versus a three week one will be a little different but… “Soonyoung?” Jeonghan says softly nudging his knee.

Soonyoung clears his throat. “Yeah, sorry, go on.”

Jeonghan’s eyes almost seem worried but it flashes so quick Soonyoung might as well have made it up. “Point is, that was the only time I knew of anything happening. And I _know_ people Soonyoung. I especially know people close to me and I’ve known you for a very long time, but I've known Seungcheol and Jihoon for even longer. I couldn’t tell when they started hooking up or when they stopped, there was zero change…” He pauses, placing his elbow onto the table and his head in the palm of his hand. “I knew about you and Jihoon as soon Jihoon texted us about where he disappeared off to last month.”

Soonyoung swallows. “What did he text you?”

“’With Soonyoung’. Only that in the entire time he spent at your place, the same text to both me and Seungcheol.” 

“You can’t tell anything from that,” Soonyoung says weakly. 

“Soonyoung want me to tell you something you haven't realized yet since you’re so endearingly stupid sometimes?”

“More than Seokmin?” 

“Nobody can be as endearingly stupid as Seokmin, but nice try.”

“Fine,” Soonyoung chuckles, feeling slightly lighter. “What is it?”

“Jihoon is obsessed with you.”

Soonyoung lets out a loud laugh. “Did you and Seungcheol plan this?”

“We’ve discussed that you two are probably going to end up together,” he says casually but Soonyoung’s cheeks burn from the words.

“Even Seungcheol really thinks so? Is he not… I don’t know, jealous?”

Jeonghan is taking a sip and puts his drink down slowly. “Seungcheol and Jihoon have a very long friendship, there are lots of connections there that I cannot truly understand or relate to despite how long I've known them. I’m sure on some level you know what I mean,” he says pointedly and Soonyoung immediately thinks of Wonwoo and Mingyu, nodding. “I’ve known Seungcheol for all of high school but I only met Jihoon in our last year. He was like this mysterious entity but also a huge part of Seungcheol’s life. They’re really important to each other.” Soonyoung wants to let him know that these facts aren’t helping his current jealous state but he takes a sip of his tea instead. “The way Jihoon behaves around you is entirely different from Seungcheol or anyone else, Soonyoung. He’s fascinated with you.”

“He hates me most of the time,” Soonyoung mutters and Jeonghan takes a sip of his tea and shrugs.

“You know that’s not true.” Soonyoung knows. But he’s not sure he can fully convince himself that Jihoon is _fascinated_ with him.

Soonyoung debates for a moment if he should confess something and Jeonghan can sense it so he stays quiet, waiting patiently. “Jihoon told me he doesn’t want to lose me as his best friend. Is it because of what happened with him and Seungcheol?”

Jeonghan takes a sip, as if considering it. His tea is almost finished but Soonyoung’s not even half way through with his. He quickly takes a sip, he can't waste any money from this. “They haven’t really been best friends since Jihoon met you… You shouldn’t compare your relationship with Jihoon to theirs, Soonyoung, they had different circumstances.”

Soonyoung lets go of his straw “What circumstances?”

“I think Seungcheol was lonely,” Jeonghan admits. “Me with Joshua… You and Jihoon… I don’t think his plan was hooking up with anyone but I think it helped.” Jeonghan clears his throat quickly. “Anyway, this isn’t the point of the conversation. I just wanted you to understand that sacrificing everything around you for a relationship that isn’t even really a relationship yet is rude. Ignoring your friends is rude, even if you’re in a bad mood, your friends are there for you. We’re your friends for a reason, got it?” Soonyoung nods automatically. “If you ever need to talk to me about things… let me know. I thought I’d just have Mingyu to deal with but you were an interesting an unexpected surprise,” he admits. “And don't worry I won’t be bothering Jihoon about this, he’ll close off tight enough that none of us will be able to crack him open.” He takes a last sip from his cup and it makes the ice crackle loudly. “And never be late to one of my parties again. You’re not the only one going through a tough time.” 

Soonyoung sucks in his lips, guilty. He knows Jeonghan and Joshua have been together since second year of university. They were inseparable and now Joshua moved abroad… 

“Are you going to visit him?” Soonyoung asks carefully and Jeonghan shrugs.

“Let’s save this conversation for another time, alright Soonyoung?” He says getting up. “I'm FaceTiming him in twenty minutes and I’d like to do that from my room, if you know what I mean,” he winks and Soonyoung shoots up, blushing.

“No problem, hyung,” he says with a tiny bow. “Thank you for your time.”

Jeonghan chuckles walking with Soonyoung out of the cafe. “Don’t be so flustered, there are some perks to long distance relationships and there really aren’t too many so we must savor them.” Soonyoung nods, filing all the valuable information Jeonghan’s giving him into some distant part of his brain. “Don’t ignore me again,” Jeonghan warns him once they’re about to separate to go their own ways. “And if you need some more proof to stop worrying, Jihoon actually _forgot_ about Seungcheol’s birthday last night, because he wanted to leave with you. They’ve known each other since they’re kids, Seungcheol tried not to show it but he was quite surprised about it last night… Anyway, maybe it’ll put things in perspective for you.” With that he gives Soonyoung a kiss on each cheek and waves goodbye, leaving him in the middle of the street with his watered down green iced tea and a stupid smile on his face.

Soonyoung should go home, he thinks, but he’s close enough to someone else’s place that he doesn’t mind taking a detour, especially after that entire conversation he just had. He considers going to the apartment, but it’s only ten forty at night and if Jihoon hasn’t been at the studio the entire weekend. He’ll definitely be there now.

Within ten minutes Soonyoung has entered the music building, the guard recognizing him as usual, and takes the elevator up to Jihoon’s floor. He doesn’t hear any music outside of the studio but it doesn’t really mean anything since Jihoon usually works with headphones. Still, he knocks a few times just to be sure. When there’s no reply he tries opening the door and finds it unlocked.

The light from the hallway enters the dark room, and as expected, Jihoon swivels around in his chair as he pulls off his headphones.

“Soonyou-?” Before he can finish Soonyoung is already in front of him, grabbing his face and kissing him. Jihoon stiffens from the surprise but after a few seconds he relaxes into the kiss laying his hands on Soonyoung's wrists and when Soonyoung’s tongue runs over his lips, Jihoon opens his mouth easily. The kiss is intense and only lasts about a minute before Soonyoung pulls away grinning.

 “I’ll see you later this week, yeah Jihoonie?” Jihoon gapes at him as Soonyoung walks backwards out of the studio. “Work hard!”

“What the fuck-“ Soonyoung closes the door before Jihoon can finish and runs to the elevator feeling more exhilarated than ever. Jihoon’s studio door opens as he presses the elevator button. “Soonyoung!” He calls after him as the elevator doors open. “What was that about?” He tries to sound angry, but he’s just confused and Soonyoung grins again waving bye as the doors close. “What did you and Jeonghan talk about-?!”

Soonyoung laughs feeling silly and isn't surprised when his phone starts vibrating as soon as he’s outside. 

“Jihoonie~” He says, still grinning. “Don’t overthink it! I just wanted to give you a goodnight kiss.”

“I don’t need goodnight kisses, I need explanations!” Jihoon isn’t screaming but he’s rarely this agitated so he might as well be. 

“But I just gave you one,” Soonyoung replies and JIhoon groans through the receiver. 

“I’m serious, what did you two talk about?”

 “It wasn’t about you, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Soonyoung defends hearing Jihoon let out an incredulous laugh.

“That’s why you barge into my studio right after to kiss me?”

“I missed you!”

“We spent the entire day together!” 

“Not like this!” There’s a pause and Soonyoung knows he crossed the line so he quickly diverts the conversation. “He was mad at me for yesterday so I was scolded a bit. Then we talked about Joshua and him, I think that’s why he wanted to see me. He’s probably lonely.”

“And he couldn’t see Seokmin for that?” _Wow_ , Soonyoung smirks, _and I’m the possessive one?_

“He probably wanted someone more mature for that type of conversation,” Soonyoung says confidently.

“And _you’re_ mature?”

“Hey! I’m more mature than Seokmin.”

Jihoon pauses. “Okay that might be true... But still, I don’t buy it.”

“Well you don’t need to buy it. It’s none of your business really,” Soonyoung knows that was too harsh as soon as he says it.

“Hm,” Jihoon’s voice sounds cold even in that one syllable. “I guess it isn’t.”

They’re quiet for a moment, Soonyoung has now reached his building but stays by the entrance knowing the conversation will seize as soon as he gets into the elevator. “Jihoon?” 

"What?”

“Is it so bad if I just wanted to give you a kiss?” 

Jihoon takes a second too long to answer. “Goodnight, Soonyoung.”

“Goodnight, Jihoon.” They hang up and Soonyoung thinks he should feel somewhat upset, but he’s feeling… okay. Jihoon needs time, he’s starting to realize that. After this weekend, all the conversation with his hyungs and Jihoon’s reaction last night, he doesn’t want to push anything too much, but he wants things to move forward too.

At home, Wonwoo is in the living room on his laptop and waves hello when Soonyoung walks in.

“How was your talk?”

“Jeonghan thinks Jihoon is obsessed with me,” Soonyoung says casually and Wonwoo looks over at him, corners of his mouth tilting down as if he’s impressed.

“Jeonghan’s rarely wrong.” False. Jeonghan is never wrong. Maybe that’s a good thing.

“I’m going to sleep.”

“Of course, after your tiring weekend.”

“Goodnight Wonwoo!” He calls back ignoring Wonwoo’s deep cackle

He gets ready for bed and finally lays down, sighing. For the first time in two nights, goes to sleep alone. 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in between chap sorta.. a little nsfw... : )

There are only two weeks left until orientation and the start of the semester. That’s not good news to anyone but especially not for Soonyoung, Jun and Minghao who have to put up an end of the camp session performance and then host a boot camp for the dance majors the week after. In other words, it’s hell.

The last week of camp finishes at regular time except for Wednesday and Thursday which are dance rehearsals so they run slightly later. It’s safe to say that Soonyoung has no time to see or talk to anybody that week. The only person he sees outside of the kids, Jun and Minghao is Wonwoo, and even then only briefly. The most upsetting about all of this is that by Friday the last time he spoke properly with Jihoon was on Sunday. Other than that their only conversation was on Tuesday and it went like this:

 

Jihoon [13:33]: hey

 

Soonyoung [15:21]: HI IM SORRY IM SO BUSY

 

Jihoon [15:25] : it’s ok

Jihoon [15:28]: want to get ribs tonight?

Jihoon [17:31]: ?

 

Soonyoung [18:54]: fuck im sorry I just got off

Soonyoung [18:54]: god im so sorry this kid got sick so his parents don’t want him to perform on friday now I need to change the entire choreography

Soonyoung [18:55]: and the costume person didn’t deliver the costumes today and said they'll only be ready thursay

Soonyoung [18:55]: THURSSDAY??? THE PERFORMANCE IS FRIDAY NOON

Soonyoung [18:56]: ufkc and then this mom comes in asking why her kid isn’t in the front for the dance

Soonyoung [18:56]: WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SYA?????

Soonyoung [18:56]: ur kid isn’t good enough ma’am

Soonyoung [18:56]: GAAAAAAH

 

Jihoon [18:57]: breathe soonyoung

 

Soonyoung [18:57]: this isn’t even dress hrhearsal yet so kids with the stageffright haven’t happened yet and juns been running behind hao like a puppy instead of concentrating I think he’s going through some shit but frankly it doesn't interest me right now

Soonyoung [18:58]: at least minghaos helping my only fuckin hope hes so good at calming down the children thank god

 

Jihoon [18:59]: u want to meet and talk about it?

 

Soonyoung [18:59]: I cant I spent the last hr yelling at the art student abt the costumes now I gotta rearrange choreo im so sorry im w hao and jun rn we’re trying to fix it  
Soonyoung [19:00]: it's the last show of th summer so it's a pretty big one plus I wasn't here last show .. I just really need to focus on this for the next few days

 

Jihoon [19:03]: aight let me know when ure free

 

Soonyoung [19:04]: jihoooonie im sorry ><

 

Jihoon [19:04]: it’s fine this is important to you

 

Soonyoung [19:05]: come to the show friday? I’ll get u a free ticket

 

Jihoon [19:05]: isn’t it a free show?

 

Soonyoung [19:05]: only for friends and family

 

Jihoon [19:05]: what am I then?

 

Soonyoung [19:06]: you really want me to answer that? :P

 

Jihoon [19:15]: ill be there

 

As expected the dress rehearsals are hell. Since the kids are in elementary school, they’re dramatic and nervous and Soonyoung tries his best to console each one of them who needs it.

“Why don’t I remember the first show being this hard?” He sighs while the kids are changing out of their costumes, the practice finally over. He slides down onto the floor and Jun slides down next to him, throwing an arm over his shoulders. 

“Have you realized Lisa noona has barely helped us in the last few weeks?” Lisa is their senior overseer, basically the main counselor of elementary school group. Soonyoung feels like he’s barely spoken to her especially in this last week. She’s always just watching from the side. “I think they’re going to pick you as the captain next year.”

Soonyoung scoffs at that. “Nah.”

“Soonyoung,” Jun flicks the back of his head. “It’s either you or me, and we all know I’m not a leader type.” Even Minghao who’s a few steps away helping unzip someone’s costume agrees with that. 

“They’re checking if you can handle it,” he pitches in. 

“I don’t want to handle it,” Soonyoung whines. “I’m tired. I want to  _sleep_.” 

“No need to play cool,” Jun snatches Soonyoung into a headlock. “We all know you want it, you dumb humble fool! We all want you as captain anyway. We’ve been waiting for it since last year.” 

“But Jimin was great,” Soonyoung defends.

“He was, of course… But you are more  _fiery_. You really have the power to get people motivated and fired up! Kwonfiyaaaaa!” Jun grins shaking him a little. “You know? Even last year we all looked up to you a lot.” 

“Why are you talking like you aren’t the same age as me…” 

“Because he’s a child,” Minghao says simply and walks away to help some other kids. 

“I  _am_  pretty childish, aren’t I?” Jun says making a face and then chuckles. “I couldn’t be a leader, I’m okay with that.”

Soonyoung sucks in his lips and chews on them, thinking over all this. He won’t lie that this realization makes him incredibly giddy and he can’t help but smile cheekily. “Kwon leader~” he giggles and Jun gives him a supportive pat on the back.

 

♫

 

The show goes too well considering how much of a mess the last few days were. It’s the end of camp session where all age groups perform and the elementary school kids perform second after the preschoolers (who simply twirl and bounce around in tutus and Soonyoung doesn’t want to be rude to his own kids but it's always his favorite performance) and then once again at the end, which is really just a cheap way to get parents to stay for the whole show.

The performances are great, there are a few missteps but Soonyoung expected them with all the last minute changes. During the bows the kids call over Soonyoung, Minghao and Jun and give them each a huge bouquet of flowers that they (their parents) had all pitched in for. It’s incredibly heartwarming. Soonyoung may have teared up a little but he pretends it’s the bright lights shining on the stage when Jun teases him about it. 

Once in the entrance hall he spots Wonwoo and Jihoon immediately. They're standing by the wall and as Soonyoung walks towards them for a brief second he has the urge to run up to Jihoon and hug him or maybe even kiss him. They haven’t seen each other all week since their last encounter at his studio and the desire to touch him is  _so_  strong, but he stops himself incredibly aware of all the other people present.

“How was it?” He grins, deciding to stand across from Jihoon and making sure he doesn’t look at him in case he ends up being completely obvious. Instead he looks at Wonwoo.   

“You know we did think you’d be performing…” Wonwoo’s leaning on the wall, arms crossed and Soonyuong’s smile turns sheepish. 

“Well, you wouldn't come if you’d known it’s just the kids…” That makes both his friends sigh.

“At least the preschoolers were cute,” Jihoon says and Soonyoung thinks his heart might erupt at that. 

“RIGHT!!!” He exclaims finally meeting Jihoon’s eyes and the latter looks away. 

“Stop yelling,” Jun says coming up from behind and throwing his arm around Soonyoung. “Can’t believe you two actually came,” he laughs at them. “Was it at all interesting?”

Wonwoo shrugs the free shoulder that’s not pressed against the wall. “It was fine, but I’d like a warning next time.”

Soonyoung feels a little bad as he clutches his bouquet towards his chest. He’s always been a person who loved when people came to see his shows, even if he was just the choreographer… It was still his work, what’s so bad about showing it off a little?

He looks up, his eyes meeting Jihoon’s again and smiles apologetically. Before he can say anything Jun speaks up, “Wonwoo, remember Yanan? He’s here today if you want to meet him.” Yanan is another guy in the program, since he isn’t on a scholarship the summer camp isn’t mandatory but he participated this summer instead of going home to China.

“Sure,” Wonwoo agrees and follows Jun into the crows but not before obviously looking between Jihoon and Soonyoung.

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung tells Jihoon when they’re alone and takes a step closer. “It was probably a little boring to watch.”

Jihoon shrugs, not really meeting his eyes once they’re standing closer like that. He reaches towards the flowers and rubs one of the petals of a pink rose. “The kids were cute,” he says simply and Soonyoung lets out a laugh.

“You really don’t seem like a person who’d like kids,” Soonyoung grins and Jihoon gives him a deadpanned look.

“I like them very much," he says in monotone. "Especially when they’re seven rows away from me." Soonyoung giggles airily and Jihoon takes his hand off the bouquet.  

“Ahh,” Soonyoung sighs. “They’re really tiring, I think I’m ready to get in bed and not get out until Monday. And then it’s boot camp week,” he drops his head onto Jihoon’s shoulder and whines. “Save me, Jihoonie!!”

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon tries to push him away but Soonyoung clutches onto him with his free hand, not letting go. “Stop being a baby. You enjoy dance and you love boot camp weeks as much as you complain about them.”

“But I wanna spend time with you…” Soonyoung mutters into his shoulder and Jihoon’s hand that was pushing Soonyoung stills and softens. 

“Me too, but-“ 

Several loud shrills of “Soonyoung-sensei!!” interrupt him and Jihoon takes a quick step back that almost has Soonyoung toppling over. He quickly recovers, however, and faces the kids with a smile.

“Good job today my diligent students, I’m very  _very_  proud!” 

“He said it twice he must mean it,” Jihoon mumbles which has Soonyoung smiling at him briefly before returning his attention to the kids. They spend around fifteen minutes crowding him and telling him thank you and Jihoon stands by his side the whole time.

“Sorry,” Soonyoung apologizes to him once the kids start getting picked up by their parents.

“It’s fine,” Jihoon says quickly and Soonyoung pulls him closer by the arm so they’re standing shoulder to shoulder. “I can’t believe you make them call you sensei,” Jihoon adds with a small smile.

“Soonyoung-sensei,” one of the girls, Jiwoo, asks before Soonyoung can reply. “Is he also a diligent student?” She asks pointing at Jihoon. 

"I'm not," Jihoon bites back and Soonyoung shoots him a quick look before crouching down and smiling at Jiwoo. 

"Don’t tell anyone,” he stage whispers. “But he’s the person who wrote one of our practice songs.” Jiwoo's jaw drops and she stares wide eyed at Jihoon.

“You’re from Twice?!”

Soonyoung bursts out laughing while Jihoon looks down in horror. “What did you tell her?”

“No, Jiwoo-ah! The  _practice_  songs,” he repeats grinning. “You know like  _Bring It_?”

“You play  _Bring It_  for the children?” Jihoon sounds appalled and Soonyoung doesn’t have the heart to meet his eyes right now.

“It’s a good adrenaline rush song, okay!” He answers, his eyes still on Jiwoo, too embarrassed to meet Jihoon’s. “He’s Woozi,” he tells her, feeling the pride soak into his voice.

She stares up at him again, still shocked but probably more at the fact that he writes songs, that’s more likely than her knowing who Woozi is. “That’s so cool!” Then she asks Soonyoung more quietly, “Should I call him Woozi-sensei too?”

“Please call him Woozi-senpai.”

“Woozi-senpai!” She exclaims up at Jihoon and Soonyoung immediately feels a flick on the back of your head. 

“Stop fooling around,” Jihoon says and Soonyoung grins apologetically at Jiwoo as he gets up.

“Right, so let’s go find your parents then Jiwoo-ah.” Funnily enough her parents were talking to Lisa and Soonyoung thinks it’s the first time he’s seen his boss all day.

“Soonyoung!” She calls him over quickly when she sees him. “Amazing job today! The dances were incredibly put together especially with the last minute changes, I’m very proud.” Jiwoo’s parents say just as much and leave after a quick goodbye. Soonyoung and Jihoon are about to go as well when Lisa stops them. “Soonyoung I need to talk to you.”

Soonyoung exchanges a quick look with Jihoon and he can feel how much the latter wants to leave already. “Noona…”

“Soonyoung it’s important.”

“Well, I was here all week nonstop,” he knows his tone is slightly rude, but he’s exhausted and painfully aware of Jihoon waiting patiently by his side for the last twenty minutes. “I have some other important plans now,” he says laying a hand on Jihoon’s lower back and when Lisa raises a brow at the gesture he quickly drops it. “Anyway,” he clears his throat. “I’ll be here all of next week, can we talk then?”

“That’s fine,” she replies with a knowing smile that sends chills down Soonyoung’s spine. “You did a very  _very_  good job, Soonyoung.”

“Minghao and Jun helped a lot.”

“Of course they did,” she smiles and Soonyoung smiles tightly back. “I’ll talk to you Monday then?” Soonyoung nods and she looks over to Jihoon who’s been eerily still for the last minute. “It was nice meeting you…?”

“Jihoon,” he croaks out and Lisa smiles wider.

“Hope you have a pleasant weekend!” She says turning around to join some other dance teachers. “Play safe!”

“Bye noona!” Soonyoung yells feeling his cheeks burn and turns to face Jihoon. “I’m  _so_  sorry.”

“I don’t know why I expect anything from you,” Jihoon mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. “If she’s your boss and you need to talk to her, I don’t mind waiting.”

Soonyoung has the urge to hold Jihoon’s hand and maybe even lace their fingers together and pull him closer and the amount of these urges he’s had in the last hour are starting to drive him crazy. “I missed you,” he says instead. That’s affection enough, especially for Jihoon and  _especially_ in public.

Jihoon bites his lip for a moment and meets his eyes. “What do you want to do?”

“I know Jun wanted to go out to some drunch place to celebrate.”

“Drunch?”

“Drunk brunch? Midday drinking basically,” Soonyoung sees Jihoon not being entirely interested in that and takes a step closer towards him. “After that I’ll be totally free for you,” he grins wolfishly. “If not a little tipsy… But that can be fun,” he winks and Jihoon eyes briefly drop to his lips before he turns around.

“Let’s go find Jun then.”

 

♫

 

They end up in some all you can drink place that serves unlimited alcohol with your food until four in the afternoon. They get there at two thirty so by four they’re positively buzzed. 

“I’m just saying none of us have ever been in space so how do we know that this whole the Earth is round thing isn’t a capitalist lie?”

“Jun if you don’t shut the fuck I will punch you,” Jihoon mutters leaning slightly on Soonyoung and they’re all tipsy enough that nobody questions it.

“I think he’s right,” Wonwoo adds grinning, his mimosa straw between his teeth. “A round globe is easier to sell than… a map.”

“Wonwoo, first of all that is stupid,” Jihoon says leaning forward onto the table pointing in accusation. “Maps are super popular. They’re more popular than globes! And second of all, you’re the last person I expected this stupidity from.”

“Oh yeah, who  _did_  you expect if from?”

Jihoon points at Soonyoung with his thumb. “This guy obviously.”

The hand Soonyoung was leaning on drops onto the table loudly. “Hey!”

Jihoon meets his eyes and smiles teasingly. “Do you even know what we’re talking about right now?”  

Soonyoung pouts. “Balls?”

“Well,” Jun says raising his glass. “We know what’s on  _his_  mind.” He takes a long drink and Wonwoo bursts out laughing.

It’s just the four of them since Minghao said he prefers late night wine drinking to midday mimosas, but Soonyoung doesn’t mind spending time with just his best friends like this. It feels like it’s been a while.

Jun and Wonwoo get distracted with their own conversation and Soonyoung puts his cheek on the palm of his hand again and watches Jihoon for a whole fifteen seconds before he gets pinched.

“What’s with the look?” Jihoon’s voice is low and eyes wide while Soonyoung feels that his own are only half open.

“Nothing,” he grins, his free hand settling on Jihoon’s thigh and when it’s not pushed away he starts running it up and down knowing fully well how close his fingers are to a special somewhere.

“Should we get the check?” Jihoon asks the table quickly, laying a hand on Soonyoung’s and pressing it down so he stops moving it.

Soonyoung yawns on queue. “I’m feeling tired,” he adds.

“That’s what midday drinking will do to you,” Jun raises his hand to catch a waiter’s attention. “Good luck hooking up when you’re feeling drowsy like this.”

“Tell that to yourself,” Jihoon mutters taking out his wallet from his back pocket with his free hand.

“By the way, Soonyoung,” Wonwoo says getting his attention that is still entirely occupied with staring at his own hand atop Jihoon’s thigh.

“Yeah?” He blinks at his best friend and Wonwoo smiles almost knowingly.

“I’m going home for the next two weeks.”

Soonyoung sits up suddenly feeling very awake. “What?! When are you going?”

“Well my train is tonight at six and I’ll be back the weekend before school.”

“Wonwoo! What the hell?! When were you going to tell me?”

“What’s the big deal? Aren’t your parents coming?”

 _Yeah but Jihoon was going to stay with me,_ Soonyoung tries to communicate with his eyes _._

“This is good no? That way your parents can stay with you,” Jihoon adds in and Soonyoung feels incredibly betrayed.

“Didn’t you want to stay with me?” He asks, feeling like a whiny child and Jihoon’s eyes dart towards their friends before he replies.

“Wouldn’t your parents rather stay at yours anyway?” Soonyoung feels like he might cry and he pulls his hand from Jihoon’s thigh pretending like he needs it to take out his own money. These little reminders of how Jihoon cares less get more and more brutal as their… whatever it is keeps happening.

“Wait a minute,” Jun says suddenly. “Isn’t Mingyu supposed to come back today? That’s why Minghao couldn’t come... Did you know about that?”

Wonwoo clears his throat. “It’s just a coincidence.”

Soonyoung leans back on the booth, arms crossing. “Yeah right,” he says pouting and Jun quickly reaches across the table to push his mimosa towards him.

“Maybe have few more sips to cheer up,” Soonyoung shoots him a glare. “Or maybe not…” He raises his hand quickly. “Waitress!” 

He can feel Jihoon watching him from the corner of his eye but ignores him to stare down Wonwoo instead. “You know I did text you about it?” Wonwoo says seemingly unfazed that Soonyoung is angry, probably since he knows he’s not really angry about Wonwoo leaving. “There’s also a suitcase standing outside my room since last night.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“I don’t blame you, but don’t be mad at me. I haven’t been home all summer… I still might be back for orientation but I’m not sure. It depends if the library will need extra staff.”

Soonyoung sighs. “Whatever, just let me know. And call this time please!” 

“Or you can check your texts?” Soonyoung is about to bite back when the waitress brings their bill and the boys get distracted with paying.

Once outside, the mood has uplifted somewhat. Wonwoo and Soonyoung don’t really fight for more than five minutes anyway so it’s not a huge surprise that the atmosphere’s gotten lighter.

“Anyway, fellas! I drunk texted my girlfriend about ten minutes ago so I need to run home in case she gets there first,” Jun giggles and then gives Wonwoo a tight hug. “Have fun at home buddy!” Then gives a thumbs up to Soonyoung and Jihoon. “You two have fun too! Free apartment!” He adds, winking.

“Would you stop it?” Jihoon mutters and Jun tries to pinch his cheek but Jihoon expertly twists away.

“Don’t get pouty! I’m just teasing,” he grins starting to walk backwards away from them. “I don’t really think you have the balls to make a move anyway, ahahah!” He turns around and runs off leaving Jihoon with his mouth open.

“What a jerk! I can be plenty ballsy!” 

“It’s okay~” Soonyoung throws an arm over his shoulders and Jihoon quickly pulls it off twisting his wrist. “OW!” Jihoon lets go and Soonyoung rubs at his hand. “Jun is right.”

“About what?”

“You  _are_  a jerk.”

“That’s what  _I_  said about  _him_!”

“Boys, please,” Wonwoo interjects, eyes closed. “I have long train ride in an hour, I don’t want to spend it with a headache.”

“I think it’s already too late for that,” Soonyoung says, throwing his arm around Wonwoo this time and leading them in the direction of their apartment. “Are you gonna come over?” He asks over his shoulder when Jihoon doesn’t move.

“Yeah,” he says after a short pause and catches up to walk by Soonyoung’s side. “Don’t have any other plans, anyway.”

“Hmm, I’m your last resort then~?”

“So glad I’m leaving so I don’t have to witness all this,” Wonwoo mutters loud enough for only Soonyoung to hear and Soonyoung pinches his shoulder.

When they get home Wonwoo really only has time to grab his suitcase and some snacks from the kitchen before he has to leave for the train station. Jihoon says bye in the living room while Soonyoung walks him to the door. “Did you take everything?”

“Honestly, I’m just thinking about how I’ll be sleeping for the next four hours,” he sighs, leaning on the door. “And anyway I’m going to my parents’ house. Got my phone, ticket, laptop and chargers. That’s all I really need.” Soonyoung chews on his lips deciding whether or not he should ask about the sensitive topic of a certain someone. “In case you’re wondering, I did know Mingyu is coming back today, my mom mentioned it,” he admits, looking away.

“I figured.”

“We’ll have the talk when I’m back.”

“Sure you will.” Wonwoo sighs. “If you want to repay me, come back with my parents and Chan instead of at the end of that week.”

“You just want Jihoon to stay with us,” Wonwoo says pointedly and Soonyoung shrugs.

“I won’t deny that.”

“He’ll sleep on the couch out of stubbornness, at least this way he’ll sleep comfortably in his bed.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Say hi to our parents,” he says pushing Wonwoo out the door. “I hope you miss your train!”

“I’ll just take tomorrow’s! And  _definitely_  stay for longer!” Wonwoo yells back as he heads towards the elevator and Soonyoung slams the door.

He opens it a second later. “Have a safe trip! I love you!" 

Wonwoo’s deep laugh fills the hallway. “Bye, Soonyoung!”

“Say it!”

“Say what?” Wonwoo yells back as he enters the elevator.

“Say you love me!”

“I can’t hear you~” The elevator doors close and Soonyoung closes his own door frowning. When he turns around Jihoon is leaning on the wall, arms crossed.

“Well wasn’t that romantic.” 

“I’m an available man,” Soonyoung smirks as he comes closer to Jihoon.

Jihoon raises a brow. “Are you now?”

“Well,” Soonyoung is close enough to put his hands on Jihoon’s shoulders and run them down to his elbows. “I do sorta got my eyes on someone.”

“Hmm, really?” Jihoon’s words grow quieter and Soonyoung leans down trying to catch them as they escape his mouth. 

“Someone cute and small~”

Jihoon grabs his chin tightly. “You were doing well up until now.” Soonyoung grins, feeling his nose scrunch and Jihoon’s hot breath warms his lips and they’re so so close-

The door unlocks behind them and Jihoon pushes Soonyoung away so forcefully that he crashes into Wonwoo.

“Forgot my cellphone in the kitchen!” Wonwoo exclaims, shoving Soonyoung out of the way and into the wall this time. In less than a minute Wonwoo is running out of the apartment again. “Sorry about that, please keep going…” Then right before he closes the door he adds a cheery, “Bye bye!”

The hallway is left quiet and any sparks that were there just a moment before are gone. Jihoon turns around and goes to the living room, Soonyoung close behind.

“Jihoon…” He ignores him running a hand through his hair. “Come on…” Jihoon falls down onto the couch, head in his hands and Soonyoung crouches in front of him. “Jihoon, look at me.” 

Jihoon doesn’t but he does start talking. It’s quick and panicky and Soonyoung holds his wrists the entire time. “He knows and he’s okay with it, so why does it still scare me so much? I don't understand. He knows, he doesn’t mind but every time he almost catches us or mentions something I just… I get so scared I don’t know what to do and Jun… Jun keeps making all those jokes I can’t tell if he knows or if he doesn’t know and I know they’ll support us no matter what but I-“ The breath he takes in shudders so intensely Soonyoung’s hands reach for Jihoon’s face instead.

“Jihoon, shh… Just breathe.” Jihoon shuts up and takes a full shaky breath and lowers his own hands to cover Soonyoung’s on his cheeks.

“Today,” he says slowly after a few deep breaths. “When I saw you after the show… I wanted to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you all week. I didn’t even care if Wonwoo and Jun or anybody else was there. I would’ve done it.” 

Soonyoung heart hammers wildly at that. “Why didn’t you?” He asks quietly.

“You didn’t even look at me.” Soonyoung remembers wanting to, he remembers forcing himself to look at Wonwoo and the previous excitement turns to guilt.

“I thought you wouldn’t want me to,” Soonyoung admits and Jihoon looks up to meet his eyes. “I’m bad at hiding things.”

“Clearly. All our close friends know.”

“All two of them.”

That causes Jihoon to let out another shaky breath as he looks down. “You say two like it’s not a lot, but to me it’s… It’s two too many.”

“Jihoon,” Soonyoung’s voice is low and nervous and he doesn’t want to say the next few words but he feels like he has to. “If this is too hard for you, we don’t have to keep doing this. I don’t want to be the reason you feel this way.”

Jihoon’s fingers tighten over Soonyoung’s. “It’s not you. I promise.”

“It’s not you. It’s me.” Soonyoung fills in dramatically. 

Jihoon chuckles but it’s dry. “You laugh but that’s literally it.” 

Soonyoung licks his lips before asking, scared he’s penetrating some sort of barrier he’s not allowed to cross yet. “Will you tell me more about why it’s you?”

“Eventually.”

“I want to be someone you can rely on,” Soonyoung admits lacing their fingers together.

“You are.”

“Then tell me what’s on your mind.”

Jihoon’s eyes shoot up to meet Soonyoung’s, then back down pausing briefly on his lips. “I can’t stop thinking about kissing you. Since we kissed in your backyard, I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s driving me crazy.”

“It still feels surreal to me,” Soonyoung admits, whispering. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, it was never serious wish but now… To have you  _really_  want to kiss me back…”

“I’ve thought about it only in passing before… But this feels incredible to me. I never knew how much I’d enjoy it,” Jihoon’s words pierce Soonyoung so powerfully he tightens his hold enough that he knows Jihoon’s fingers will feel uncomfortable but he doesn’t really care at the moment. He’s trying to keep himself somewhat grounded.

“The first time we kissed,” Soonyoung says slowly, the night replaying in his head. “You said you’ve never thought about me that way.”

“I don’t think I realized how much I wanted it till then…” Jihoon admits, voice shaky. “I think I’m still trying to understand…” 

“Understand?”

“How I feel about you.” This time Soonyoung is the one to chuckle dryly.

“You don’t know if you like me?”

“I think I like you too much,” he breathes out, almost as if he’s releasing a long locked sigh. A small prayer. His biggest secret and in the split-second Soonyoung remembers Jeonghan saying  Jihoon's obsessed with him and now _this_ and he really can’t hold it in anymore. He pushes Jihoon onto the back of the couch and doesn’t let him take a single breath before kissing him.

“Ahh,” Soonyoung sighs between kisses, his arms wrapping around Jihoon’s neck pulling him close. He’s positioned himself straddling Jihoon, his knees pressing down onto the cushion as he hovers above Jihoon’s thighs. “You can’t just say things like that, Jihoon…” He whines and then kisses him again, short pecks against his lips and cheeks. “I’m so happy, I think I might cry.”

“Over what?” Jihoon laughs, hands tight on Soonyoung’s hips.

“Jihoon! You’re a difficult man to talk feelings with and anything I can get I’ll never take for granted!” 

“Or maybe you’re just a little sexually frustrated…”

Soonyoung leans back. “Do you  _have_  to ruin every nice moment we have?”

Jihoon grins and leans forward again replying with a kiss.

 

♫

 

They end up grinding again, full clothed, Soonyoung laying on the couch and Jihoon on top of him. It’s not Soonyoung’s ideal way of Jihoon riding him, but they’re both virgins in this department and even this is enough to have Soonyoung cumming within ten minutes. He then gets to spend a full minute watching Jihoon jerk himself off, his hand down his pants and by the time he’s done Soonyoung is almost hard again. 

“Fuck,” he mutters watching Jihoon cum. “Next time,” he says taking another breath, “I’m taking a picture of your face like that.” Jihoon lets out a weak laugh, flushed and smiling lazily. He takes out his hand from his pants, his fingers wet and shiny and Soonyoung can’t stop staring at them.

“Don’t think anything gross,” Jihoon warns him and Soonyoung licks his lips. “Don’t  _do_  anything gross either.”

“I mean,” Soonyoung keeps watching Jihoon’s pretty fingers coated in his own cum and reaches towards them but Jihoon quickly pulls his hand away. “I’ll probably end up tasting it some time anyway? Right?” Jihoon watches him wide eyed and face even more red than it was a few minutes ago. Soonyoung leans up elbow behind him for leverage while his free hand chases after Jihoon’s wrist.

“Soonyoung!” Jihoon cringes when his wrist is caught and Soonyoung is smiling wildly at him.

“I’ve never tasted cum before,” he admits looking at Jihoon’s fingers up close and Jihoon shuts his eyes tightly.

“Please tell me this is some weird dream.”

“Have you?” Soonyoung asks, looking briefly to Jihoon. Jihoon doesn’t reply and Soonyoung doesn’t have to guess whose cum Jihoon had the pleasure to taste. Without warning he takes two coated fingers into his mouth and sucks them clean. 

It tastes salty and a little bitter but Soonyoung is more focused on the way Jihoon’s eyes darken as he watches his fingers slip in and out of Soonyoung’s mouth. He releases them after a few seconds and leans back grinning. “Mmmmm! Delicious~”

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon says, voice low in some kind of warning.

“Yes?” Soonyoung blinks up innocently. They stare at each other for a long minute, Jihoon angry and Soonyoung with a hint of a teasing smile. After the silence, Jihoon groans rolling off Soonyoung and disappears inside the bathroom. It’s only when he’s alone that Soonyoung realizes what he just did. It really did have an interesting taste and he can’t help but blush thinking of the kind of situation he could get himself into to get somewhat of a… larger sample.

Soonyoung sits up when the bathroom door opens and watches Jihoon go into his bedroom. “I’m borrowing boxers,” Jihoon says without even looking at him and closes the door once he’s inside. Soonyoung sighs and turns on the TV. His pants aren’t feeling too cozy either but he’s not going to walk in on any changing situations. He’s pretty sure Jihoon never wants him to see his dick at this point.

When Jihoon is back he sits on the couch next to him. Neither of them look at each other, both too focused on the TV playing some random American sitcom despite not actually watching it. Soonyoung is especially distracted trying hard to keep his eyes on the TV and not Jihoon’s pale crossed legs next to him wearing  _his_  boxers.

 _He’s trying to torture me,_  he thinks.  _He’s trying to kill me._

It gets so uncomfortable that Soonyoung starts counting the laughing tracks just to distract himself. He gets to 13 when Jihoon suddenly speaks. “Take off your pants.”

Soonyoung chokes on air twisting his head to stare at Jihoon. “Excuse me?”

Jihoon watches him unfazed. “Take off your pants.”

Soonyoung feels all his blood travel simultaneously up to his face and down to his crotch. How can Jihoon say shit like that and still look at Soonyoung… like  _that_! “Why should I take off my pants?”

“Just do it.”

“Not until you tell me why!"

Jihoon sighs and looks back at the TV not saying anything else. He leans his elbow on the side of the couch and places his chin on his palm looking entirely bored. Soonyoung keeps staring at him for at least a few minutes, but Jihoon doesn't look away from the screen the entire time. Finally, Soonyoung curses and takes off his jeans, ignoring how the front of his boxers are still a little damp. Once the pants are off he leans back with his arms crossed. He catches Jihoon looking at him sideways, but Jihoon remains silent.

“So-“ Before Soonyoung can finish his sentence Jihoon slips his hand inside Soonyoung’s underwear and takes hold of his penis. “Jihoon!” He croaks out leaning forward, grabbing Jihoon’s wrist. “What the fuck?!”

Jihoon meets his eyes and Soonyoung would believe that Jihoon is completely unfazed by this if not for the red ears and light flush along his cheeks. “You got to taste mine, I get to taste yours.”

He starts moving his hand up and down his cock and Soonyoung is a man of little self-control who has been enamored by his best friend long enough to have his penis harden within basically seconds allowing the precum to make things smoother. He leans back onto the couch hands covering his face and groans out, breath falling into rhythm with the movement of Jihoon’s hand. 

“You’re evil…Evil!” His voice is muffled by his hands and he can hear Jihoon shift on the couch to get an easier grip as his hand quickens its pace once more.

“It was hard to tell before,” Jihoon speaks, his voice casual. “But you really do feel pretty big.” Soonyoung moans at that his hips thrusting up into Jihoon’s fist and he knows if he looks at Jihoon right now he’ll find the boy smirking. “Look at me,” Jihoon says, his own voice finally getting slightly raspier and Soonyoung lowers his hands slowly to do just that.

Jihoon has raised one of his knees onto the couch to face Soonyoung better and is watching him with his lower lip between his teeth and his eyes dark and entirely focused on Soonyoung and Soonyoung only and just that is enough to have Soonyoung throwing his head back onto the couch and moaning again.

“Fuck,” he groans.

“What?”

“I never thought… I never ever thought… This would happen.”

“What exactly?”

Soonyoung watches Jihoon from where his head is leaning back onto the couch. His breath getting more and more labored despite Jihoon not really picking up his pace. But it feels too good like that. It’s enough pleasure that it’s comfortable instead of increasingly arousing and Soonyoung thinks he could stay in this state forever. “That you’d touch my like this.”

“Our cleanses are getting more and more demanding,” Jihoon smirks and Soonyoung chuckles reaching towards Jihoon’s obvious erection, but his hand is quickly swatted away. Instead, Jihoon laces their fingers together and leans down towards him, his other hand still keeping the same slow but dangerous pace. “How else do you want me to touch you?” He murmurs by his lips and Soonyoung replies by pulling Jihoon’s neck down with his free hand and kissing him open-mouthed and hard.  

The kiss is definitely a bonus and Jihoon must feel it too because his quickens his movement on Soonyoung’s dick. He lets go of Soonyoung’s hand and sneaks it under Soonyoung’s shirt to run over his chest and up to his shoulder, making the shirt roll almost all the way up and Soonyoung breaks the kiss to take it off to make things easier.

“Fuck I want to touch you,” he whispers when Jihoon starts leaving open mouthed kisses across his jaw, and Soonyoung can feel the boy’s breathing growing labored as well. He tries to sneak his hand down onto his crotch again but as soon his fingers reach the hardness Jihoon pulls away.

“Don’t,” he says taking hold of his wrist and the hand jerking him off stops. “I want to do this for you. Okay?”

Soonyoung blinks, swallowing. “But what about-“ 

“It’s fine,” Jihoon breathes out leaning down to kiss Soonyoung again, his hand once again jerking him off in a slow and steady pace. “This is kind of hot,” he giggles into his neck and Soonyoung can’t deny that.

They keep kissing while Jihoon’s pace quickens on his dick fast enough that Soonyoung can no longer kiss properly. His head hangs back and eyes are closed, with only moans and shallow breaths escaping as his hips stutter up into Jihoon’s hand. “Soonyoung-ah,” Jihoon says quietly above him and Soonyoung doesn’t understand how his voice can stay so stable while Soonyoung feels like he’s falling apart. “Soonyoung look at me.” Soonyoung does as told and Jihoon lays a hand on his cheek to keep his gaze steady as his pace gets impossibly fast.

“Oh my god, Jihoon- I’m gonna- Fuck!” He’s moaning so loud and his eyes keep closing with every word and Jihoon keeps kissing him to remind him to open them again.

“Are you gonna cum?” He asks laughing and Soonyoung grabs the back of his neck.

“What the fuck do you think?!”

“Then do it baby,” he whispers against his lips hand squeezing in all the right places and going fast enough that Soonyoung knows he’s very very close. “Cum for me.”

“Fuck! Jihoon! What the-“ He can’t even finish before he’s throwing his head back and moaning through his orgasm, his vision turning blotchy and white that it doesn’t matter if he was or wasn’t looking at Jihoon since he’s not sure he would’ve seen him anyway. 

By the time he’s recovered enough to look down again Jihoon is still stroking him lazily and Soonyoung is too weak to shove him off. “Please stop, I’m going crazy.”

Jihoon laughs at that and takes his hand out of his underwear looking at the cum covering his fingers. “Should I have a taste then?”

Soonyoung looks at his fingers and cringes realizing all that… sticky stuff is his own. “Now I get why you felt so gross,” he mutters and Jihoon lets out a weak laugh. He’s staring at his own fingers and licks his lips before he meets Soonyoung’s eyes and puts two fingers in his mouth.

Soonyoung groans as he watches that. “This shouldn’t be as sexy as it is!” Jihoon chuckles at that and takes out the fingers to lick each one individually and Soonyoung can’t stop staring. “So,” he clears his throat ignoring the fact that he might get hard again if Jihoon keeps doing this. He thought he’d be exhausted tonight but his stamina is clearly reaching new levels. “How does it taste?”

“Wanna try?” Jihoon asks with a smirk offering his thumb that’s also covered in some cum. 

“Um,” Soonyoung chuckles. “No thanks.”

“Aren’t you curious which tastes better?”

“I doubt any of it tastes good.” Jihoon smiles at that and leans forward to press his thumb against Soonyoung’s lower lip.

“Just a little taste?”

“What are you doing to me?” Soonyoung whispers and up close he can see Jihoon’s eyes are diluted and dark and he realizes that he’s probably sitting there with the biggest hard on ever instead of just having had the best orgasm of his life. “I’ll taste it if you let me jerk you off.”

Jihoon bites his lip. “I’ll think about it,” is his compromise and Soonyoung immediately opens his mouth around Jihoon’s thumb and sucks on it.

His own cum is just as salty and just as biter and Soonyoung tries his best to ignore the fact that it’s his own fucking cum and instead focuses on how Jihoon’s eyes watch his thumb going in and out of his mouth. Jihoon’s eyes are half-open and his breathing is deep and cheeks flushed and Soonyoung smirks as he pulls Jihoon’s wrist down and away from his mouth.

Jihoon clears his throat, blinking. “So which tastes better?”

“They’re both pretty gross,” Soonyoung says and he really can’t tell if there’s any difference at all. “But I’d kill to see you make that face again.”

“That’s a bit dramatic.”

“You should see yourself.” Jihoon laughs and sits back again. They’re quiet for a moment, only then realizing that the random American sitcom is still playing in the background. 

“Should we see a movie?” Jihoon asks reaching for the remote with his clean hand.

“Are you serious?” Soonyoung sits up. “How hard are you right now? It’s my turn to jerk you off!”

Jihoon shakes his head. “I’m fine.”

Soonyoung pointedly places his hand on top his underwear grasping his hard-on. “Clearly you’re doing great,” he grins as Jihoon gasps and lays his own hand on top of Soonyoung’s. Soonyoung sits up and leans toward Jihoon. “Let me take care of you please,” he says like it’s an offer but starts palming Jihoon anyway until Jihoon gives up and agrees.

“Fine,” he groans out and Soonyoung grin grows wider. “Fuck weren’t you exhausted earlier? I’m already spent.” He says trying to sound casual but his choppy breath gives him away.

“It’s hard to want to sleep when this is the alternative option,” Soonyoung grins. “Wanna take off your underwear?” He asks hopefully.

“I can but I’m pretty sure I’ll be done in a few minutes anyway,” he admits and Soonyoung decides to take that as a compliment.

“Can  _I_ take off your underwear then?” He asks still palming him and he knows Jihoon is getting frustrated enough to easily agree and he’s right. As soon as Jihoon nods Soonyoung pulls his underwear off and Jihoon’s boner is big and red and Soonyoung stares at is for too long until Jihoon flicks his forehead. “I think you’re bigger than me,” Soonyoung says still staring.

“You did feel a little smaller,” Jihoon admits smirking and Soonyoung blushes but distracts himself with carefully taking Jihoon’s cock into his hand.

“You know… You’re the first guy I ever touched like this. Other than myself of course.”

Jihoon chokes out a laugh. “Of course.” His breath gets deeper as Soonyoung’s hand starts moving up and down his shaft, using the preexisting precum for easy leverage. “I’m no pro at this either.” 

“You have more experience.”

“You’re not a virgin though.”

“With girls it’s different.”

“It’s all holes.”

Soonyoung bursts out laughing and his pace slips and Jihoon puts his hand over Soonyoung’s fist to keep him steady. “Just let me come so we can move on with our evening.” 

Soonyoung pouts. “You mean we’re not going to be doing this all weekend?”

"Well, not at this rate," Jihoon sighs helping Soonyoung quicken the pace. 

 

♫

 

By the time Monday comes around and Soonyoung’s dance boot camp starts he’s even more exhausted but it's all worth it when he's lost count of how many times they’ve made each other cum. Two full days of them having the apartment to themselves… They didn’t go much farther than hand jobs but Soonyoung does learn that Jihoon is quite incredibly skilled at blowjobs. He even considers sending Wonwoo some sort of thank you letter for the free house opportunity and remind him that he's free to visit his parents as often as he wants. 

When he sees Jun it’s like the latter knows immediately.

“Good weekend?” He asks smirking.

“The best.” Soonyoung grins back and neither of them discuss more than that.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the editing is meh,, ill read through it later once more but im tired and wanted this up before i sleepzzzz also sorry that this took a while, i decided to test my limits and write two fics side by side lmfao oops i hope it was worth the wait at least♡

Boot camp is hell.

Soonyoung has no time for anything but practice. He dances and dances and dances all day and despite dance being his passion, even that is too much. To make things even harder, he’s been unofficially thrown into the captain position as soon as camp starts and has to lead all classes and manage all choreographies. It's a lot of work and it's exhausting, but in reality spending the week leading people, having crucial say in choreographies, helping build a team and getting lots of center positions... Soonyoung loves it. His leader title isn't official yet, but he feels pretty confident about it. 

(Captain position will also mean he has to lead the short boot camp for freshmen next week, though, and the only way Soonyoung can deal with the thought of going through another week of hell is the chance of teasing his freshman little brother. Otherwise, he keeps those exhausting thoughts out of his mind.)

Instead of going home every day, the dancers stay at the university dorms. Soonyoung shares a room with Jun, Minghao and a kid called Yugyeom from Minghao’s year. The only time he has to breathe properly that week is when he’s in the room with them at night, each laying dead on their beds whining about never getting up again.

“At least this is our last year,” Jun says, arm over his eyes – he hasn’t moved in forty minutes. Soonyoung can only grunt in response, his phone lifted above his face with weak arms. Their phones are taken away every day, so this is the only chance Soonyoung gets to communicate with the outside world using the last inch of energy that he has to spare.

 

Mom [13:33]: We’ll come up Thursday, thank you honey :) I hope the bootcamp isn’t being too horrible to you, Channie is quite upset he can’t join yet.

Wonwoo [14:11]: home is so boring I might really come back earlier

Jihoon [16:20]: alive?

 

A few days ago Soonyoung offered his mom to come to Seoul earlier since nobody is at his apartment anyway and left the key with Jihoon so his family can settle in before he’s back. Wonwoo isn't actually coming home early despite complaining so much and after last weekend Soonyoung feels slightly more confident about his relationship with Jihoon relationship to not need him to stay at his.

He replies to everyone before he can drop his phone on his face from the exhaustion and revels in the pleasant warmth in his chest from Jihoon's one word text. The same text every day that entire week and the consistency of it... Soonyoung loves it.

 

♫

 

On Friday afternoon boot camp is over and Soonyoung’s family greets him outside the dorms with big hugs and warm smiles.

“I’m dead,” Soonyoung whines hugging his mom, feeling his dad’s strong hand rubbing his back in support  
.  
“Is it really hard?” Chan asks grinning excitedly and Soonyoung looks slowly at his brother, actually feeling how exhausted his eyeballs are when they try to focus.

“I pity you, honestly.” Chan only grins harder.

“Oh honey,” his mom squeezes him tighter. “Are you hungry? What will make you feel better?”

“Chicken,” Soonyoung whispers. "Very very fried and crispy chicken." His parents understand immediately and lead him to a place near campus Soonyoung always took them to when they visited.

Fifteen minutes later the chicken is served and Chan is begging Soonyoung for anything dance related. “Hyuuung,” he begs. “Can you show me the dance studios later?” Soonyoung keeps stuffing himself with crispy chicken instead of answering. At boot camp they ate exclusively rice and vegetables and the occasional chicken for protein but Soonyoung was considerably in deficit of the goodness that is properly fried and sauce lathered poultry. “Please?” Chan adds when Soonyoung doesn’t respond.

“Didn’t you see them when you came for a campus tour last year?” He says still focused on his food.

“Come on, Soonyoung, honey," His mom asks kindly, opening the plastic wrapper of a wet wipe for him. "Be kind to your brother! He’s excited.”

“I see that,” Soonyoung mutters and then shakes his head when he realizes his tone is rougher than usual. “Sorry, I’m just really tired. I’ll show you around, just not today, okay?” Chan nods eagerly, lips tucked to contain his excitement. “How’s the apartment?” Soonyoung changes topics.

“Oh it’s wonderful!” His mom grins. “We took Wonwoo’s room, but Chan is only moving into his dorm tomorrow, he’ll sleep with you for tonight. Is that fine? You’re not too tired?”

“No worries," Soonyoung smiles, reaching out with a sauce lathered hand to pinch one of Chan’s cheeks who grimaces away in disgust. “Anything for my baby brother!”

“Your hands are filthy!” Chan wipes his cheek with a napkin and his dad tries to stop their bickering but Soonyoung only laughs and eats some more.

“By the way,” he adds, still grinning. “Next week at your induction boot camp, I’ll be your captain,” his grin turns into a smirk and Chan’s eyes widen. “If you want to survive it, you better start treating me with respect.”

“You’re the captain for next year?!” Chan screams and their mum shushes him.

“Is that the position you were waiting to hear about?” His mom asks and Soonyoung nods. When they announced it at the end of camp it really wasn’t surprising to anyone but it still felt pretty damn good. It means he’ll have to work for most of orientation week instead of partying with friends, but he doesn’t mind it if it means messing around with his little brother.

“Proud of you son,” his dad says giving him a grin that reminds him of his own.

“Thanks dad.” He looks over at Chan, still smiling wickedly. “Better suck up to me while you can.”

Chan’s look turns wary. “I think I’ll sleep on the couch then.”

Soonyoung puts another chicken piece in his mouth. “Good call.” 

They head home right after and despite wanting to maybe see Jihoon later, Soonyoung is just too tired. He texts him instead, ‘family is here :) thanks for passing them the key, they want u to join us for dinner before they leave’ and an hour later he’s peacefully asleep.

 

♫

 

He wakes up drowsy and confused and really fucking needing to pee. The clock by his bed shows twelve, and Soonyoung weakly calculates that he must’ve slept for almost seventeen hours. He lays there staring at the ceiling trying to come back to himself and when he finally leaves his room to use the bathroom he notices the apartment is empty. His family probably left already to help Chan move in and it’s likely been a while because the little crepes his mom left on the kitchen table for Soonyoung are already cold. He munches sleepily on them, sipping on some of his sweet shitty coffee, as Jihoon calls it, and checks his phone to see a reply from said boy received at around seven last night. He grimaces, he really did sleep an awfully long time. Since it’s already twelve he decides to test his luck and presses the green button to call him.

“Hello?” Jihoon replies after a few rings, voice raspy as if he had just woken up. As soon as Soonyoung hears him, he realizes that they haven’t properly spoken other than those one word texts since last weekend when they spent the entire time... “Soonyoung? You there?” Jihoon repeats and Soonyoung clears his throat.

“Hey,” he tries for a cheery voice but his throat is dry after sleeping for so long. “Sorry, I fell asleep really early last night.” Jihoon chuckles over the line and Soonyoung lowers his forehead onto the cool tabletop because the chuckle is deep and rumbly and goes straight to his groin and squeezes his heart. “I slept like seventeen hours.”

“That’s insane. You feel better?”

“I feel like a different person,” he admits. Jihoon chuckles again and Soonyoung can hear typing over the phone. “Are you at the studio?”

“Yeah,” there’s more typing. “Had to finish some stuff.” Soonyoung chews on his lip. It's Saturday, must've been pretty important if Jihoon has to work over the weekend. “Is there a reason you called?”

“Um,” Soonyoung tries slowly. It’s weird that Jihoon is being so casual when Soonyoung feels like he has to be careful about every word he says. He wants to believe that jerking each other off a dozen times should change something in their relationship, but Jihoon being so casual, even more casual than the weeks before, it’s disconcerting. “About dinner…” He says finally.

“Ahh, right,” Jihoon’s voice drops, growing shyer. “When should I come?”

Soonyoung honestly doesn’t know what to say. He assumed Jihoon would be difficult about meeting his parents, but there’s no refusal. He agrees so easily it’s weird. “I haven’t spoken to them about it yet but probably around seven,” Soonyoung says quietly.

“Sure, just let me know when and where and I'll be there."

"Right... Of course," Soonyoung replies picking at his food, trying to figure out what this strange Jihoon is really feeling.

"You want to, um,” Jihoon clears his throat over the line when nobody has spoken for half a minute. “Wanna come help me out with the song?” Soonyoung straightens up. Finally a hint. Jihoon never asks for help with his songs, and that sentence was the first time his tone showed any faultiness.That has to be code for sex.

Soonyoung wants to accept the offer, he really does. He wants to run to Jihoon’s studio, still in his boxers and large white pajama shirt and unbrushed hair and “help” him in any way he can for as long as Jihoon needs. “I can’t," he refuses stupidly, regret already pooling in the deepest parts of chest. "I promised my parents I’d help them move Chan in."

“That's cool,” Jihoon clears his throat again. “Just text me about dinner later?”

“Sure,” Soonyoung smiles, feeling a little warmer despite the confusion of that entire conversation. Maybe it’s hearing Jihoon’s voice after a week or maybe it’s a little the fact that Jihoon basically just booty called him. Either way, Soonyoung thinks, biting his lip a soft flush blooming on his cheeks, that’s always flattering.

After they hang up, Soonyoung gets ready and, as promised, heads to Chan’s dorm to help move his brother in. By the time he’s there, most of the things are set up but he does help Chan and his dad build a few Ikea items. He meets Chan's roommate too. His name is Mark, he's a half-Canadian student on a dance scholarship just like Chan and Soonyoung are and he’s only there with his mom, so the boys help him build his furniture as well. By five they’re done and Soonyoung collapses on the entire length of Chan’s bed while his brother lies on top of him, totally spent.

“This is also our captain, by the way,” Chan tells Mark, breath strained from how his back is arched across Soonyoung's legs. “At least let dad lay down!” He adds hitting Soonyoung on his ass and Soonyoung immediately feels bad, pushing himself up.

"I'm fine," his dad grunts out from where he is already draped over Chan’s desk chair and Soonyoung drops back down.

“My body hasn’t recovered enough for this,” he mutters into the pillow. First was camp, followed by the boot camp and now and another boot camp starting Wednesday. There was that fucking weekend in between, too, pun almost intended. All of it was definitely worth it but Soonyoung feels like he was repeatedly run over seven hundred trucks. He needs rest. He tries not to think about the fact that after Chan's boot camp, his last year of university starts and that's no vacation either.

“You’re our captain?” Mark asks, eyes wide in shock.

“No need to sound so surprised,” Soonyoung frowns and Mark immediately bows his head politely.

“Ah, sorry, hyung,” he says quickly and Soonyoung smirks kicking Chan.

“See? That’s how you should treat me.”

“In your dreams, hyung.”

Their moms come back from buying snacks at the convenience store nearby, bringing coke and rice balls for the boys. All the food is gone within seconds and Soonyoung sighs, patting his stomach.

"Thank you, eomma," he mutters. "But I can't say that was very filling."

"You need to save room," she scolds, picking up the wrappers. "We still have dinner tonight! Did you tell Jihoon to come?"

Soonyoung nods his head, fringe falling over his face to hide a blush. "Yeah, but I need to tell him where we’re going," he says and believing he's suppressed the flushing leans back onto the wall casually. "What do you guys feel like?”

They decide to go to a fancy Italian food chain nearby and invite Mark and his mom as well. Since Soonyoung texts Jihoon a little last minute, it takes him a bit longer to get there and by the time he's at the restaurant everyone is eating some appetizers they got to share.

"Jihoon-ah!" His mom notices him first and waves him over. Soonyoung stops in the middle of chewing his tomato mozzarella salad to turn around to spot him and immediately regrets not thinking this through. 

Soonyoung hasn't seen him since last weekend when they spent almost the entire time together just the two of them, naked, all over each other, comfortable with each other, happy with each other. Not a care in the world until it was Monday morning and Soonyoung had to scramble around his room to pack his last minute bag for boot camp and ran out of the house accidentally but conveniently leaving his keys on the kitchen table and as well as a very naked Lee Jihoon in his bed. Seeing Jihoon now, in ripped light jeans and a light blue button up tucked at the front is... Fuck, Soonyoung thinks, he can't stop thinking about what he knows is underneath.

Jihoon comes up to their table, endearingly uncomfortable, and says quick hellos before sitting on the free chair next to Soonyoung. Soonyoung gives him a little smile that Jihoon returns, without really looking at him, and their private greetings end at that. It's awkward and it's clear that they should've discussed some relationship logistics last weekend, since they aren't sure how to act around each other anymore. From what Soonyoung has seen in his relationship with Jihoon so far, however, that weekend probably didn’t establish anything anyway.

"How've you been, Jihoon?" His dad asks while Soonyoung quickly occupies himself with the menu, hoping he doesn't show any hint of how he feels about the boy sitting next to him.

"I’m great, thank you," Jihoon replies, polite as always. "Actually, the song Soonyoung helped me write might get picked up by SM… It’ll be my first time officially producing for one of the Big Three," he says it quietly but Soonyoung hears him loud and clear.

"What?! Are you serious?!" He turns around to face Jihoon and Jihoon nods with a small grin.

"I got the call yesterday. They wanted me to move around some details before they make a final decision.”

"And you didn't tell me?!"

"I wanted to tell you in person..." The conversation from earlier revisits Soonyoung and he thinks, a little disappointingly despite the situation, that maybe it wasn't a booty call after all.

"The SM Entertainment?!" Chan butts in, his own eyes wide in shock. "You mean EXO could be singing your song?"

Soonyoung gasps, clutching his chest. "You mean Shinee could sing our song?" He whispers looking at Jihoon who just smiles back. "Oh my god," he breathes out leaning back on his chair and sliding down. "I think I'm having a heart attack, I can't feel my face."

Jihoon giggles at that. "Your face?" Soonyoung hears the rest of the table say their congratulations, but he remains staring at the ceiling of the restaurant not knowing how to react until he feels a hand squeezing his thigh and looks over to Jihoon. "It's exciting, right?" Jihoon says quietly, to Soonyoung only, and Soonyoung lays his hand over Jihoon's and squeezes it.

“Exciting?” He says back, leaning a little towards Jihoon. “It’s fucking insane. I mean… that’s our song!”

“Yeah,” Jihoon grins, little sharp teeth poking out and Soonyoung wants to lean forward and feel them on his lower lip as he kisses him.

Jihoon must notice Soonyoung’s eyes on his mouth because he leans away, hand sliding off his thigh. “We can celebrate later,” he says sheepishly and opens his menu.

Once Soonyoung calms down, he and Jihoon decide to share a pepperoni pizza while the rest get their own food and speculate about which idols they'll get to meet if Woozi becomes top producer in the K-Pop world.

"Okay, which idol would you marry?" Mark asks, the parents talking about something else on their side of the table. "Someone that you'd give up anyone else for?"

"Irene," Chan says immediately.

"That's an obvious one!" Mark defends, laughing. "Who else?"

"Key or Taemin," Soonyoung says quickly. "Easily." He's fully aware of Jihoon right next to him, but they haven't really made anything official yet so he thinks he's allowed to say that.

"Okay I have someone else!" Chan says again. "There's this one group that just debuted and there's this really pretty girl-"

"You don't even know her name! That doesn't count," Soonyoung defends, pizza mush in his mouth.

"Please behave," he hears Jihoon mutter next to him as he hands him a tissue.

"What about you, Jihoon-hyung?" Chan asks suddenly and Jihoon's hand freezes mid air. He doesn't answer for a moment and Soonyoung watches him warily as he chews. There's probably not any female idol he'd say and he should know that nobody at the table will mind if he says a male one, but Jihoon's eyes dart to the parents and then down to his plate, hand lowering slowly still holding the tissue.

"Maybe IU?" He says shrugging and takes a bite of his food.

"Ohhhhh yeah!" Mark exclaims pointing at Jihoon and nodding. "Definitely!" That gets Chan and Mark distracted comparing IU with Irene and Soonyoung thinks he hears Sunmi somewhere there too but he's busy watching Jihoon.

"Don't say anything," Jihoon mutters a little harshly and Soonyoung turns away, focusing on his half of the pizza instead.

Again with the fear. Just when things were getting better, Jihoon's anxiety reappears with a vengeance and Soonyoung really doesn't know how to help or what he has to say or do to convince Jihoon that there are people he can trust and be open with. He's afraid to know who hurt him enough that Jihoon can't allow himself to live truthfully.

When they get the bill, Jihoon tries to pay for his order but Soonyoung’s parents refuse.

"Get your song sold to SM, YG, and JYP, and then you can pay for dinner," Soonyoung's dad tells him and that gets Jihoon to shut up, staring at Soonyoung's father with slight awe.

"They really like you," Soonyoung tells him when they're walking down the street to find some dessert place nearby since the moms are craving ice cream. "My parents, I mean," he adds when Jihoon doesn't reply.

"Yeah, I got that," he says softly. Their fingers are only a breath away from each other as they walk and Soonyoung has to restrain himself from taking hold of Jihoon’s hand. That's all he's been wanting to do since he saw him – hold Jihoon. Touch him in any way he can. At dinner he kept throwing his arm around him, taking hold of his thigh when he was laughing too hard. Subtle little touches that mostly just helped him keep emotions at bay rather than in attempt to prove anything. Even now, when he can shove his fingers in his pockets and avoid the urge, he keeps his hand by Jihoon's, in hope that maybe the latter feels the same.

"I'll need to thank them again," Jihoon adds after a pause and Soonyoung shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it, they enjoy it. They like you and that's that. They want you to feel more comfortable," Soonyoung says watching his parents a few meters ahead.

"Is my awkwardness that obvious?" Jihoon grimaces and Soonyoung smiles, shaking his head.

"I think I'm the one who's more obvious," he says, growing sheepish. "They know I like you a lot," he confesses and Jihoon pointedly stares at the ground ahead. "Well my mom does," Soonyoung keeps going, growing even more shy. "She probably told my dad, too... If I like you, then they like you, and if they like you, they want to make you feel as liked as possible," he says quickly and chews on his lip.

They keep walking in silence until they pass a little alley and Jihoon suddenly stops pulling Soonyoung to the side so that they're hidden behind the building. Before Soonyoung can react, Jihoon takes hold of his face and kisses him strong and true right there in public where anyone can walk by and see. It's a short kiss, but it's powerful, and Soonyoung can feel his eyes glassy and bewitched when Jihoon moves away.

"What was that for?" Soonyoung mumbles, cheeks still squished between Jihoon's palms.

"I missed you," he says quietly. "Also whenever you tell me how much you like me all I want to do is kiss you," he adds letting go of Soonyoung and walking back out onto the main street. Soonyoung blinks, confused, but quickly follows behind.

"You do realize we need to have a very important talk," his voice is low and urgent by Jihoon's side and Jihoon moves his neck side to side to avoid answering.

"We will," he promises looking sideways at Soonyoung. "Maybe just not right now."

"No, no, no, no," Soonyoung shakes his head quickly. "You see I need to know right now. I need to know if I can hold your hand because god I want to and I need to know what I should tell my mom when she asks what’s going on between us tomorrow morning."

"Why tomorrow morning?" Jihoon asks dumbly.

"Because," Soonyoung’s stare stays urgent. "After last weekend and that kiss just now, I don't think I'm going to be sleeping at home tonight."

Jihoon frowns and after a moment he blushes furiously and looks away. "Right..." He licks his lips and runs a hand through his hair. His fringe is getting longer and the way his hair falls back down onto his forehead is so... Soonyoung wants his hands in all that hair as soon as possible.

"Do we need to discuss it right this second?" Jihoon asks, clearly hoping for a no. "On our way to eat ice cream with your parents?"

"It's probably too serious of a conversation to have right now," Soonyoung has to admit. "Later?" And Jihoon reluctantly agrees.

They get ice cream at the first place they find. This time Jihoon gladly pays for himself but uses the dinner as an excuse to buy Soonyoung his strawberry ice cream too. When he asks Soonyoung's mom for permission she agrees easily and winks at Soonyoung when Jihoon turns away.

Before they go their separate ways, Soonyoung tells his parents he'll walk Jihoon home and will be back later.

"Do you have a key?" His dad asks and Soonyoung's mom shoots him a look.

"It's fine," Soonyoung feels his ears heat up. "Just leave your copy under the matt?"

"Of course, honey," his mom gives Soonyoung a quick kiss on the cheek and does the same to Jihoon. "It was so nice seeing you again, Jihoon," she grins at him and Jihoon nods, clearly flustered.

"You too, thank you again for dinner."

"Anytime," she grins again and then gives Soonyoung another kiss. "Should I expect you home tonight?" She asks him quietly and Soonyoung knew his mom knows but still flushes from the question.

"Just don't wait up," he tries to sound confident but it comes out squeaky, which makes his mom laugh as she leaves, pulling his dad with her.

When they're alone Soonyoung gives Jihoon an awkward smile. "I guess our relationship status is two friends who don't know what the fuck they're doing even though everybody else does."

"That's a mouthful," Jihoon sighs, cheeks rosy in the night.

"Just like my-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Jihoon warns and Soonyoung grins wide. "You and your mom," Jihoon says watching Soonyoung strangely. "You two have the exact same smile, it's creepy."

"It's genetic."

Jihoon chuckles. "Alright, smart guy."

They stop by the convenience store to get some snacks and drinks and walk leisurely towards Jihoon's place. Soonyoung thinks he could hold Jihoon's hand for real this time, but he's carrying the convenience store bag and Jihoon's fingers are stuffed deep inside his pockets. Soonyoung is pretty sure that is no coincidence though.

As soon as they're inside the apartment and Soonyoung sees the bed his mind goes to one thing only and he has to physically restrain himself from thinking about it. He looks over to Jihoon and knows he's thinking about the same thing with the way his eyes are suddenly dark and needy and takes a step back.

"No,” he warns, putting the snack bag onto the counter.

"I didn't say anything?" Jihoon blinks innocently.

"Your weird sexy bedroom eyes say everything!" Jihoon smirks at that and Soonyoung regrets his words. "We are having our conversation before we do anything else!"

Jihoon sighs taking a step towards Soonyoung, who takes a quick step back. "So," Jihoon props him after they stare at each other for a few long seconds. "What do you want to talk about?"

"You know!"

"And you know what I have to say about it."

"Actually, I don't," Soonyoung crosses his arms and takes another step back because Jihoon has walked towards him again.

"I don't do labels, Soonyoung."

"Than what are we doing?"

"I don't know? Your mom already assumes something is going on, so why not just leave it at that?"

"You're being really inconsiderate about this, Jihoon," Soonyoung can hear the upset in his voice and Jihoon does as well, because his eyes soften.

"Soonyoung, whatever we're doing," Jihoon isn't meeting his eyes anymore and Soonyoung knows that they've reached Jihoon's true feelings on the matter. "It's making me really happy," he looks up, his eyes a little wide and a little afraid. "But when we have these conversations. When you want me to admit that we're anything more than friends that we might be,” his expression turns sour, “boyfriends... It makes me hate whatever it is that we're doing."

"And when we call it a cleanse?" Soonyoung asks, voice quiet.

"It feels good," Jihoon looks up at him and Soonyoung realizes he himself has taken a step forward without realizing. "It doesn't feel scary, it feels like it's... allowed."

"Allowed?" Soonyoung echoes. "Jihoon..." He raises a hand to push Jihoon's fringe away and keeps it there, palm warm and reassuring above his cheek. "What are you afraid of?"

Jihoon swallows, wincing. "I don't know," he whispers. "I'm sorry I don't know, I-" he stops taking a deep breath. "Your parents."

"You don't need to be afraid of-"

"I know that!" Jihoon's voice is loud and he takes a step back, Soonyoung's hand dropping from his face. "They're kind and supportive and you can tell them you'll marry Taemin and they won't even blink an eye and they can assume we're fucking and they don't mind one bit but my-" He stops again realizing how loud his voice has gotten and lowers it before he speaks again. "I've never had people in my life to support me like that," he closes his eyes tightly. "If we put a label on this, we become something real and something I have lived my entire life forbidding myself to have. I can’t be Jihoon who has a boyfriend. I just can't. I can’t accept it."

Soonyoung remembers high school and early university when he started thinking of boys that way. When he started wanting to hold a boy's hand and wanting a boyfriend and his loud mouth telling his parents and his mom supporting him immediately and when he told her he’d gone on a date with a boy she asked about his name where he's from and what he's like.

"I want to be your boyfriend Jihoon," he throws his heart to Jihoon with one of the truest things he's ever told him and return watches Jihoon's own heart break right in front of him as if it's the worst news he's ever heard.

"This is why I never wanted to do this," Jihoon whispers, face still stuck in a heartbroken grimace.

"I would've still wanted to be your boyfriend," Soonyoung chuckles weakly but Jihoon's face doesn't soften. "I'm not going to be your dirty little secret, Jihoon," Soonyoung adds and watches Jihoon's head tilt down. He doesn't move for a few long moments after which Soonyoung realizes his shoulders are shaking. "Jihoon?" He comes closer and carefully tugs at his shoulder and a sniffle comes out. "Oh no, Jihoonie..." Soonyoung grabs him and pulls him to his chest hugging him tight. "I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it so harshly," he presses him close and feels Jihoon's soft sniffs against him.

"I wanna be good enough for you," Jihoon's voice is muffled against his chest. "I don't want to lose you."

"You're not losing me! I'll help you! We did the cleanse and we survived it now we're going to do a training regimen! A dating boot camp! I’m good at boot camps!"

Jihoon chuckles into his chest and Soonyoung feels two arms slip around waist to pull him closer. "What the fuck is that?"

Soonyoung's hold softens and he lets Jihoon rest his head against his shoulder, facing Soonyoung. His eyes are closed and cheeks red and Soonyoung tries to press their foreheads together despite the uncomfortable angle.

"I like what we have right now," he says quietly, waiting for Jihoon's breath to even out. "But I want us to be boyfriends someday. I want to parade you around holding your hand, because you're so fucking great Jihoon. I want to be able to bring you home to my parents' house and have them pamper you because they know how important you are to me. I want to hang out with our friends and have each person in the room be aware of just how crazy I am about you."

Jihoon mouth tilts up into a small smile and his eyes flutter open. "How romantic."

"I like you a lot, Jihoonie," Soonyoung puts a hand on Jihoon's cheek and pinches it softly. “A lot, a lot.”  
They’re quiet for a few minutes. Soonyoung wants to hear Jihoon say the words back but more than that he doesn't want to pressure him.

"My parents," Jihoon whispers finally, face turning grim again. "You've never met my parents."

"I'm not afraid of them," he says bravely but Jihoon's face doesn't budge.

"I am, though."

"You won't face them alone," Soonyoung promises tilting Jihoon's face up, head starting to strain from the angle.

"My dad is a head surgeon at one of Busan's main hospitals already disappointed in me because I didn’t go to med school, and my mom is a psychiatrist who's known I'm gay since I was a child and tried to make sure I never realized. She still calls all the time to see if I've found a girlfriend."

"Does she know now?"

"She's seen the way I look at girls and if she's as good psychiatrist as people say then she definitely knows."

"How do you look at girls?" Soonyoung asks, rubbing Jihoon's back, laying his own head on top of Jihoon's.

"I don't know? Probably not a very straight way," he pauses. "Disinterest mostly."

"You look at everyone with disinterest."

“When I didn't like girls, I didn't think I liked anyone. I'm well trained."

"How did you realize then?"

Jihoon sighs. "Like I've told you before, I always knew. I just didn't accept it till very late. There was a gay kid in high school who was bullied horribly and I-" He sniffs again but his eyes stay dry. "I never defended him and watched in horror instead because I realized I'm the same as him. It terrified me. It still terrifies me."

"Seoul is different. People these days are different."

"They're not that different," Jihoon whispers. "You're just lucky, Soonyoung."

They're both quiet, standing in the middle of Jihoon's tiny kitchen, holding each other. After a few minutes Jihoon clears his throat and pushes himself away from Soonyoung, shaking himself awake.

"Now that that's over," Jihoon says, expression turning wicked. "We can move on to the fun part. We're celebrating tonight, remember?”

"What the fuck?" Soonyoung laughs but Jihoon doesn’t.

"I've been thinking a lot about you and your dick since last weekend."

Soonyoung flushes. "How do you not want to be called boyfriends but let shit like that come out your mouth?"

"It means I trust you, it's a compliment," Jihoon says casually and drops onto his knees before him.

"Wait," Soonyoung says quickly walking backwards until his back hits the counter. "We didn't decide on what our relationship is."

Jihoon frowns, leaning back to sit on his heels. "I don't want any labels."

"I do want labels!"

Jihoon sighs, eyes closing. "Soonyoung, I'm incredibly horny right now can we please have this conversation later."

"No!" Soonyoung yells and simultaneously thinks how he could be confirmed as most powerful man in the universe. What the fuck is wrong with him, his boyfriend - or whatever he is! - is on his knees in front of him. Be a goddamn man, Kwon Soonyoung!

Since Soonyoung has walked a couple of meters back, Jihoon lowers on all his fours to slowly crawl towards him as he speaks. "Didn't you hear what I just said? You really think I can just wake up tomorrow morning and become your boyfriend? All I can do right now is be with you like this without feeling like my life is falling apart, but if you take my hand in public and start parading me around, Soonyoung, I swear to go I'll run so fast you'll never see me again." He has reached Soonyoung and lifts up to take hold of the front of Soonyoung's pants, looking up at him. "Can we just enjoy things like this for a little while longer?"

"I just want to know this is going somewhere," Soonyoung whispers, brain short circuiting.

"Well there’s no way we’re getting married if that helps," Jihoon says smirking and unbuttons Soonyoung's jeans.

Soonyoung feels his heart beat painfully from the rejection. "I know it's fun to tease me but that's just rude!"

Jihoon stares up at him, unimpressed. "Gay marriage is illegal here. It was a joke, Soonyoung," Jihoon deadpans and Soonyoung flushes even deeper as he watches Jihoon slide the zipper down. Slowly.

He clears his throat. "So we're taking it slow?" It feels ironic saying that when his dick is about to be in Jihoon's mouth.

"In public, yeah. You can be honest with your parents if it helps," Jihoon leans closer so that his nose brushes against his crotch.

"Can we not discuss my parents right now," Soonyoung breathes out as Jihoon mouths Soonyoung's hardening groin humming in agreement and the vibration hardens his dick almost completely. "Fuck... You are a manipulator. Using sex to distract me from the important issues!"

Jihoon giggles laying his tongue flat on Soonyoung's dick licking it once through the underwear. "And yet you really really like me anyway."

 

♫

 

Soonyoung comes back home next morning a little after nine. Jihoon was still sleeping when he left so he attached a postit-note on the fridge again right next to the one he left last time, heart squeezing fondly at the fact that Jihoon never took the first one off.

His mom is already awake, cooking breakfast in the kitchen, while his dad is reading his newspaper in the living room. He doesn’t notice Soonyoung coming in at first but his mom does and smiles knowingly at him.

“Good morning, honey,” she says softly calling him over. She fishes out a piece of scrambled egg and blows on it before letting Soonyoung try a bite. She doesn’t mention Jihoon even though he knows she wants to, and Soonyoung distracts her by helping with breakfast and setting up the table for the three since Chan decided to sleep in his dorm last night. While they eat his dad doesn't comment on Soonyoung sitting in yesterday's clothes, but starts a conversation about some news he read earlier instead. Soonyoung appreciates the random topic more than anything especially when he is trying very hard to avoid getting questioned about something else.

Throughout the day his mom doesn’t end up saying anything about Jihoon and neither does his dad. The lack of commentary from his dad is less shocking, as he's generally oblivious about these things and instead spends the day deeply concerned questioning Chan about his dorm's plumbing when his brother joins them. His mom, on the other hand, definitely wants to ask, and Soonyoung can feel her eyes on him the entire day.

“Just say it eomma,” he mutters giving up when they get separated in the subway cart on the way to the train station to drop off his parents and Soonyoung is left alone with his mom.

“I really like Jihoon,” she says, smiling softly grabbing Soonyoung’s arm to keep straight in the shaking cart. “Does he make you happy?” Soonyoung doesn’t meet her eyes but nods nervously and feels his mom squeeze him tighter. “How come you didn’t say anything about you two?”

“Jihoon…” Soonyoung says carefully, licking his lips. “I got really lucky with you and dad,” he decides to say, meeting his mom’s familiar warm brown eyes watching him intently. “Jihoon can’t accept this as easily as I can.”

“This?” She asks, head tilting.

“Me liking him,” he flushes. “Our relationship and being open about it,” his voice is quiet since the cart is full of people and his slight anxiety from potential listeners is probably a grain of sand next to Jihoon’s fear. 

“He likes you back,” she states it as a fact and Soonyoung flushes even harder. Even if Jihoon didn't tell him last night he remembers last weekend and he know it's true. Still, it feels so good to hear it. The next station is theirs so they get out walking quickly through the crowd. Chan and his dad are ahead discussing their own things as they enter the big train station and Soonyoung is once again left with his mom. “I hope next time we come we can meet the two of you properly," she says, not backing down from the conversation. "As a couple. Or maybe you’ll visit again? If you do, please bring Jihoon.”

“Maybe,” he smiles looking at the ground before him to avoid his mom’s eyes. The support is great but it’s overwhelming. Soonyoung wants to embrace it more than anything, but there’s a boy he likes who finds this encouragement his biggest fear and until Soonyoung can help Jihoon overcome it, he can’t fully accept all the support he's getting. “I want to help him mom,” his chest feels like it’s about to collapse when he says it. It’s all he wants. “I don’t know how.”

“Acceptance... It takes time,” his mom rubs his hand in support as they walk. Their train leaves in fifteen minutes. “Just be there for him, Soonyoung, and be patient. That’s what he needs most right now.” Soonyoung nods trying to smile directly at his mom this time but fails, unable to can’t contain his emotions. He’s so mad about all of this. Jihoon's fear – the source of it – and that Jihoon was right, Soonyoung _is_ lucky. He’s lucky that his parents have only supported in a situation that is so taboo in their society. He’s lucky that he never felt Jihoon's fear. He’s lucky that his first thought when he likes a boy is to want to take him out on a date and hold his hand in public and show him off to his friends. Soonyoung wants Jihoon to feel that freedom. Soonyoung wants Jihoon to feel like he’s lucky, too.

“I’ll do my best,” Soonyoung says staring at the ground, his mom’s eyes are too soft for what he feels right now. They reach the platform and the kids buy coffee for their parents before they board the train.

“We’ll try to come for the performances recitals,” his dad promises and Soonyoung grins appreciatively.  
“I prefer you coming at the end of the year.”

“You won’t be the only one dancing this year!” Chan argues and Soonyoung feels a little guilty for forgetting.

He hugs his dad first and then moves on to his mom. “Next time you visit, I’ll introduce Jihoon properly to you,” his eyes are lit with determination, he knows because his mom's brows rise at their intensity.

“I love when you get that look in your eyes,” she smiles her regular smile and Soonyoung feels himself soften as well. “I love you, Soonyoung,” she adds laying a comforting hand on his cheek. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Of course."

"And take care of Chan, too," she reminds him.

"Always," he smiles and leans forward to kiss his mom on the cheek. He and Chan watch their parents board the train leaving them alone on the platform to wave goodbye.

“Should we go home?” Soonyoung asks when the train is gone and starts walking out of the station before Chan replies.

“Hyung, are you and Jihoon dating?” Chan asks catching up and Soonyoung gives him a wide eyed stare.

“Why would you think that?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Soonyoung scoffs, looking away, ignoring the sudden warmth in his cheeks. “We’re best friends.”

“Right,” Chan smirks. “So someone else gave you that hickey under your ear.” Soonyoung’s hand shoots up to his neck. “So, who was it?”

“None of your business!” Soonyoung defends, hand not lowering. “Fuck did mom and dad notice?”

“Dad is oblivious if you haven’t realized,” Chan laughs. “But mom definitely did. I assumed you were discussing it.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung rolls his eyes as they wait for their subway. “Cause that’s what sons discuss with their moms – their hickeys.”

“I meant you were discussing whoever gave you the hickey,” Chan shakes his head. “But whatever floats your boat.” Soonyoung shoves Chan lightly and his brother laughs again. “First of all pushing me on a subway platform is probably illegal and second of all, you don’t need to lie to me, hyung. I know you like boys.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about smart guy,” Soonyoung sighs. It’s getting annoying how many people are finding out when Soonyoung can’t say anything. “Focus more on getting some good rest. Your boot camp starts Wednesday.”

“Aye aye captain,” Chan teases, lifting his arms to stretch out his back. “Ahhh, I can’t wait,” he sighs, arms dropping as their train enters the platform. “College is such a great place to fall in love!”

Soonyoung looks away and doesn’t reply. Falling in love… That part was easy. It’s the next part that actually matters and Soonyoung doesn’t know how the hell to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! [twit](https://twitter.com/iluhosh) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/iluhosh)


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